Mrs. ETHEL NEVERBY, _A Shopper_.
Mrs. MAUD SAMPELLE, _A Shopper_.
Mr. NEWCOME, _A Salesman_.
_A Chorus of Seven other Salesmen._
SCENE:--_The principal aisle of a fashionable shop. Mrs.
Neverby and Mrs. Sampelle discovered sauntering along near a
prominent counter strewn with rich woollen dress-goods. Mr.
Newcome, as they pause for an instant, makes a dash forward
toward the ladies: the seven other salesmen for a moment seek
to restrain his ardor; but he refuses to be restrained, and
instantly holds up to the gaze of the shoppers a piece of
cloth with a most alluring air. They pause--halt--whilst the
chorus, withdrawing, sing, in a low, melancholy voice--_
_Chorus._
Poor Newcome!
Nay, we must not seek to prevent it;
If we should, he would only resent it:
Let us then be all silent anent it.
Let him say of his breath, "I have spent it;"
Of his patience, "Behold! I have lent it;"
Of his will, "Woe is me! they have bent it;"
Of his garment, "Aye, lo! I have rent it;
Because I believed that they meant it:
Meant to buy--
Heigh-o-heigh!
O--O--"
[_Chorus retire and busy themselves with other remote
customers and goods, keeping, however, a wary and
observing eye fixed upon Newcome._
NEWCOME (_gushingly_). What can I show you this morning, ladies?
ETHEL (_sweetly_). Oh, thank you, we are merely looking as we pass by.
MAUDE. Oh yes, that is all.
NEWCOME. It will do no harm to show you these goods, I am sure,
ladies. These double-width, all-wool, imported French suitings, in all
the latest shades, reduced, marked down only half an hour ago from two
dollars and a half a yard to--one-fifty!
ETHEL (_takes a step nearer to the counter_). That blue is lovely,
isn't it, Maud?
MAUD (_also taking a step counterward_). Yes, it is lovely.
NEWCOME. Is blue the color that you are looking for, madam?
ETHEL. Oh, not specially.
NEWCOME. Now just allow me to show you these blues: ten different
tones,--the navy, Marie-Louise, slate, Russian, Princess of Wales,
robin's-egg, army, cobalt, indigo, steel,--all of them exquisite, and
very fashionable!
[_Brings down pieces of goods and displays them._
MAUD. They are lovely.
NEWCOME. All at the same price, one dollar and fifty cents, reduced
from two and a half only this morning.
ETHEL. Why are they so low? (_Fingers goods_). Is there any
imperfection?
NEWCOME (_ecstatically_). None in the world, madam--none in the world.
They are just an importer's surplus stock that our buyer got at a
tremendous reduction, and we are selling them at this absurd price
merely to get rid of them before taking stock.
MAUD (_eying the goods behind the counter on shelves_). Ethel, that
gray is too sweet for anything; it would just match your chinchilla
furs perfectly!
ETHEL. So it would!
NEWCOME (_tossing aside the blues with a jubilant air_). Gray, did you
say, madam? We have a line of grays not to be found anywhere else in
the city; every possible tint and tone. Is it for yourself, madam?
[_Gazing at Ethel as he moves heavy pile of grays from
shelf to counter._
ETHEL. Oh no; we are, as I told you, merely looking (_glances at
Maud_) for a friend.
[_Chorus of clerics, softly and with a semi-sarcastic,
semi-melancholic demeanor, advance and sing_:
They are looking for a friend,
Who is ill, and cannot spend
Any strength, but must depend
On their offices, and send
For some samples that may tend
To assist her health to mend.
So their time they gladly lend
To so laudable an end
As is "looking for a friend."
[_Chorus retire and again busy themselves with other
customers._
MAUD. Yes, an invalid lady who is unable to go out at all; we thought
if we could take her some samples.
[_Chorus groan weakly._
NEWCOME. Certainly, madam.
[_Opens drawer and hands forth any number of packets of
samples._
ETHEL. Oh, how good you are! Thank you. Say, Maud, isn't that green,
up there, the top of that left-hand pile, isn't it too lovely and chic
for anything?
