_The Baron proceeds on his voyage--Convoys a squadron to Gibraltar
--Declines the acceptance of the island of Candia--His chariot
damaged by Pompey's Pillar and Cleopatra's Needle--The Baron out-does
Alexander--Breaks his chariot, and splits a great rock at the Cape of
Good Hope._
Taking the reins in my hand, while the music gave a general salute, I
cracked my whip, away they went, and in three hours I found myself just
between the Isle of Wight and the main land of England. Here I remained
four days, until I had received part of my accompaniment, which I was
ordered to take under my convoy. 'Twas a squadron of men-of-war that had
been a long time prepared for the Baltic, but which were now destined
for the Mediterranean. By the assistance of large hooks and eyes,
exactly such as are worn in our hats, but of a greater size, some
hundredweight each, the men-of-war hooked themselves on to the wheels of
the vehicle: and, in fact, nothing could be more simple or convenient,
because they could be hooked or unhooked in an instant with the utmost
facility. In short, having given a general discharge of their artillery,
and three cheers, I cracked my whip, away we went, helter skelter,
and in six jiffies I found myself and all my retinue safe and in good
spirits just at the rock of Gibraltar. Here I unhooked my squadron, and
having taken an affectionate leave of the officers, I suffered them to
proceed in their ordinary manner to the place of their destination. The
whole garrison were highly delighted with the novelty of my vehicle;
and at the pressing solicitations of the governor and officers I went
ashore, and took a view of that barren old rock, about which more powder
has been fired away than would purchase twice as much fertile ground in
any part of the world! Mounting my chariot, I took the reins, and again
made forward, in mad career, down the Mediterranean to the isle of
Candia. Here I received despatches from the Sublime Porte, entreating me
to assist in the war against Russia, with a reward of the whole island
of Candia for my alliance. At first I hesitated, thinking that the
island of Candia would be a most valuable acquisition to the sovereign
who at that time employed me, and that the most delicious wines, sugar,
&c., in abundance would flourish on the island; yet, when I considered
the trade of the East India Company, which would most probably suffer
by the intercourse with Persia through the Mediterranean, I at once
rejected the proposal, and had afterwards the thanks of the Honourable
the House of Commons for my propriety and political discernment.
Having been properly refreshed at Candia, I again proceeded, and in a
short time arrived in the land of Egypt. The land of this country, at
least that part of it near the sea, is very low, so that I came upon it
ere I was aware, and the Pillar of Pompey got entangled in the various
wheels of the machine, and damaged the whole considerably. Still I drove
on through thick and thin, till, passing over that great obelisk, the
Needle of Cleopatra, the work got entangled again, and jolted at a
miserable rate over the mud and swampy ground of all that country; yet
my poor bulls trotted on with astonishing labour across the Isthmus of
Suez into the Red Sea, and left a track, an obscure channel, which has
since been taken by De Tott for the remains of a canal cut by some
of the Ptolemies from the Red Sea to the Mediterranean; but, as you
perceive, was in reality no more than the track of my chariot, the car
of Queen Mab.
As the artists at present in that country are nothing wonderful, though
the ancient Egyptians, 'tis said, were most astonishing fellows, I could
not procure any new coach-springs, or have a possibility of setting my
machine to rights in the kingdom of Egypt; and as I could not presume
to attempt another journey overland, and the great mountains of marble
beyond the source of the Nile, I thought it most eligible to make the
best way I could, by sea, to the Cape of Good Hope, where I supposed
I should get some Dutch smiths and carpenters, or perhaps some English
artists; and my vehicle being properly repaired, it was my intention
thence to proceed, overland, through the heart of Africa. The surface
of the water, I well knew, afforded less resistance to the wheels of the
machine--it passed along the waves like the chariot of Neptune; and in
short, having gotten upon the Red Sea, we scudded away to admiration
through the pass of Babelmandeb to the great Western coast of Africa,
where Alexander had not the courage to venture.
And really, my friends, if Alexander had ventured toward the Cape of
Good Hope he most probably would have never returned. It is difficult to
determine whether there were then any inhabitants in the more southern
parts of Africa or not; yet, at any rate, this conqueror of the world
would have made but a nonsensical adventure; his miserable ships, not
contrived for a long voyage, would have become leaky, and foundered,
before he could have doubled the Cape, and left his Majesty fairly
beyond the limits of the then known world. Yet it would have been an
august exit for an Alexander, after having subdued Persia and India,
to be wandering the Lord knows where, to Jup or Ammon, perhaps, or on a
voyage to the moon, as an Indian chief once said to Captain Cook.
But, for my part, I was far more successful than Alexander; I drove on
with the most amazing rapidity, and thinking to halt on shore at the
Cape, I unfortunately drove too close, and shattered the right side
wheels of my vehicle against the rock, now called the Table Mountain.
The machine went against it with such impetuosity as completely shivered
the rock in a horizontal direction; so that the summit of the mountain,
in the form of a semi-sphere, was knocked into the sea, and the steep
mountain becoming thereby flattened at the top, has since received
the name of the Table Mountain, from its similarity to that piece of
furniture.
Just as this part of the mountain was knocked off, the ghost of the
Cape, that tremendous sprite which cuts such a figure in the Lusiad, was
discovered sitting squat in an excavation formed for him in the centre
of the mountain. He seemed just like a young bee in his little cell
before he comes forth, or like a bean in a bean-pod; and when the upper
part of the mountain was split across and knocked off, the superior half
of his person was discovered. He appeared of a bottle-blue colour, and
started, dazzled with the unexpected glare of the light: hearing the
dreadful rattle of the wheels, and the loud chirping of the crickets,
he was thunder-struck, and instantly giving a shriek, sunk down ten
thousand fathoms into the earth, while the mountain, vomiting out some
smoke, silently closed up, and left not a trace behind!