_The Baron slips through the world: after paying a visit to Mount Etna
he finds himself in the South Sea; visits Vulcan in his passage; gets on
board a Dutchman; arrives at an island of cheese, surrounded by a sea
of milk; describes some very extraordinary objects--Lose their compass;
their ship slips between the teeth of a fish unknown in this part of the
world; their difficulty in escaping from thence; arrive in the Caspian
Sea--Starves a bear to death--A few waistcoat anecdotes--In this
chapter, which is the longest, the Baron moralises upon the virtue of
veracity._
Mr. Drybones' "Travels to Sicily," which I had read with great pleasure,
induced me to pay a visit to Mount Etna; my voyage to this place was not
attended with any circumstances worth relating. One morning early, three
or four days after my arrival, I set out from a cottage where I had
slept, within six miles of the foot of the mountain, determined to
explore the internal parts, if I perished in the attempt. After three
hours' hard labour I found myself at the top; it was then, and had been
for upwards of three weeks, raging: its appearance in this state has
been so frequently noticed by different travellers, that I will not
tire you with descriptions of objects you are already acquainted with. I
walked round the edge of the crater, which appeared to be fifty times
at least as capacious as the Devil's Punch-Bowl near Petersfield, on
the Portsmouth Road, but not so broad at the bottom, as in that part
it resembles the contracted part of a funnel more than a punch-bowl. At
last, having made up my mind, in I sprang feet foremost; I soon found
myself in a warm berth, and my body bruised and burnt in various parts
by the red-hot cinders, which, by their violent ascent, opposed my
descent: however, my weight soon brought me to the bottom, where I found
myself in the midst of noise and clamour, mixed with the most horrid
imprecations; after recovering my senses, and feeling a reduction of my
pain, I began to look about me. Guess, gentlemen, my astonishment, when
I found myself in the company of Vulcan and his Cyclops, who had been
quarrelling, for the three weeks before mentioned, about the observation
of good order and due subordination, and which had occasioned such
alarms for that space of time in the world above. However, my arrival
restored peace to the whole society, and Vulcan himself did me the
honour of applying plasters to my wounds, which healed them immediately;
he also placed refreshments before me, particularly nectar, and other
rich wines, such as the gods and goddesses only aspire to. After this
repast was over Vulcan ordered Venus to show me every indulgence which
my situation required. To describe the apartment, and the couch on which
I reposed, is totally impossible, therefore I will not attempt it; let
it suffice to say, it exceeds the power of language to do it justice, or
speak of that kind-hearted goddess in any terms equal to her merit.
Vulcan gave me a very concise account of Mount Etna: he said it was
nothing more than an accumulation of ashes thrown from his forge;
that he was frequently obliged to chastise his people, at whom, in his
passion, he made it a practice to throw red-hot coals at home, which
they often parried with great dexterity, and then threw them up into
the world to place them out of his reach, for they never attempted to
assault him in return by throwing them back again. "Our quarrels," added
he, "last sometimes three or four months, and these appearances of coals
or cinders in the world are what I find you mortals call eruptions."
Mount Vesuvius, he assured me, was another of his shops, to which he
had a passage three hundred and fifty leagues under the bed of the
sea, where similar quarrels produced similar eruptions. I should have
continued here as an humble attendant upon Madam Venus, but some busy
tattlers, who delight in mischief, whispered a tale in Vulcan's ear,
which roused in him a fit of jealousy not to be appeased. Without the
least previous notice he took me one morning under his arm, as I was
waiting upon Venus, agreeable to custom, and carried me to an apartment
I had never before seen, in which there was, to all appearance, _a well_
with a wide mouth: over this he held me at arm's length, and saying,
"_Ungrateful mortal, return to the world from whence you came_," without
giving me the least opportunity of reply, dropped me in the centre. I
found myself descending with an increasing rapidity, till the horror of
my mind deprived me of all reflection. I suppose I fell into a trance,
from which I was suddenly aroused by plunging into a large body of water
illuminated by the rays of the sun!!