MAUD. Perfect.
NEWCOME (_abandoning the search for more samples_). Green--did you say
green, ladies?
ETHEL. Oh, never mind!
NEWCOME (_struggling with the greens, which threaten to topple over on
him_). No trouble at all, madam--none (_lands the greens successfully
on the counter_). We have, as you see, a complete line of the
greens--the most fashionable and stylish color of the season. Do be
seated, madam, and just let me show you these unparalleled goods,
one-fifty only a yard, reduced from two and a half, all-wool,
warranted imported French dress material. We sell no domestic goods in
this establishment.
MAUD. We might look at them, dear.
[_Approaches seat._
ETHEL. Well (_approaches seat_)--I suppose we might; we promised her
we would look at everything, you know, and report this afternoon.
NEWCOME (_displaying goods_). There, ladies! I am sure there is not to
be found anywhere in the city, or indeed out of it, such a selection
of greens; all tones and shades to suit every taste and complexion. Is
it for yourself, may I ask, madam?
MAUD. Oh no, no, no--for a friend.
NEWCOME. And what complexion is the lady, light or dark? We have tints
to suit all.
MAUD (_to Ethel_). Would you call her fair or dark, dear?
ETHEL. Oh, dark, of course.
MAUD. You would! Why, I thought she was just about my complexion.
ETHEL. So she is, love, exactly.
MAUD. Why, darling! I am not dark, surely; I am considered to be very,
very fair for a person with such dark hair and eyes.
ETHEL. Now, I would call you a perfect brunette, dear.
MAUD. How funny! Why, I'm just exactly your complexion.
ETHEL. Oh, my love, only reflect--my hair is yellow and my eyes are
blue!
MAUD. I know, dearest, but you have an olive skin.
NEWCOME (_who has been patiently holding up the greens at the risk of
breaking his arms_). There, ladies! I am sure we have a selection of
shades in these greens that must suit the most fastidious.
ETHEL. They are beautiful!
[_Sits._
MAUD. Lovely!
[_Sits._
NEWCOME (_warmly, and much encouraged by the ladies having taken
seats_). Oh, I can always tell at a glance what will suit a customer.
Now, what you desire is not the common grade of colorings, but
something elegant and yet not conspicuous--like this new reed-green,
for example.
[_Holds up the goods._
ETHEL. How sweet!
MAUD. Isn't it?
ETHEL. Do you really think she would like green?
MAUD. I don't know; she is so particular, you know.
ETHEL. Yes, I know. Didn't she-- It seems to me she said something or
other about brown--didn't she?
MAUD. Why, yes, to be sure, I believe she did.
NEWCOME (_casting the greens into a reckless oblivion_). Brown? We
have a selection in all the browns that is not to be found elsewhere,
I am confident. (_Struggles with great pile of browns; grows warm
with effort; pauses to mop his brow with handkerchief; finally
brings down huge number of browns and lands them on counter._)
Our--assortment--of--browns--is (_heaves a deep sigh_), I may say,
unequalled.
ETHEL. What a sweet shade that is!
MAUD. Isn't it?
ETHEL. Are these the same price as the others?
[_Fingers the browns._
NEWCOME. Exactly the same, madam; one dollar and fifty cents a yard,
reduced from two and a half; all-wool.
MAUD. Are you sure they are all-wool? This piece feels rather harsh to
me.
NEWCOME. Every thread, madam; that I will guarantee. We are not
allowed to misrepresent anything in this establishment. You can see
for yourself.
[_Recklessly frays out a few inches of the brown._
ETHEL (_also fingering goods_). Yes, they are all-wool; French, did
you say?
NEWCOME. Every piece imported. We keep no domestic woollen goods
whatever. We have no call for anything but the foreign goods.
MAUD. How wide did you say?
NEWCOME. Double width, madam--forty-four inches.
ETHEL. Five, seven--let me see, it would take about--how much do you
usually sell for a costume?
