A CROWDED, gas-lit, stuffy hall,
A prosy speaker, such a duffer,
A mob that loves to stamp and bawl,
Noise, suffocation--how I suffer!
What is he saying? "Mr. G.
Attacks the British Constitution,
It therefore--er--er--falls to me
To move the first--er--resolution:
"That--_er_--the Shrimpington-on-Sea
United Primrose Habitations
Pronounce ('_Hear, hear!_') these Bills to be
Iniquitous (_cheers_) innovations."
I'll bear this heat and noise no more;
_My_ constitution would be weaker.
I hurry out, and find, next door,
Another meeting and its speaker;
Another crowded, stuffy hall,
A frantic shouter, greater duffer,
A mob more prone to stamp and bawl,
Noise, suffocation still I suffer.
What is _he_ saying? "Mr. G.,
Despite drink's cursed coalition,
Dooms publicans (_groans_), as should be,
On earth, as elsewhere, to perdition!
"I move, the Shrimpington-on-Sea
United Bands of Hope, with pleasure,
Pronounce the Veto Bill to be
A great (_cheers_), good (_shouts_), just (_roars_) measure."
Enough! O frantic fools who rave
And call it "Temperance"! This body
Would drive me to an early grave;
I'll hurry home and get some toddy.
* * * * *