I could, from my infancy, swim well, and play tricks in the water. I
now found myself in paradise, considering the horrors of mind I had just
been released from. After looking about me some time, I could discover
nothing but an expanse of sea, extending beyond the eye in every
direction; I also found it very cold, a different climate from Master
Vulcan's shop. At last I observed at some distance a body of amazing
magnitude, like a huge rock, approaching me; I soon discovered it to be
a piece of floating ice; I swam round it till I found a place where I
could ascend to the top, which I did, but not without some difficulty.
Still I was out of sight of land, and despair returned with double
force; however, before night came on I saw a sail, which we approached
very fast; when it was within a very small distance I hailed them in
German; they answered in Dutch. I then flung myself into the sea, and
they threw out a rope, by which I was taken on board. I now inquired
where we were, and was informed, in the great Southern Ocean; this
opened a discovery which removed all my doubts and difficulties. It was
now evident that I had passed from Mount Etna through the centre of the
earth to the South Seas: this, gentlemen, was a much shorter cut than
going round the world, and which no man has accomplished, or ever
attempted, but myself; however, the next time I perform it I will be
much more particular in my observations.
I took some refreshment, and went to rest. The Dutch are a very rude
sort of people; I related the Etna passage to the officers, exactly as I
have done to you, and some of them, particularly the Captain, seemed by
his grimace and half-sentence to doubt my veracity; however, as he had
kindly taken me on board his vessel, and was then in the very act of
administering to my necessities, I pocketed the affront.
I now in my turn began to inquire where they were bound? To which they
answered, they were in search of new discoveries; "_and if_," said they,
"_your story is true, a new passage is really discovered, and we shall
not return disappointed_." We were now exactly in Captain Cook's first
track, and arrived the next morning in Botany Bay. This place I would by
no means recommend to the English government as a receptacle for felons,
or place of punishment; it should rather be the reward of merit, nature
having most bountifully bestowed her best gifts upon it.
We stayed here but three days; the fourth after our departure a most
dreadful storm arose, which in a few hours destroyed all our sails,
splintered our bowsprit, and brought down our topmast; it fell directly
upon the box that enclosed our compass, which, with the compass, was
broken to pieces. Every one who has been at sea knows the consequences
of such a misfortune: we now were at a loss where to steer. At length
the storm abated, which was followed by a steady, brisk gale, that
carried us at least forty knots an hour for six months! [we should
suppose the Baron has made a little mistake, and substituted _months_
for _days_] when we began to observe an amazing change in everything
about us: our spirits became light, our noses were regaled with the most
aromatic effluvia imaginable: the sea had also changed its complexion,
and from green became white!! Soon after these wonderful alterations
we saw land, and not at any great distance an inlet, which we sailed up
near sixty leagues, and found it wide and deep, flowing with milk of the
most delicious taste. Here we landed, and soon found it was an island
consisting of one large cheese: we discovered this by one of the company
fainting away as soon as we landed: this man always had an aversion to
cheese; when he recovered, he desired the cheese to be taken from under
his feet: upon examination we found him perfectly right, for the
whole island, as before observed, was nothing but a cheese of immense
magnitude! Upon this the inhabitants, who are amazingly numerous,
principally sustain themselves, and it grows every night in proportion
as it is consumed in the day. Here seemed to be plenty of vines, with
bunches of large grapes, which, upon being pressed, yielded nothing but
milk. We saw the inhabitants running races upon the surface of the milk:
they were upright, comely figures, nine feet high, have three legs,
and but one arm; upon the whole, their form was graceful, and when they
quarrel, they exercise a straight horn, which grows in adults from the
centre of their foreheads, with great adroitness; they did not sink at
all, but ran and walked upon the surface of the milk, as we do upon a
bowling-green.
Upon this island of cheese grows great plenty of corn, the ears of which
produce loaves of bread, ready made, of a round form like mushrooms. We
discovered, in our rambles over this cheese, seventeen other rivers of
milk, and ten of wine.
