(_A PAGE FROM A ROMANCE UP TO DATE._)
And so PETER, learning that the veteran Alchymist was to be seen on
the presentation of a small coin of the realm, approached the old
man's residence. He had heard that the Sage had discovered the secret
of immortality--barring accidents, he would live for ever.
"Now that JOSEPHINE is true to me," he murmured, "I have no objection
to a further century of existence, or even two."
And he continued his walk. He had never seen so many taverns in his
life. On every side of him were distilleries, public-houses, and
beer-shops. He marvelled that a man of so many summers should have
chosen such a bibulous spot for his home.
"He must be exceedingly eccentric," he thought to himself; "however,
that is nothing to me. If he can teach me how to live continuously,
this bag of gold, now mine, shall change masters."
The small coin of the realm was presented, and PETER stood face to
face with the Sage of the Ages.
"What do you want?" asked the ancient Alchymist, with a glistening
eye. "What d'ye want with an old man--a very old man?" And the Sage
wept.
"I meant not this," remonstrated PETER, greatly distressed at the
incident. "I came here merely to crave your aid. I wish to live now,
for JOSEPHINE is true to me."
"Who's JOSEPHINE?" asked the Sage, in the same thick voice. "Never
heard of JOSEPHINE. JOSEPHINE's bore--swindle! Old JOSEPHINE's jolly
humbug!"
"Well, let that pass," said PETER, "I am here to ask you why you
have lived so long. You are one hundred and twenty-seven years old, I
think, and yet you are still alive."
"Why, certainly. But you know all about it. Secret no longer. Dr.
MORTIMER GRANVILLE has told the _Times_ how it's done. Consider it
great shame. Takes the bread, so t' speak, out of one's mouth." Here
the Sage gave a lurch and seated himself accidentally on a stuffed
alligator. Seeing that his host was about to indulge in an untimely
nap, PETER thought the moment had arrived to urge him to reveal his
wonderful secret. "I implore you to tell me how you have managed to
live for so many years when all your contemporaries are gone."
"Well, sure I don't mind," was the reply. "Won't hurt me--may do you
good. Want to know how it's managed?"
"That I do, indeed," was the earnest answer,
"Why reason I've lived for more than century and quarter is this! I've
never been--mind, never been during all that time--see--during all
that time--never been sober!"
PETER was astounded.
"Why, Sir WILFRID LAWSON says--" he began.
"Never mind what Sir WILF-LAWSON says, I say if you want, keep your
health you must--hic--always--be--in--in--intoxicavated! Now go to
public-house. My patients in public-houses yonder."
And, urged by a sense of duty, PETER withdrew; and, joining the Sage's
cures, found them in various stages of renewed health, and increased
intoxication.
* * * * *