Dear Charles,--Half-a-dozen officers of _the_ battalion, including your
own pet terrier, have got cut off from the main body, but are all alive
and well, as you shall hear. We have come down from our war to our peace
station in order to gather together the few hundred recruits who have
been enrolled to bring up the brigade to its proper establishment, and
fill the places of those luckless fellows whose flesh was too weak for
Imperial service, however willing their spirit might have been. I must
say I was more sorry for the "medically unfit" than I have ever been for
anyone in this hard world, when we took affectionate leave of them.
The recruit is an excellent fellow, whose only fault is that he didn't
start before. Now and then he is a plutocrat, as I have found to my
cost. It was my first job to prearrange the lodging of two hundred of
them in their temporary billet, an unoccupied mansion originally
designed to house twenty persons at the outside. There was an overflow,
as you may imagine, which had to be lodged in the outhouses. The garage
I marked out for twenty-five, leaving it to themselves to decide whether
or not the inspection-pit was the place of honour reserved for the
N.C.O. in charge. Other business prevented my receiving them at the
front gate and conducting them to their several rooms. When I did arrive
on the scene it was my heartrending duty to explain to Privates
Anstruther and Vernon that the reason why they couldn't find their
bedroom was because they had filled it with their motor-cars. But it is
wonderful how people can settle down to anything; an hour later I found
the twenty-five of them comfortably tucked in for the night, crooning
unanimously, "There's no place like home!" To-day they have chalked up
on the wall, "The Ritz Private Boarding Establishment; well-aired beds;
bring your own straw. Excellent cuisine. _No_ garage."
This is the sort of remark which, as you go the rounds of the mess
tables, you have to pretend you have not heard: "The officer wants to
know if you have all got plenty of potatoes. Every man stand up and say
'I have';" and, to demonstrate the _camaraderie_ which exists in the
hard circumstances of military life, "George, lend me your slice of
bacon to clean my knife with." The most moving reply I have personally
received came from one of the less-educated section. I asked to what
company he was attached, and he didn't know. "Who is your captain?" I
said. "'Im with the scuppered 'at," was the descriptive reply. Captain
Herne has since lectured his gang on the rudiments of military
discipline, first, however, replenishing his neglected equipment.
And now let us turn from the domestic aspect to the infantry training,
and let me tell you all about outposts, their duty and their manner of
performing it. Outpost companies, it must be remembered, do their work
at night. I don't know, Charles, whether you have ever sat under a hedge
for hours on end in the dark, waiting the approach of the enemy. It must
be bad enough in real warfare, where there is a chance of his turning
up; but in practice it is worse, for there is the certainty that he
_must_ turn up. He left the camp an hour before you did yourself, and,
if he does succeed in getting through your lines, he'll never let you
hear the last of it.
Now you must remember that my fellows had spent many weary days "sloping
arms," only to unslope them again almost immediately, and in other
sufficiently bloodless pursuits. They are naturally of a pugilistic
breed, and the attacking party comprised old-time opponents. Constant
efforts to keep a watch in the dark are trying to the nerves, and when
something substantial does emerge which one may get a grip on ... what
use is it for an officer to say that no violence is required and enough
is done for present purposes if the enemy is successfully observed and
quietly apprehended? The first enemy to approach turned out, on arrest,
to be just an innocuous cow; but this disappointment served only to make
the aspect of my men even more menacing. The next arrival was a hapless
scout of the attacking party: he had come to surprise, but was himself
violently surprised. What advice and exhortations I had to give were
lost in the hubbub. "Put up your fists, chaps, and let him have it!" was
the order, which was obeyed. The necessity for silence was forgotten;
here was something upon which to wreak all the pent-up feelings
consequent upon a month's perusal of German atrocities. It was
excusable, if unsporting, for the scout to bite the thumb of his nearest
assailant--and a good thorough bite it was. It fell to my lot later to
dress the wound; as I did so the casualty explained to me fully and
often the exact circumstances of the case. But he was not angry about
it; far from it. With an expression of feature combining interested
enquiry with perfect readiness to accept whatever might be in the proper
order of infantry training, he said, "And then 'e bit me thumb, Sir. Was
that right?"
D'Arcy and I had an awkward moment the other day. We turned into a
wayside golf club in an emergency, and begged to be allowed to buy our
tea there. Even as we did so the Secretary himself arrived in a motor
car, which, as we were not aware, had but a little while ago overtaken
Major Danks and the half battalion under his charge. Even the Secretary
himself, accustomed to ignore foot-passengers, did not appreciate that
he had roused the Major's wrath by the haste of his overtaking. The
Secretary was, to us, politeness itself--nay more, he insisted upon our
being the guests of the club not only on that occasion but on every
available opportunity. Other members gathered round and endorsed his
view. We returned thanks in brief and soldierly speeches. There were, by
way of reply, votes of confidence, and, in rejoinder, expressions of
reciprocated esteem. The invitation was extended to every officer in the
battalion, and then we withdrew to the wash-house to prepare to
receive hospitality. Hardly had we departed when the Major arrived, and
we returned from our ablutions, if not into the open, at least
sufficiently near to hear him reprimanding the Secretary in the most
violent terms, threatening arrest to the miscreant chauffeur, and,
indeed, the annihilation of the whole clubhouse and links, and every
man, woman and child in or about them. Old man, I have never less
enjoyed a meal at others' expense than I did the tea which followed.
Acting temporarily as Quarter-Master I went to the butcher's to-day. "A
nice morning, Sir," said he. What could he do for me? "What about some
beef?" said I. "About ten pounds?" he suggested. "Nearer two hundred," I
replied.... "Good day," he concluded, as he bowed me out of the shop. "A
_very_ nice morning, Sir."
I'll tell you my opinion of these soldiers, Charles, amateur or
professional. Feed them like princes and pamper them like babies, and
they'll complain all the time. But stand them up to be shot at and
they'll take it as a joke, and rather a good joke, too.
Yours ever,
HENRY.
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