After thirty-eight days' journey we arrived on the opposite side to that
on which we landed: here we found some blue mould, as cheese-eaters
call it, from whence spring all kinds of rich fruit; instead of
breeding mites it produced peaches, nectarines, apricots, and a thousand
delicious fruits which we are not acquainted with. In these trees, which
are of an amazing size, were plenty of birds' nests; amongst others
was a king-fisher's of prodigious magnitude; it was at least twice
the circumference of the dome of St. Paul's Church in London. Upon
inspection, this nest was made of huge trees curiously joined together;
there were, let me see (_for I make it a rule always to speak within
compass_), there were upwards of five hundred eggs in the nest, and each
of them was as large as four common hogsheads, or eight barrels, and
we could not only see, but hear the young ones chirping within. Having,
with great fatigue, cut open one of these eggs, we let out a young one
unfeathered, considerably larger than twenty full-grown vultures. Just
as we had given this youngster his liberty the old kingfisher lighted,
and seizing our captain, who had been active in breaking the egg, in
one of her claws, flew with him above a mile high, and then let him drop
into the sea, but not till she had beaten all his teeth out of his mouth
with her wings.
Dutchmen generally swim well: he soon joined us, and we retreated to our
ship. On our return we took a different route, and observed many strange
objects. We shot two wild oxen, each with one horn, also like the
inhabitants, except that it sprouted from between the eyes of these
animals; we were afterwards concerned at having destroyed them, as we
found, by inquiry, they tamed these creatures, and used them as we do
horses, to ride upon and draw their carriages; their flesh, we were
informed, is excellent, but useless where people live upon cheese
and milk. When we had reached within two days' journey of the ship we
observed three men hanging to a tall tree by their heels; upon inquiring
the cause of their punishment, I found they had all been travellers, and
upon their return home had deceived their friends by describing places
they never saw, and relating things that never happened: this gave me no
concern, _as I have ever confined myself to facts_.
As soon as we arrived at the ship we unmoored, and set sail from this
extraordinary country, when, to our astonishment, all the trees upon
shore, of which there were a great number very tall and large, paid
their respects to us twice, bowing to exact time, and immediately
recovered their former posture, which was quite erect.
By what we could learn of this CHEESE, it was considerably larger than
the continent of all Europe!
After sailing three months we knew not where, being still without
compass, we arrived in a sea which appeared to be almost black: upon
tasting it we found it most excellent wine, and had great difficulty to
keep the sailors from getting drunk with it: however, in a few hours
we found ourselves surrounded by whales and other animals of an immense
magnitude, one of which appeared to be too large for the eye to form a
judgment of: we did not see him till we were close to him. This monster
drew our ship, with all her masts standing, and sails bent, by suction
into his mouth, between his teeth, which were much larger and taller
than the mast of a first-rate man-of-war. After we had been in his
mouth some time he opened it pretty wide, took in an immense quantity of
water, and floated our vessel, which was at least 500 tons burthen, into
his stomach; here we lay as quiet as at anchor in a dead calm. The
air, to be sure, was rather warm, and very offensive. We found anchors,
cables, boats, and barges in abundance, and a considerable number of
ships, some laden and some not, which this creature had swallowed.
Everything was transacted by torch-light; no sun, no moon, no planet, to
make observations from. We were all generally afloat and aground twice
a-day; whenever he drank, it became high water with us; and when he
evacuated, we found ourselves aground; upon a moderate computation, he
took in more water at a single draught than is generally to be found in
the Lake of Geneva, though that is above thirty miles in circumference.
On the second day of our confinement in these regions of darkness, I
ventured at low water, as we called it when the ship was aground, to
ramble with the Captain, and a few of the other officers, with lights in
our hands; we met with people of all nations, to the amount of upwards
of ten thousand; they were going to hold a council how to recover their
liberty; some of them having lived in this animal's stomach several
years; there were several children here who had never seen the world,
their mothers having lain in repeatedly in this warm situation. Just as
the chairman was going to inform us of the business upon which we
were assembled, this plaguy fish, becoming thirsty, drank in his usual
manner; the water poured in with such impetuosity, that we were all
obliged to retreat to our respective ships immediately, or run the risk
of being drowned; some were obliged to swim for it, and with difficulty
saved their lives. In a few hours after we were more fortunate, we met
again just after the monster had evacuated. I was chosen chairman, and
the first thing I did was to propose splicing two main-masts together,
and the next time he opened his mouth to be ready to wedge them in, so
as to prevent his shutting it. It was unanimously approved. One hundred
stout men were chosen upon this service. We had scarcely got our masts
properly prepared when an opportunity offered; the monster opened his
mouth, immediately the top of the mast was placed against the roof, and
the other end pierced his tongue, which effectually prevented him from
shutting his mouth. As soon as everything in his stomach was afloat,
we manned a few boats, who rowed themselves and us into the world. The
daylight, after, as near as we could judge, three months' confinement in
total darkness, cheered our spirits surprisingly. When we had all
taken our leave of this capacious animal, we mustered just a fleet
of ninety-five ships, of all nations, who had been in this confined
situation.
