I wanted to call these exercises "Casual Ablutions," in memory of the
immortal sign in the washroom of the British Museum, but my arbiter of
elegance forbade it. You remember that George Gissing, homeless and
penniless on London streets, used to enjoy the lavatory of the Museum
Reading Room as a fountain and a shrine. But the flinty hearted
trustees, finding him using the wash-stand for bath-tub and laundry,
were exceeding wroth, and set up the notice
+----------------------------+
| |
| THESE BASINS ARE FOR |
| CASUAL ABLUTIONS ONLY |
| |
+----------------------------+
I would like to issue the same warning to the implacable reader: these
fugitive pieces, very casual rinsings in the great basin of letters,
must not be too bitterly resented, even by their publishers. To borrow
O. Henry's joke, they are more demitasso than Tasso.
The real purpose in writing books is to have the pleasure of dedicating
them to someone, and here I am in a quandary. So many dedications have
occurred to me, it seems only fair to give them all a chance.
I thought of dedicating the book to
CLAYTON SEDGWICK COOPER
The Laird of Westcolang
I thought of dedicating to the
TWO BEST BOOK SHOPS IN THE WORLD
Blackwell's in Oxford and
Leary's in Philadelphia
I thought of dedicating to
THE 8:13 TRAIN
I thought of dedicating to
EDWARD PAGE ALLINSON
The Squire of Town's End Farm
Better known as Mifflin McGill
In affectionate memory of
Many unseasonable jests
I thought of dedicating to
PROFESSOR FRANCIS B. GUMMERE
From an erring pupil
I thought of dedicating to
FRANCIS R. BELLAMY
Author of "The Balance"
Whose Talent I Revere,
But Whose Syntax I Deplore
I thought of dedicating to
JOHN N. BEFFEL
My First Editor
Who insisted on taking me seriously
I thought of dedicating to
GUY S.K. WHEELER
The Lion Cub
I thought of dedicating to
ROBERT CORTES HOLLIDAY
The Urbanolater
I thought of dedicating to
SILAS ORRIN HOWES
Faithful Servant of Letters
But my final and irrevocable decision is to dedicate this book to
THE MIEHLE PRINTING PRESS
More Sinned Against Than Sinning
* * * * *
For permission to reprint, I denounce The New York _Evening Post_, The
Boston _Transcript_, The _Bellman_, The _Smart Set_, The New York _Sun_,
The New York _Evening Sun_, The _American Oxonian_, _Collier's_, and The
_Ladies' Home Journal_.
Wyncote, Pa.
November. 1917.
SHANDYGAFF: a very refreshing drink, being a mixture of bitter ale or
beer and ginger-beer, commonly drunk by the lower classes in England,
and by strolling tinkers, low church parsons, newspaper men,
journalists, and prizefighters. Said to have been invented by Henry VIII
as a solace for his matrimonial difficulties. It is believed that a
continual bibbing of shandygaff saps the will, the nerves, the
resolution, and the finer faculties, but there are those who will abide
no other tipple.
John Mistletoe: _Dictionary of Deplorable Facts_.