Trimalchio broke in upon this entertaining gossip, for the course had
been removed and the guests, happy with wine, had started a general
conversation: lying back upon his couch, "You ought to make this wine go
down pleasantly," he said, "the fish must have something to swim in. But
I say, you didn't think I'd be satisfied with any such dinner as you saw
on the top of that tray? 'Is Ulysses no better known?' Well, well, we
shouldn't forget our culture, even at dinner. May the bones of my patron
rest in peace, he wanted me to become a man among men. No one can show
me anything new, and that little tray has proved it. This heaven where
the gods live, turns into as many different signs, and sometimes into the
Ram: therefore, whoever is born under that sign will own many flocks and
much wool, a hard head, a shameless brow, and a sharp horn. A great many
school-teachers and rambunctious butters-in are born under that sign."
We applauded the wonderful penetration of our astrologer and he ran on,
"Then the whole heaven turns into a bull-calf and the kickers and
herdsmen and those who see to it that their own bellies are full, come
into the world. Teams of horses and oxen are born under the Twins, and
well-hung wenchers and those who bedung both sides of the wall. I was
born under the Crab and therefore stand on many legs and own much
property on land and sea, for the crab is as much at home on one as he is
in the other. For that reason, I put nothing on that sign for fear of
weighing down my own destiny. Bulldozers and gluttons are born under the
Lion, and women and fugitives and chain-gangs are born under the Virgin.
Butchers and perfumers are born under the Balance, and all who think that
it is their business to straighten things out. Poisoners and assassins
are born under the Scorpion. Cross-eyed people who look at the
vegetables and sneak away with the bacon, are born under the Archer.
Horny-handed sons of toil are born under Capricorn. Bartenders and
pumpkin-heads are born under the Water-Carrier. Caterers and
rhetoricians are born under the Fishes: and so the world turns round,
just like a mill, and something bad always comes to the top, and men are
either being born or else they're dying. As to the sod and the honeycomb
in the middle, for I never do anything without a reason, Mother Earth is
in the centre, round as an egg, and all that is good is found in her,
just like it is in a honeycomb."