We left the two masts in his mouth, to prevent others being confined
in the same horrid gulf of darkness and filth. Our first object was to
learn what part of the world we were in; this we were for some time at
a loss to ascertain: at last I found, from former observations, that we
were in the Caspian Sea! which washes part of the country of the Calmuck
Tartars. How we came here it was impossible to conceive, as this sea has
no communication with any other. One of the inhabitants of the Cheese
Island, whom I had brought with me, accounted for it thus:--that the
monster in whose stomach we had been so long confined had carried us
here through some subterraneous passage; however, we pushed to shore,
and I was the first who landed. Just as I put my foot upon the ground a
large bear leaped upon me with its fore-paws; I caught one in each
hand, and squeezed him till he cried out most lustily; however, in
this position I held him till I starved him to death. You may laugh,
gentlemen, but this was soon accomplished, as I prevented him licking
his paws. From hence I travelled up to St. Petersburg a second time:
here an old friend gave me a most excellent pointer, descended from the
famous bitch before-mentioned, that littered while she was hunting a
hare. I had the misfortune to have him shot soon after by a blundering
sportsman, who fired at him instead of a covey of partridges which he
had just set. Of this creature's skin I have had this waistcoat made
(showing his waistcoat), which always leads me involuntarily to game if
I walk in the fields in the proper season, and when I come within shot,
_one of the buttons constantly flies off, and lodges upon the spot where
the sport is_; and as the birds rise, being always primed and cocked, I
never miss them. Here are now but three buttons left. I shall have a new
set sewed on against the shooting season commences.
When a covey of partridges is disturbed in this manner, by the button
falling amongst them, they always rise from the ground in a direct line
before each other. I one day, by forgetting to take my ramrod out of my
gun, shot it straight through a leash, as regularly as if the cook had
spitted them. I had forgot to put in any shot, and the rod had been made
so hot with the powder, that the birds were completely roasted by the
time I reached home.
Since my arrival in England I have accomplished what I had very much at
heart, viz., providing for the inhabitant of the Cheese Island, whom
I had brought with me. My old friend, Sir William Chambers, who is
entirely indebted to me for all his ideas of Chinese gardening, by
a description of which he has gained such high reputation; I say,
gentlemen, in a discourse which I had with this gentlemen, he seemed
much distressed for a contrivance to light the lamps at the new
buildings, Somerset House; the common mode with ladders, he observed,
was both dirty and inconvenient. My native of the Cheese Island popped
into my head; he was only nine feet high when I first brought him from
his own country, but was now increased to ten and a half: I introduced
him to Sir William, and he is appointed to that honourable office. He
is also to carry, under a large cloak, a utensil in each coat pocket,
instead of those four which Sir William has _very properly_ fixed for
private purposes in so conspicuous a situation, the great quadrangle.
He has also obtained from Mr. PITT the situation of messenger to his
Majesty's lords of the bed-chamber, whose principal employment will
_now_ be, divulging the secrets of the Royal household to their _worthy_
Patron.
