_First Sportsman._ Awfully hot at Newmarket last week!
_Second S._ Thought it would be. Had "nothing on," so stayed at home,
blinds down, windows open.
* * *
"SCRAPS FROM CHAPS."--"CORKED" STOUT.--The Mitchelstown Guardians were
debating on the stout supplied to pauper patients. A Mr. DINEEN
proposed, "That in future the Treble X stout manufactured by Messrs.
MURPHY, Cork, be used in the workhouse instead of GUINNESS'S." His
argument was that "it would help a local manufacture," and that "the
doctors all approved of MURPHY'S." The chairman suggested that they
might "be doing an injustice to the patients by taking in MURPHY'S
stout." Why not put the question to the patients? It is _they_ who will
have to "take in MURPHY'S stout," not the guardians, and they are not
likely to "do themselves the injustice" of refusing it if drinkable.
MURPHY'S stout is evidently a light brew, as it was "carried by one."
Another guardian described the resolution as a "blow which GUINNESS
didn't deserve"; but GUINNESS survived the blow, and went up ten points
on the Stock Exchange next day.
* * * * *
[Illustration: EUPHEMISM.
_Man in Boat._ "COME ALONG, OLD CHAP, AND LET'S PULL UP TO MARLOW."
_Man on Shore._ "I THINK I'LL GET YOU TO EXCUSE ME OLD MAN. I DON'T LIKE
SCULLING--IT--ER--HURTS THE BACK OF MY HEAD SO!"]
* * * * *