Although the German army already owes much of its efficiency to useful
hints garnered from the animal kingdom--such as the goose-step, which
has been employed with such conspicuous success in the streets of
Brussels--we were hardly prepared for the far-reaching mobilisation of
the more familiar mammals which is now foreshadowed. It is true that we
had already been much impressed by the KAISER'S threat to continue the
war to the last breath of man and horse, but it is none the less
startling to learn, on American authority, that the German Government
would, at a pinch, be prepared to arm every cat and dog in the Empire.
It will thus be open to the future historian to speak of "the cats of
war."
There is another branch of the community which should not be
overlooked--if the KAISER is willing to take a suggestion--in the form
of the domestic cattle of the Fatherland. These, we believe, are
admirably adapted to attack in close formation upon entrenched
positions. And much might be done with the rats from the cellars of
Munich--than which no finer natural warriors exist.
But the new menace must be met. Fortunately, if zoological warfare is to
become an accomplished fact, the British Empire has great untapped
resources. It is rumoured that a Camel Corps has been despatched from
India already, and a squadron of elephants should be a match for a whole
Army Corps of dachshunds.
On the whole we welcome the new departure. It may lead--who knows?--to
the establishment of a higher standard in German civilized warfare.
An interesting light has been thrown on this new mobilisation by a
letter concealed in the whiskers of the captured mascot (a
Tortoiseshell) of a Bavarian regiment. It runs as follows:--
POTSDAM.
(Can't divulge address.)
DEAR GRETCHEN,--Awful bad luck for poor Schneider. He went to
enlist and was told to register! Of course he's got a streak of the
Persian in him on his mother's side, and used to brag about it, as
we all know; but now it's done him in the eye, and he's fairly mad.
Carl is in the commissariat and tells me we've got three million
tins of sardines; so that's all right as far as it goes; but, if
there's any weakness in the victualling department, I shall be the
first to leave the colours.
They're making one huge mistake. The dogs are called out too. You know
what German dogs are--sausage-food, we call them. Of course they'll be
cut up and give the show away. But, if they're in the first line with
us behind them, they'll have to fight somebody.
Albrecht is in the Royal Blacks (Empress's own). Max has joined the 3rd
Tabbies, and I've got a command in the 10th Tortoiseshells.
Your one and only
PUSS IN PRUSSIANS.
P.S.--It's a joke with the Tabby regiments that they've got their
stripes already.
* * * * *
"Ste. Menehould is 32 miles due west of Verdun. Montfaucon is 18
miles north-east of Ste. Menehould and a dozen miles north-west of
Verdun."--_Manchester Guardian._
The War has changed many things; among them the triangle's old habit of
having two of its sides together greater than the third. But there;
"necessity," as the IMPERIAL CHANCELLOR says, "knows no law."
* * * * *
Illustration: _Humorist (to Cinema Commissionaire)._ "NOW VEN, WILHELM,
GIVE US ONE OR TWO GOOSE-STEPS!"
* * * * *