SUPPLEMENT
_Extraordinary flight on the back of an eagle, over France to Gibraltar,
South and North America, the Polar Regions, and back to England, within
six-and-thirty hours._
About the beginning of his present Majesty's reign I had some business
with a distant relation who then lived on the Isle of Thanet; it was a
family dispute, and not likely to be finished soon. I made it a practice
during my residence there, the weather being fine, to walk out every
morning. After a few of these excursions I observed an object upon a
great eminence about three miles distant: I extended my walk to it, and
found the ruins of an ancient temple: I approached it with admiration
and astonishment; the traces of grandeur and magnificence which yet
remained were evident proofs of its former splendour: here I could not
help lamenting the ravages and devastations of time, of which that once
noble structure exhibited such a melancholy proof. I walked round it
several times, meditating on the fleeting and transitory nature of
all terrestrial things; on the eastern end were the remains of a lofty
tower, near forty feet high, overgrown with ivy, the top apparently
flat; I surveyed it on every side very minutely, thinking that if I
could gain its summit I should enjoy the most delightful prospect of the
circumjacent country. Animated with this hope, I resolved, if possible,
to gain the summit, which I at length effected by means of the ivy,
though not without great difficulty and danger; the top I found covered
with this evergreen, except a large chasm in the middle. After I had
surveyed with pleasing wonder the beauties of art and nature that
conspired to enrich the scene, curiosity prompted me to sound the
opening in the middle, in order to ascertain its depth, as I entertained
a suspicion that it might probably communicate with some unexplored
subterranean cavern in the hill; but having no line I was at a loss how
to proceed. After revolving the matter in my thoughts for some time, I
resolved to drop a stone down and listen to the echo: having found one
that answered my purpose I placed myself over the hole, with one foot on
each side, and stooping down to listen, I dropped the stone, which I had
no sooner done than I heard a rustling below, and suddenly a monstrous
eagle put up its head right opposite my face, and rising up with
irresistible force, carried me away seated on its shoulders: I instantly
grasped it round the neck, which was large enough to fill my arms,
and its wings, when extended, were ten yards from one extremity to the
other. As it rose with a regular ascent, my seat was perfectly easy,
and I enjoyed the prospect below with inexpressible pleasure. It hovered
over Margate for some time, was seen by several people, and many shots
were fired at it; one ball hit the heel of my shoe, but did me no
injury. It then directed its course to Dover cliff, where it alighted,
and I thought of dismounting, but was prevented by a sudden discharge of
musketry from a party of marines that were exercising on the beach; the
balls flew about my head, and rattled on the feathers of the eagle like
hail-stones, yet I could not perceive it had received any injury. It
instantly reascended and flew over the sea towards Calais, but so very
high that the Channel seemed to be no broader than the Thames at London
Bridge. In a quarter of an hour I found myself over a thick wood in
France, where the eagle descended very rapidly, which caused me to slip
down to the back part of its head; but alighting on a large tree, and
raising its head, I recovered my seat as before, but saw no possibility
of disengaging myself without the danger of being killed by the fall;
so I determined to sit fast, thinking it would carry me to the Alps,
or some other high mountain, where I could dismount without any danger.
After resting a few minutes it took wing, flew several times round the
wood, and screamed loud enough to be heard across the English Channel.
In a few minutes one of the same species arose out of the wood, and flew
directly towards us; it surveyed me with evident marks of displeasure,
and came very near me. After flying several times round, they both
directed their course to the south-west. I soon observed that the one I
rode upon could not keep pace with the other, but inclined towards the
earth, on account of my weight; its companion perceiving this, turned
round and placed itself in such a position that the other could rest its
head on its rump; in this manner they proceeded till noon, when I
saw the rock of Gibraltar very distinctly. The day being clear,
notwithstanding my degree of elevation, the earth's surface appeared
just like a map, where land, sea, lakes, rivers, mountains, and the like
were perfectly distinguishable; and having some knowledge of geography,
I was at no loss to determine what part of the globe I was in.
Whilst I was contemplating this wonderful prospect a dreadful howling
suddenly began all around me, and in a moment I was invested by
thousands of small, black, deformed, frightful looking creatures, who
pressed me on all sides in such a manner that I could neither move hand
or foot: but I had not been in their possession more than ten minutes
when I heard the most delightful music that can possibly be imagined,
which was suddenly changed into a noise the most awful and tremendous,
to which the report of cannon, or the loudest claps of thunder could
bear no more proportion than the gentle zephyrs of the evening to the
most dreadful hurricane; but the shortness of its duration prevented all
those fatal effects which a prolongation of it would certainly have been
attended with.
