EXAMINATION.
Directly Mr. Winthrop had attended to matters at once claiming his
attention on his return, he began to investigate my daily avocations. I
showed him the work already accomplished, so far as it could be seen--the
knitting certainly excepted. My sketches in water colors and oils I
brought out rather timidly for his inspection. Mrs. Flaxman had told me
how severe he was in his criticisms on careless work, and possibly all
through my painting the thought what he might say of what I was doing had
a strong influence on the quality of my work. In some respects, no doubt,
it helped me to paint more carefully and copy more closely from nature;
but, on the other hand, imagination and freedom were restrained; and it
is possible I might have better satisfied him with what I had
accomplished if I had never once thought about his opinion as I worked.
As I carried them into the library that bright early autumn morning, I
felt a shrinking at submitting my pictures, in their imperfection, to
unsympathetic eyes, much as a mother might feel at bringing a deformed
child to a baby show; but I had also a measure of satisfaction, since I
could prove to my guardian that I had not been idle, when I spread before
him copies, more or less defective, of views from his own grounds. The
servants had watched them grow under my pencil and brush with an interest
almost equalling my own; and it was amusing the eagerness which even
Thomas evinced to be painted into a picture, spoiling it very much, to my
mind, by insisting on having on his Sunday clothes.
Mr. Winthrop glanced at them with some surprise as he saw the goodly
heap; then he said: "I will only look to-day at what you have done since
coming here. Mrs. Flaxman tells me you have accomplished a good
expenditure of paint."
"I have only brought those, sir, I did not suppose you cared to examine
my school work."
"Some other time I may do so; but do you say all these have been done
since you came here?" He picked one up, not noticing apparently my reply,
and recognizing the view, instantly his face brightened.
"Ah, you have shown taste in this selection; it is one of my favorite
views. I am glad you prefer nature to mere copying from another's work
which is like accepting other men's ideas, when one is capable of
originating them of one's own." He looked at it closely and for some time
in silence, then with no further word of praise he criticised it
mercilessly, while he pointed out fault after fault. I could only
acquiesce in the correctness of his criticisms, and only wondered I
should have been so blind as to permit such glaring faults to creep into
my work. Of the many scores of drawing and painting lessons I had
previously taken, not any twelve of them, to say the least, had widened
my knowledge of art as this hour spent with my guardian over that first
picture had done. I looked at him with a provoked sort of admiration,
surprised that one who knew so well how nature should be imitated, did
not, himself, attempt the task, and angry both with him and myself that I
was being subjected to such humiliation, while I listened to him as he
convinced me the picture I thought so good was a mere daub. I was wise
enough, and proud enough too, not to make any sign that I was undergoing
torture, and with stoical calmness permitted him, without a single
remonstrance, to examine every picture there, even the one containing
Thomas in his Sunday suit, as he stood surveying with idealized face,
a superb patch of cabbages.
"Fancy has run riot with you there entirely; if the gardener were
surveying his sweetheart in the church choir he might have some such
seraphic expression, but it is utterly thrown away on those vegetables;
his face and his broadcloth coat are in perfect harmony," Mr. Winthrop
said, with even voice, as he held aloft the picture that all the other
members of his household had so greatly admired.
"You think, then, the time spent in these has been quite wasted?" I tried
to say calmly.
"A genuine artist, no doubt, would say without a moment's hesitation that
the paint was thrown away. As for the time, he would probably say a young
girl's time was of little consequence in any case. I am not an artist,
and do not value paint at a high figure; so I most decidedly affirm that
you made an excellent use of the paint. Labor conscientiously spent in
decorating a barn door is well employed. The door may not be much the
better, but the person who tries to improve its appearance with
painstaking care is benefited."
"Then I may conscientiously continue decorating canvas, or at least
trying to do so."
"I should certainly desire and advise you to do so; but instead of
covering so many, if you would take time and talent in elaborating one
picture, I would be better pleased."
He laid the pictures to one side. "We will continue this study more
exhaustingly in the future; to-day I want to speak of other things. You
have made use of my library, Mrs. Flaxman also informs me. Will you
please tell me what books you have been reading?"
