2d-3d. In the morning the Duke de Rovigo told me I was certainly to
depart for St. Helena: while in conversation with the Emperor, a short
time before, his Majesty had said to him that, if there were only two to
accompany him, I should still be one of the number, as he thought I
could afford him some consolation. I am indebted to the candour and
kindness of the Duke for the satisfaction of being made acquainted with
this flattering assurance, and am truly grateful, as, but for him, it
would never have been known to me. The Emperor had not said a word in
reply to my answer; this was his custom, as I shall have other
opportunities of shewing.
I had no particular acquaintance with any of those who had followed the
Emperor, excepting General and and Madame Bertrand, who had shewn me
great attention during my mission to Illyria, where he was
Governor-General. I had until then never spoken to the Duke de Rovigo,
certain prepossessions having induced me to keep at a distance; we had,
however, scarcely exchanged a few words, when my scruples were
completely removed. Savary was sincerely attached to the Emperor; I knew
he possessed warmth of heart, sincerity, and uprightness of character,
qualities which rendered him susceptible of real friendship; we should,
therefore, I dare say, have become very intimate.
I was again sent for by the Emperor; who, after alluding to different
subjects, began to speak of St. Helena, asking me what sort of a place
it could be; whether it was possible to exist there? and similar
questions. “But,” said he, “after all, is it quite certain that I shall
go there? Is a man dependent on others, when he wishes that his
dependence should cease?”—We continued to walk to and fro in the cabin;
he seemed calm, though affected, and somewhat absent.
“My friend,” continued the Emperor, “I have sometimes an idea of
quitting you, and this would not be very difficult; it is only necessary
to create a little mental excitement, and I shall soon have escaped.—All
will be over, and you can then quietly rejoin your families. This is the
more easy, since my internal principles do not oppose any bar to it:—I
am one of those who conceive that the pains of the other world were only
imagined as a counterpoise to those inadequate allurements which are
offered to us there. God can never have willed such a contradiction to
his infinite goodness, especially for an act of this kind; and what is
it after all, but wishing to return to him a little sooner?”
I remonstrated warmly against such notions. Poets and philosophers had
said that it was a spectacle worthy of the Divinity, to see men
struggling with fortune: reverses and constancy had their glory. Such a
great and noble character as his could not descend to the level of
vulgar minds; he who had governed us with so much glory, who had excited
the admiration, and influenced the destinies, of the world, could not
end like a desperate gamester or a disappointed lover. What would then
become of all those who looked up to and placed their hopes in him?
Would he thus abandon the field to his enemies? The anxiety shewn by the
latter to drive him to it was surely sufficient to make him resist: who
could tell the secrets of time, or dare assert what the future would
produce? What might not happen from the mere change of a ministry, the
death of a Prince, that of a confidant, the slightest passion, or the
most trifling dispute?
“Some of these suggestions have their weight,” said the Emperor, “but
what can we do in that desolate place?”—“Sire,” I replied, “we will live
on the past: there is enough in it to satisfy us. Do we not enjoy the
life of Cæsar and that of Alexander? We shall possess still more, you
will re-peruse yourself, Sire!” “Be it so!” rejoined Napoleon; “we will
write our Memoirs. Yes, we must be employed; for occupation is the
scythe of Time. After all, a man ought to fulfil his destinies; this is
my grand doctrine:[8] let mine also be accomplished.” Re-assuming from
this instant an air of ease and even gaiety, he passed on to subjects
totally unconnected with our situation.
Footnote 8:
The following is a document which the above circumstance contributes
to render still more precious: it is an order of the day, issued by
the First Consul to his guard, against suicide.
_Order of the 22d Floreal, Year X._
“The Grenadier Gobain has committed suicide from love: he was in other
respects an excellent soldier. This is the second incident of the same
nature that has occurred in the corps within a month.
“The first Consul directs it to be inserted in the order-book of the
Guard:—
“That a soldier ought to know how to vanquish the pangs and melancholy
of the passions; that there is as much true courage in bearing up
against mental sufferings with constancy, as in remaining firm on the
wall of a battery.
“To give ourselves up to grief without resistance, or to kill
ourselves to escape affliction, is to abandon the field of battle
before the victory is gained.”