My dear and lovely cousin, I am preparing to make the tour of the
world; I am going into another hemisphere, in pursuit of that peace
which I could not enjoy in this. Fool that I am! I am going to wander
over the universe, without being able to find one place where my heart
can rest. I am going to find a retreat from the world, where I may be
at a distance from you. But it becomes me to regard the will of a
friend, a benefactor, a father. Without the smallest hopes of a cure,
at least I will take pains for it; Eloisa and virtue require the
sacrifice. In three hours time I shall be at the mercy of the winds;
in three days, I shall lose sight of Europe; in three months, I shall
be in unknown seas, raging with perpetual tempests; in three years
perhaps... How dreadful is the thought of never seeing you more! alas!
the greatest danger is in my own breast; for whatever may be my fate,
I am resolved, I swear, that you shall see me worthy to appear in your
sight, or you shall never behold me more.
Lord B----, who is on his return to Rome, will deliver this letter in
his way, and acquaint you with all particulars concerning me. You are
acquainted with his disposition, and you will easily guess at those
circumstances which he does not chuse to communicate. You was once no
stranger to mine; therefore you may likewise form some judgment of
those things which I do not care to relate myself.
Your friend, I hear, has the happiness to be a mother as well as
yourself. Ought she then to be? ... O inexorable heaven! ... O _my_
mother, why did heaven in its wrath grant you a son? ...
I must conclude; I feel that I must. Farewell, ye pure and celestial
souls! Farewell ye tender and inseparable friends, the best women on
earth! Each of you is the only object worthy of the other’s
affections. May you mutually contribute to each other’s happiness.
Deign now and then to call to mind the memory of an unfortunate
wretch, who only existed to share with you every sentiment of his
soul, and who ceased to live, the moment he was divided from you. If
ever----... I hear the signal, and the shouts of the sailors. The wind
blows strong, and the sails are spread. I must on board: I must be
gone. Thou vast and immense sea, which perhaps wilt bury me beneath
thy waves! O that upon thy swelling surge I could recover that calm
which has forsaken my troubled soul!