I went to the shelves and took down the books I had spent most time over,
a good many were novels; and on these I felt certain I could pass a
fairly good examination, since I had read some of them with absorbed
interest; novels of all kinds were, for the most part, forbidden mental
food at school, and therefore, when opportunity offered, I dipped into
them with the keener avidity. But my mind was healthy enough to crave
more solid food than fiction alone, and I was glad to be able to hand my
guardian a volume or two of Carlyle's Frederick, Froude's Cæsar, Motley's
Rise of the Dutch Republic, and a couple of volumes of Bancroft's History
of the United States.
"Have you read all these since you came to Oaklands?" he asked, with
evident surprise.
"I skipped some of the dull passages; the 'dry-as-dust' parts of which I
found a few even in Carlyle."
"Could you stand an examination, think you, in each or any of them?"
"I am willing to try," I said, seating myself on the opposite side of the
table with folded hands, and possibly a martyrlike air of resignation.
"Since you are so willing we will take Froude's Cæsar to-day; let me hear
you give a digest of the entire book."
My eyes sparkled; for this was the last volume I had read, and the author
had infused into my mind a strong leaven of his own hero-worship for the
majestic Cæsar. I was surprised at the ease with which I repeated chapter
after chapter of those stirring incidents, while with his stern,
inscrutable face, my guardian turned the leaves to follow me in my rapid
flight from tragedy to tragedy in those stormy times.
He laid the book down without comment, and, glancing at the remainder of
the pile paused a moment, and then said: "I will defer the criticisms on
these to some other day. Your memory as well as vocal organs will be
fatigued."
I meanwhile resolved to consult those books again before the further
examination should take place.
"You have practised every day on the piano in addition to your other
work; may I ask how long a time you allowed yourself?"
"At least an hour, sometimes when it was wet or unpleasant out of doors I
took longer time. Never more than three hours, I believe."
"We will take an hour or two after dinner over your music, after this
once a week, we will spend a short time in reviewing what you read."
A new anxiety seized me at this promised ordeal. I fancied examinations
and I had said good-bye forever when I left the school-room.
"I trust you will not think me severe if I insist on thoroughness in
everything. I am wearied seeing so much good money and time wasted on
young girls! With the majority of them, once they have left their
teacher's side, all their interest in further mental culture is at an
end."
"Some great writers say that our schooling is simply to train the mind to
work, fitting it, so to speak, with necessary tools like a well-equipped
mechanic."
"But if the tools are never utilized, what good are they merely to lie
and rust?"
"Who can affirm positively that they are never utilized? Even the
shallowest boarding-school Miss may carry herself more gracefully in
society than one of your usefulest women--Mrs. Blake, for instance."
"How do you know anything about Mrs. Blake?" he asked abruptly.
"I met her on the train when I came here and she talked some time with
me."
"It is not usual for persons in your position to permit such liberties."
"I thought in America all were reckoned equal."
"You are not an American."
"Shall I return then to Europe? I could always travel first-class, and so
be safe from vulgar intrusion."
"Until your majority your father decided that your home was to be here
after you left school."
"At what age do I attain my majority?" I asked eagerly.
"Are you tired of Oaklands?" His eyes were watching me intently.
"Never, until to day." I faltered, exceedingly frightened, but forced to
tell the truth.
He turned over the leaves of the Cæsar for a few seconds, in silence,
then he said in quite gentle tones:--
"You are tired; we will leave books for another day."
I bowed, but dared not trust myself to speak lest I might reveal that my
tears were struggling to find vent, and began gathering up my sketches.
He took up a view of Oaklands over which I had lingered lovingly for a
good many hours, adding what I fondly thought were perfecting touches and
said:--
"I should like to keep this, if you will give it to me."
My heart instantly grew lighter, so that I was able to say quite calmly
that he was very welcome to it. This, however, was the only compliment he
paid me for the work over which I had been expending so much time and
effort during the past few months; but I had done the work much in the
same fashion that the birds sing--from instinct.