_Lord Illingworth._ My dear GORING, I assure you that a well-tied tie
is the first serious step in life.
_Lord Goring._ My dear ILLINGWORTH, five well-made button-holes a day
are far more essential. They please women, and women rule society.
_Lord Illingworth._ I understood you considered women of no
importance?
_Lord Goring._ My dear GEORGE, a man's life revolves on curves of
intellect. It is on the hard lines of the emotions that a woman's
life progresses. Both revolve in cycles of masterpieces. They should
revolve on bi-cycles; built, if possible, for two. But I am keeping
you?
[Illustration: "Full of good things!"]
_Lord Illingworth._ I wish you were. Nowadays it is only the poor who
are kept at the expense of the rich.
_Lord Goring._ Yes. It is perfectly comic, the number of young men
going about the world nowadays who adopt perfect profiles as a useful
profession.
_Lord Illingworth._ Surely that must be the next world? How about the
Chiltern Thousands?
_Lord Goring._ Don't. GEORGE. Have you seen WINDERMERE lately? Dear
WINDERMERE! I should like to be exactly unlike WINDERMERE.
_Lord Illingworth._ Poor WINDERMERE! He spends his mornings in doing
what is possible, and his evenings in saying what is probable. By the
way, do you really understand all I say?
_Lord Goring._ Yes, when I don't listen attentively.
_Lord Illingworth._ Reach me the matches, like a good boy--thanks.
Now--define these cigarettes--as tobacco.
_Lord Goring._ My dear GEORGE, they are atrocious. And they leave me
unsatisfied.
_Lord Illingworth._ You are a promising disciple of mine. The only use
of a disciple is that at the moment of one's triumph he stands behind
one's chair and shouts that after all he is immortal.
_Lord Goring._ You are quite right. It is as well, too, to remember
from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be learnt.
_Lord Illingworth._ Certainly, and ugliness is the root of all
industry.
_Lord Goring._ GEORGE, your conversation is delightful, but your views
are terribly unsound. You are always saying insincere things.
_Lord Illingworth._ If one tells the truth, one is sure sooner or
later to be found out.
_Lord Goring._ Perhaps. The sky is like a hard hollow sapphire. It is
too late to sleep. I shall go down to Covent Garden and look at the
roses. Good-night, GEORGE! I have had such a pleasant evening!
* * * * *