The music commenced, and I saw a great number of the most beautiful
little creatures seize the other party, and throw them with great
violence into something like a snuff-box, which they shut down, and one
threw it away with incredible velocity; then turning to me, he said they
whom he had secured were a party of devils, who had wandered from their
proper habitation; and that the vehicle in which they were enclosed
would fly with unabating rapidity for ten thousand years, when it would
burst of its own accord, and the devils would recover their liberty
and faculties, as at the present moment. He had no sooner finished this
relation than the music ceased, and they all disappeared, leaving me in
a state of mind bordering on the confines of despair.
When I had recomposed myself a little, and looking before me with
inexpressible pleasure, I observed that the eagles were preparing to
light on the peak of Teneriffe: they descended on the top of the rock,
but seeing no possible means of escape if I dismounted determined me
to remain where I was. The eagles sat down seemingly fatigued, when the
heat of the sun soon caused them both to fall asleep, nor did I long
resist its fascinating power. In the cool of the evening, when the sun
had retired below the horizon, I was roused from sleep by the eagle
moving under me; and having stretched myself along its back, I sat up,
and reassumed my travelling position, when they both took wing, and
having placed themselves as before, directed their course to South
America. The moon shining bright during the whole night, I had a fine
view of all the islands in those seas.
About the break of day we reached the great continent of America,
that part called Terra Firma, and descended on the top of a very high
mountain. At this time the moon, far distant in the west, and obscured
by dark clouds, but just afforded light sufficient for me to discover
a kind of shrubbery all around, bearing fruit something like cabbages,
which the eagles began to feed on very eagerly. I endeavoured to
discover my situation, but fogs and passing clouds involved me in the
thickest darkness, and what rendered the scene still more shocking was
the tremendous howling of wild beasts, some of which appeared to be very
near: however, I determined to keep my seat, imagining that the eagle
would carry me away if any of them should make a hostile attempt. When
daylight began to appear, I thought of examining the fruit which I had
seen the eagles eat, and as some was hanging which I could easily come
at, I took out my knife and cut a slice; but how great was my surprise
to see that it had all the appearance of roast beef regularly mixed,
both fat and lean! I tasted it, and found it well flavoured and
delicious, then cut several large slices and put in my pocket, where I
found a crust of bread which I had brought from Margate; took it out,
and found three musket-balls that had been lodged in it on Dover cliff.
I extracted them, and cutting a few slices more, made a hearty meal of
bread and cold beef fruit. I then cut down two of the largest that grew
near me, and tying them together with one of my garters, hung them over
the eagle's neck for another occasion, filling my pockets at the same
time. While I was settling these affairs I observed a large fruit like
an inflated bladder, which I wished to try an experiment upon: and
striking my knife into one of them, a fine pure liquor like Hollands
gin rushed out, which the eagles observing, eagerly drank up from the
ground. I cut down the bladder as fast as I could, and saved about half
a pint in the bottom of it, which I tasted, and could not distinguish
it from the best mountain wine. I drank it all, and found myself greatly
refreshed. By this time the eagles began to stagger against the shrubs.
I endeavoured to keep my seat, but was soon thrown to some distance
among the bushes. In attempting to rise I put my hand upon a large
hedgehog, which happened to lie among the grass upon its back: it
instantly closed round my hand, so that I found it impossible to shake
it off. I struck it several times against the ground without effect; but
while I was thus employed I heard a rustling among the shrubbery, and
looking up, I saw a huge animal within three yards of me; I could make
no defence, but held out both my hands, when it rushed upon me,
and seized that on which the hedgehog was fixed. My hand being soon
relieved, I ran to some distance, where I saw the creature suddenly drop
down and expire with the hedgehog in its throat. When the danger was
past I went to view the eagles, and found them lying on the grass fast
asleep, being intoxicated with the liquor they had drank. Indeed, I
found myself considerably elevated by it, and seeing everything quiet,
I began to search for some more, which I soon found; and having cut down
two large bladders, about a gallon each, I tied them together, and hung
them over the neck of the other eagle, and the two smaller ones I
tied with a cord round my own waist. Having secured a good stock of
provisions, and perceiving the eagles begin to recover, I again took my
seat. In half an hour they arose majestically from the place, without
taking the least notice of their incumbrance. Each reassumed its former
station; and directing their course to the northward, they crossed the
Gulf of Mexico, entered North America, and steered directly for the
Polar regions, which gave me the finest opportunity of viewing this vast
continent that can possibly be imagined.
