It is reported that, should the measures recently adopted by the
railway companies with a view to "discourage unnecessary travelling"
prove insufficient, other expedients, of a more stringent character,
may be resorted to. By the courtesy of an official we are able to give
details of some further innovations that have been suggested.
(I.) The Platform Staff at the chief stations will be specially
trained to answer all enquiries from civilian passengers in an
ambiguous or quasi-humorous manner.
Thus detailed instructions are to be issued giving the correct form
of reply to such questions as, "Can I take this train to Rugby?" The
answer in this case will convey a jocular suggestion that the task is
best left to the engine-driver; and others in the same style.
In all cases of urgency the formula "Wait and see" to be freely
employed for purposes of discouragement.
(II.) In the case of exceptionally popular tickets, such as those to
Brighton, a strictly limited number of impressions to be struck off,
which will be disposed of by public auction to the highest bidder.
(III.) When stoppages (whether necessary or disciplinary) take place
between stations, preference to be given to the interior of tunnels.
All artificial light will then be cut off, and the officials of the
train will run up and down the corridors howling like wolves.
(IV.) On hearing the declaration of any would-be traveller (as
"Margate") it shall be optional for the booking-clerk to reply, "I
double Margate"; when his opponent, the public, must either pay twice
the already increased fare or forfeit the journey.
(V.) The quality of buns, pastry and sandwiches at the station
refreshment-rooms to be drastically revised. A return to be made
to the more "discouraging" models of fifty years ago, which will
be specially manufactured under the supervision of the Ministry of
Munitions.
(VI.) All the too-attractive photographs of agreeable places on
the company's service at present exhibited in the compartments to
be removed, and in place of them the frames to be filled with such
chastening subjects as "Marine Drive at Slushboro' on a Wet Evening,"
"No Bathing To-day" (Bude), or "Fac-simile of a typical week-end bill
at the Hotel Superb, Shrimpville." It is felt that if this last item
does not cause people to stop at home nothing will.
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