NEWCOME (_with hilarity, holding up the browns_). From eight to ten
yards, madam, according to the size of the lady. For your size I
should say eight yards was an abundance--a great abundance.
ETHEL. She is just about my size, isn't she, Maud?
MAUD. Just about. It wouldn't take eight yards, I shouldn't think, of
such wide goods made in Empire style.
ETHEL. No, I suppose not; but then it's always nice to have a piece
left over for new sleeves, you know.
MAUD. Yes, that's so.
NEWCOME. An elegant shade, ladies, becoming to anyone, fair or dark. I
am sure any lady must be pleased with a dress off of one of
these--serviceable, stylish, the height of fashion.
ETHEL. Is brown really so fashionable this season?
NEWCOME. I am sure we have sold a thousand yards of these browns to
ten of any other color.
MAUD. Is that so?
ETHEL. I do wonder if she really would prefer brown. What do you
think, dear?
MAUD. Well, it depends somewhat, I think, on how she is going to have
it made.
ETHEL. True. Well, I think she said in _directoire_.
MAUD. Plain full skirt?
ETHEL. Yes, smocked all around--no drapery at all.
MAUD. Candidly, love, do you like a skirt without any drapery at all?
ETHEL. Well, no, I can't say I do. Do you?
MAUD. No. I like a little right in the back, you know--not too much.
But I think a little takes off that dreadfully plain look. Don't you?
ETHEL. Yes.
MAUD. How are y-- I mean how is she going to have the waist?
ETHEL. I don't know. I heard her say that she was going to have a puff
on the sleeve.
MAUD. At the elbow?
ETHEL. No, at the shoulder.
MAUD. And revers, I suppose.
ETHEL. Yes, those stylish broad ones.
MAUD. Of velvet?
ETHEL. Velvet or plush.
NEWCOME (_who has been manfully holding the browns up above his head,
permits them to gently descend_). We have a full line in plushes and
velvets, ladies, to match all these shades.
MAUD. How nice!
ETHEL. So convenient!
NEWCOME (_mildly_). Do you think you'll decide on the brown, madam?
ETHEL. Oh, dear! I don't know. It is so hard to shop for some one
else!
MAUD. It is horrid.
ETHEL. I vow every time I do it that it shall be the last. I am always
so afraid of getting something that the person won't like.
[_Sighs._
NEWCOME. Any lady must like this brown, madam. Just feel the texture
of this piece of goods, and take the trouble to examine the quality.
Why, I have never in all my experience sold a piece of goods of such a
class at a cent less than two dollars a yard--never.
MAUD. It is very fine.
ETHEL (_vaguely eying the goods behind the counter on the shelves_).
Is that a piece of claret-colored that I see up there?
NEWCOME (_lays down the browns with a faint sigh of reluctance_). Yes,
oh, yes.
ETHEL. Never mind to get it down.
NEWCOME. No trouble in the world to show anything; that's what I am
here for. (_Sighs as he attains the clarets and fetches them to the
counter._) Rich shades; ten tints in these also, calculated to suit
any taste.
MAUD. I always did like claret.
ETHEL. Yes, it is so becoming.
MAUD. It has such a warm look, too!
ETHEL. Now, that--no, this one--no, please, that darker piece--yes.
Maud, dear, that made up with plush and garnet buttons and
buckles--Oh, did I tell you I saw some such lovely garnet trimmings at
Blank's last week, only seventy-five cents a yard, just a perfect
match for this. Wouldn't it be too lovely for anything?
MAUD. Indeed it would. I am almost tempted myself. Claret is my color,
you know.
NEWCOME. A splendid shade, madam, and only just two dress lengths
left.
ETHEL. Is this the same goods as the others?
NEWCOME. The very same; all-wool imported suitings, forty-four inches
wide, reduced from two-fifty a yard to only one dollar and a half.
MAUD. Wouldn't that be just perfect with that white muff and boa of
mine, dearest?
ETHEL. Too startling, love. Do you know, I think you made a mistake in
getting that white set.
MAUD. Why?
ETHEL. Too striking.
