[FROM SOPHIA DOROTHEA TO KÖNIGSMARCK]
[Wiesbaden], _September 13th/23rd {1692}_.
Instead of the extreme pleasure which all your letters afford to me,
that which I received this evening has pierced my heart. One could not
think of anything that could hurt one more than what you write to me. I
shall not repeat it; I believe that you will remember it still very
well, and I would give everything in the world to be able to forget it.
By what passage of my life can I have deserved the opinion which you
show you have of me? If I thought to have given cause for it, I should
wish to be dead; but, the more I examine myself, the more I find myself
far removed from such sentiments, and, thanks be to God, I feel my heart
as noble as it ought to be. I wish to say nothing further to you on this
subject; I might lose my temper, and I very much hate harshness. But, to
reply to the four points on which you continue to harp. I am very much
deceived if I did not tell you that Sparr has been at L.,[211] and, if I
did not do so, it was certainly because I forgot to do so and because I
did not think that he was worth the trouble of my remembering him. I can
swear to you all the oaths you please that there is no reason besides
this; moreover, I did not say two words to him [about] the joy which you
reproach me for having felt at finding Guldenleu[212] here. I shall not
reply to you on the subject, for it is a ridiculous notion, and nothing
in the world could be so ill-imagined with regard to the Fair. I assure
you that I did not say a word in order to go there; but as I am quite
sincere I am prepared to _confess to you that I was not vexed about it_;
and, as to my new lover, you are mad to disquiet yourself about him; for
he is far away from here, and according to all appearances I shall not
see him; and [neither] his sisters nor anybody in the world will ever
make me take any step against the affection which so fills my heart. I
have already told you that I am convinced that he is not coming to
Han[over]; but, if this should happen, provided that I am better pleased
with you than I am this evening, I shall treat [him] with absolute
rudeness rather than allow his visits. I am very foolish to give a
reasonable explanation in reply to all your fancies—[to] you who are so
far from reasonable as to anything that concerns me, and who have driven
me to despair by your fine letter. It is true that you mean afterwards
to repair your fault; but this is not sufficient, and I am not well
pleased, for I desire your esteem, and you do not show that you have any
for me. The _Confidante_ yesterday received [a letter] from the beloved
Ketler,[213] who writes to her by order of the Landgrave[214] to offer
his compliments to Leonisse, since you wish to call her by that name,
and to assure her that he will do what is in his power to see her here
or at the Fair. I do not, however, think that this is possible, because
we take our departure to-morrow, and one will only be there for a single
day. I shall not write to you till I shall have arrived, and I shall
give you a sincere and faithful account of all. I shall say nothing
affectionate to you this evening, for you do not deserve it; I am afraid
that I shall not have the same strength of mind to-morrow, and that I
shall have forgotten my anger, for I am furiously fond of you, and,
although I do not tell you about it, I nevertheless feel that I love you
with a passion of which there never was the like.
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Footnote 211:
I cannot offer any conjecture as to the identity of Sparr. He may have
been a descendant of the celebrated Brandenburg Field-Marshal von
Sparr. ‘L.’ may of course be Luisburg.
Footnote 212:
‘Guldenleu,’ if that be the true reading of the MS. (Wilkins, p. 229,
spells the name ‘Guldenlon’), might conceivably mean Ulric Christian
Gyldenlöve, the natural brother of Charles XII.
Footnote 213:
The Kettelers of Harkotten were Hanoverian Barons. (The famous Bishop
of Mainz was a scion of this family.)
Footnote 214:
The Landgrave is no doubt Landgrave Charles of Hesse-Cassel, of whom
the Duchess of Orleans speaks as her cousin. His mother, the
Landgravine Hedwig Sophia, was a daughter of the Elector George
William of Brandenburg and his wife Elizabeth Charlotte, sister of the
Elector Palatine Frederick V.
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