Before we entered the frigid zone the cold began to affect me; but
piercing one of my bladders, I took a draught, and found that it could
make no impression on me afterwards. Passing over Hudson's Bay, I saw
several of the Company's ships lying at anchor, and many tribes of
Indians marching with their furs to market.
By this time I was so reconciled to my seat, and become such an expert
rider, that I could sit up and look around me; but in general I lay
along the eagle's neck, grasping it in my arms, with my hands immersed
in its feathers, in order to keep them warm.
In those cold climates I observed that the eagles flew with greater
rapidity, in order, I suppose, to keep their blood in circulation. In
passing Baffin's Bay I saw several large Greenlandmen to the eastward,
and many surprising mountains of ice in those seas.
While I was surveying these wonders of nature it occurred to me that
this was a good opportunity to discover the north-west passage, if
any such thing existed, and not only obtain the reward offered by
government, but the honour of a discovery pregnant with so many
advantages to every European nation. But while my thoughts were absorbed
in this pleasing reverie I was alarmed by the first eagle striking its
head against a solid transparent substance, and in a moment that which I
rode experienced the same fate, and both fell down seemingly dead.
Here our lives must inevitably have terminated, had not a sense of
danger, and the singularity of my situation, inspired me with a
degree of skill and dexterity which enabled us to fall near two miles
perpendicular with as little inconveniency as if we had been let down
with a rope: for no sooner did I perceive the eagles strike against
a frozen cloud, which is very common near the poles, than (they being
close together) I laid myself along the back of the foremost, and took
hold of its wings to keep them extended, at the same time stretching out
my legs behind to support the wings of the other. This had the desired
effect, and we descended very safe on a mountain of ice, which I
supposed to be about three miles above the level of the sea.
I dismounted, unloaded the eagles, opened one of the bladders,
and administered some of the liquor to each of them, without once
considering that the horrors of destruction seemed to have conspired
against me. The roaring of waves, crashing of ice, and the howling of
bears, conspired to form a scene the most awful and tremendous: but
notwithstanding this, my concern for the recovery of the eagles was
so great, that I was insensible of the danger to which I was exposed.
Having rendered them every assistance in my power, I stood over them in
painful anxiety, fully sensible that it was only by means of them that I
could possibly be delivered from these abodes of despair.
But suddenly a monstrous bear began to roar behind me, with a voice like
thunder. I turned round, and seeing the creature just ready to devour
me, having the bladder of liquor in my hands, through fear I squeezed it
so hard, that it burst, and the liquor flying in the eyes of the animal,
totally deprived it of sight. It instantly turned from me, ran away in
a state of distraction, and soon fell over a precipice of ice into the
sea, where I saw it no more.
The danger being over, I again turned my attention to the eagles, whom I
found in a fair way of recovery, and suspecting that they were faint
for want of victuals, I took one of the beef fruit, cut it into small
slices, and presented them with it, which they devoured with avidity.
Having given them plenty to eat and drink, and disposed of the remainder
of my provision, I took possession of my seat as before. After composing
myself, and adjusting everything in the best manner, I began to eat and
drink very heartily; and through the effects of the mountain wine, as I
called it, was very cheerful, and began to sing a few verses of a song
which I had learned when I was a boy: but the noise soon alarmed the
eagles, who had been asleep, through the quantity of liquor which they
had drank, and they rose seemingly much terrified. Happily for me,
however, when I was feeding them I had accidentally turned their heads
towards the south-east, which course they pursued with a rapid
motion. In a few hours I saw the Western Isles, and soon after had the
inexpressible pleasure of seeing Old England. I took no notice of the
seas or islands over which I passed.
The eagles descended gradually as they drew near the shore, intending,
as I supposed, to alight on one of the Welsh mountains; but when they
came to the distance of about sixty yards two guns were fired at them,
loaded with balls, one of which took place in a bladder of liquor that
hung to my waist; the other entered the breast of the foremost eagle,
who fell to the ground, while that which I rode, having received no
injury, flew away with amazing swiftness.