MAUD. Do you think so?
ETHEL. Yes. Of course it's lovely for the theatre and opera.
MAUD. It's awfully becoming.
ETHEL (_to Newcome_). Now, do you really sell as much claret color as
you do green or brown this season?
NEWCOME. Oh yes, madam; if anything, more. You see claret is one of
the standards, becoming alike to young and old. Why, a child might
wear this shade. Claret will always hold its own; there is a change in
the blues and the greens and the browns, but the claret is always
elegant, and very stylish.
MAUD. I think so too.
ETHEL (_meditatively_). I do wonder if she would like claret better
than brown.
NEWCOME. I can show you the browns again, ladies.
ETHEL. Oh, never mind.
NEWCOME. No trouble in the world. (_Holds up browns and clarets
both._) Now you can judge of the two by contrast.
MAUD. Both lovely.
ETHEL. Which do you like best, love?
MAUD. My dear, I don't know.
NEWCOME. You can't go amiss, madam, with either of those, I am sure.
Any lady must like either of them.
ETHEL. Oh, dear! I wish people would get well and do their own
shopping; it is so trying!
MAUD. Horrid!
NEWCOME. An elegant piece of goods, madam; will wear like iron.
ETHEL. What would you do, dear?
MAUD. I really don't know what to say. When does she want to wear it?
ETHEL. Dinner and theatre.
MAUD. By gaslight, then?
ETHEL. Yes, of course.
MAUD. Does the gaslight change the shade much?
NEWCOME. Just a trifle, madam; it makes it richer.
MAUD. Darker?
NEWCOME. Just a half a tone.
ETHEL. Then that must be considered. Oh, dear!
[_Sighs plaintively._
MAUD. Why not look at it by gaslight, love?
ETHEL. Oh, I hate to give so much trouble!
NEWCOME. No trouble in the world, madam--a pleasure. I will gladly
show you these goods by gaslight, for I am confident you will only
admire them the more. Here, boy (_calls boy, and hands him a pile of
goods_), take these to the gaslight-room. This way ladies, please.
(_They cross the aisle and enter the gaslight-room, preceded by the
boy, who sets down the goods and retires._) There! look at that! Isn't
that a rich, warm, beautiful color!
[_Displays clarets._
MAUD. Lovely!
ETHEL. Yes, lovely--but (_dubiously_) I am so afraid she won't like
it.
MAUD. It is very perplexing.
ETHEL. Yes. Oh, how sweet those browns do look in this light! Don't
they?
NEWCOME. Ah, I just brought over the browns, madam, for I thought you
might care to see them too.
[_Displays browns._
MAUD. How they do light up! Don't they?
NEWCOME. Newest tints, every one of them. Not been in stock over a few
weeks, and those browns have sold like wildfire.
ETHEL. For my own part I always did like brown.
MAUD. Yes, so do I.
ETHEL. It's so ladylike.
MAUD. Yes, and it's a color that is suitable to almost any occasion.
ETHEL. Yes. Now that lightest piece would be just too sweet, wouldn't
it, made up with that new Persian trimming?
MAUD. Exquisite! Say, do you know I priced some of that trimming the
other day.
ETHEL. Did you? how much?
MAUD. Awfully expensive! Five dollars a yard.
ETHEL. How wide?
MAUD. Oh, not more than four inches.
ETHEL. It wouldn't take much, would it?
MAUD. That depends on where you put it.
ETHEL. Well, just on the bodice and sleeves and collar.
MAUD. About two yards and a half.
ETHEL. Fifteen dollars?
MAUD. Yes.
NEWCOME. This brown trimmed in the manner you mention, ladies, would
be very elegant.
MAUD. Yes, so it would. I wish now that I had looked more particularly
at the browns out by the daylight.
NEWCOME. It is easy to look at them again, madam, I am sure. Here,
boy, carry these goods back to the counter where you got them. (_Boy
crosses, laden with goods; Newcome and ladies follow._) That's it.
(_Boy retires._) Now, madam, just look at that shade by this light.
Isn't that perfect?