[The Executive of the German Sporting Clubs and Athletic
Associations have issued a manifesto expressing satisfaction
at the substitution of German for English words and phrases.
"German sport," it declares, "in future places itself
unreservedly on the side of those who would further German
Kultur. German Song and German Art will in future find a
home in German sport." This new patriotic programme has been
greatly applauded in the Press, the _Berliner Tageblatt_
observing that the culture of soul and body must proceed
_pari passu_, with the result that "not only will the German
sportsman become a beautiful body, but a beautiful soul
as well. Every club must have its library, not filled with
sensational novels, but with works of art. And before all else
the club-house must be architecturally beautiful--an object
from which he may obtain spiritual edification."]
The German is seldom amusing,
Since humour is hardly his forte,
But I've frequently smiled in perusing
His latest pronouncement on sport;
For it seems that he thinks it the duty
Of sportsmen to aim at the goal
Of adding to bodily beauty
A beauty of soul.
They've made a good start by proscribing
All English and Anglicised terms,
To counter the risk of imbibing
Debased philological germs;
And they've coined a new wonderful lingo,
Which only a Teuton can talk,
Resembling the yelp of a dingo,
A cormorant's squawk.
But in spite of his prowess Titanic,
His marvellous physical gift,
The soul of the athlete Germanic
Still clamours for moral uplift;
So we learn without any emotion
That, his ultimate aim to secure,
He must bathe in the bountiful ocean
Of German _Kultur_.
In the process of character-building
Hun Art (_Simplicissimus_ brand),
With its _rococo_ carving and gilding,
Must ever advance hand in hand
With its sister, Hun Song, that inspiring
And exquisite engine of Hate,
Whose efforts we've all been admiring
So largely of late.
Thus, freed from all sentiment sickly,
The sportsman whom Germany needs
Will help to exterminate quickly
All weak and effeminate breeds;
And, trained in the gospel of BISSING,
Will cleave to the Hun decalogue
Which rivets the link, rarely missing,
'Twixt him and the hog.
* * * * *
"Parlourmaid wanted for Sussex; under parlourmaid kept; Roman
Catholic and spectacles objected to."
Our own preference is for a Plymouth Sister with _pince-nez_.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Cook_ (_who, after interview with prospective
mistress, is going to think it over_). "'ULLO! PRAMBILATOR! IF YOU'D
TOLD ME YOU 'AD CHILDREN I NEEDN'T HAVE TROUBLED MESELF TO 'AVE COME."
_The Prospective Mistress_. "OH! B-BUT IF YOU THINK THE PLACE WOULD
OTHERWISE SUIT YOU I DARESAY WE COULD BOARD THE CHILDREN OUT."]
* * * * *