This circumstance alarmed me exceedingly, and I began to think it was
impossible for me to escape with my life; but recovering a little, I
once more looked down upon the earth, when, to my inexpressible joy, I
saw Margate at a little distance, and the eagle descending on the old
tower whence it had carried me on the morning of the day before. It no
sooner came down than I threw myself off, happy to find that I was once
more restored to the world. The eagle flew away in a few minutes, and I
sat down to compose my fluttering spirits, which I did in a few hours.
I soon paid a visit to my friends, and related these adventures.
Amazement stood in every countenance; their congratulations on my
returning in safety were repeated with an unaffected degree of pleasure,
and we passed the evening as we are doing now, every person present
paying the highest compliments to my COURAGE and VERACITY.
THE SECOND VOLUME
PREFACE
TO THE SECOND VOLUME
Baron Munchausen has certainly been productive of much benefit to the
literary world; the numbers of egregious travellers have been such,
that they demanded a very Gulliver to surpass them. If Baron de Tott
dauntlessly discharged an enormous piece of artillery, the Baron
Munchausen has done more; he has taken it and swam with it across the
sea. When travellers are solicitous to be the heroes of their own story,
surely they must admit to superiority, and blush at seeing themselves
out-done by the renowned Munchausen: I doubt whether any one hitherto,
Pantagruel, Gargantua, Captain Lemuel, or De Tott, has been able to
out-do our Baron in this species of excellence: and as at present our
curiosity seems much directed to the interior of Africa, it must be
edifying to have the real relation of Munchausen's adventures there
before any further intelligence arrives; for he seems to adapt himself
and his exploits to the spirit of the times, and recounts what he thinks
should be most interesting to his auditors.
I do not say that the Baron, in the following stories, means a satire on
any political matters whatever. No; but if the reader understands them
so, I cannot help it.
If the Baron meets with a parcel of negro ships carrying whites into
slavery to work upon their plantations in a cold climate, should we
therefore imagine that he intends a reflection on the present traffic in
human flesh? And that, if the negroes should do so, it would be simple
justice, as retaliation is the law of God! If we were to think this a
reflection on any present commercial or political matter, we should
be tempted to imagine, perhaps, some political ideas conveyed in every
page, in every sentence of the whole. Whether such things are or are not
the intentions of the Baron the reader must judge.
We have had not only wonderful travellers in this vile world, but
splenetic travellers, and of these not a few, and also conspicuous
enough. It is a pity, therefore, that the Baron has not endeavoured to
surpass them also in this species of story-telling. Who is it can read
the travels of Smellfungus, as Sterne calls him, without admiration?
To think that a person from the North of Scotland should travel through
some of the finest countries in Europe, and find fault with everything
he meets--nothing to please him! And therefore, methinks, the Tour to
the Hebrides is more excusable, and also perhaps Mr. Twiss's Tour in
Ireland. Dr. Johnson, bred in the luxuriance of London, with more reason
should become cross and splenetic in the bleak and dreary regions of the
Hebrides.
The Baron, in the following work, seems to be sometimes philosophical;
his account of the language of the interior of Africa, and its analogy
with that of the inhabitants of the moon, show him to be profoundly
versed in the etymological antiquities of nations, and throw new light
upon the abstruse history of the ancient Scythians, and the Collectanea.
His endeavour to abolish the custom of eating live flesh in the interior
of Africa, as described in Bruce's Travels, is truly humane. But far be
it from me to suppose, that by Gog and Magog and the Lord Mayor's show
he means a satire upon any person or body of persons whatever: or, by
a tedious litigated trial of blind judges and dumb matrons following
a wild goose chase all round the world, he should glance at any trial
whatever.
Nevertheless, I must allow that it was extremely presumptuous in
Munchausen to tell half the sovereigns of the world that they were
wrong, and advise them what they ought to do; and that instead of
ordering millions of their subjects to massacre one another, it would be
more to their interest to employ their forces in concert for the general
good; as if he knew better than the Empress of Russia, the Grand Vizier,
Prince Potemkin, or any other butcher in the world. But that he should
be a royal Aristocrat, and take the part of the injured Queen of France
in the present political drama, I am not at all surprised; but I suppose
his mind was fired by reading the pamphlet written by Mr. Burke.