Helen had still another incident before her, however, ere she left St
Mary's Road. It was late in the afternoon when she went back. To go back
at all, to enter the dismantled place, and have that new dreary picture
thrust into her mind instead of the old image of home, was painful
enough, and Norah's cheeks were pale, and even to Helen the air and the
movement conveyed a certain relief. They went into the quieter part of
the park and walked for an hour or two saying little. Now and then poor
Norah would be beguiled into a little monologue, to which her mother
lent a half attention--but that was all. It was easier to be in motion
than to keep still, and it was less miserable to look at the trees, the
turf, the blue sky, than at the walls of a room which was full of
associations of happiness. They did not get home until the carriages
were beginning to roll into the park for the final round before dinner.
And when they reached their own house, there stood a smart cabriolet
before it, the horse held by a little tiger. Within the gate two
gentlemen met them coming down the steps. One of them was a youth of
eighteen or nineteen, who looked at Helen with a wondering awe-stricken
glance. The other was--Mr Golden. Norah had closed the garden door
heedlessly after her. They were thus shut in, the four together
confronting each other, unable to escape. Helen could not believe her
eyes. Her heart began to beat, her pale cheeks to flush, a kind of mist
of excitement came before her vision. Mr Golden, too, was not without a
certain perturbation. He had not expected to see any one. He took off
his hat, and cleared his voice, and made an effort to seem at his ease.
'I had just called,' he said, 'to express--to inquire--I did not know
things had been so far advanced. I would not intrude--for the world.'
'Oh!' cried Helen, facing him, standing between him and the door, 'how
dare you come here?'
'Dare, Mrs Drummond? I--I don't understand----'
'You do understand,' she said, 'better--far better than any one else
does. And how dare you come to look at your handiwork? A man may be what
you are, and yet have a little shame. Oh, you robber of the dead! if I
had been anything but a woman, you would not have ventured to look me in
the face.'
He did not venture to look her in the face then; he looked at his
companion instead, opening his eyes, and nodding his head slightly, as
if to imply that she was crazed. 'It is only a woman who can insult a
man with impunity,' he said, 'but I hope I am able to make allowance for
your excited feelings. It is natural for a lady to blame some one, I
suppose. Rivers, let us go.'
'Not till I have spoken,' she cried in her excitement. 'This is but a
boy, and he ought to know whom he is with. Oh, how is it that I cannot
strike you down and trample upon you? If I were to call that policeman
he would not take you, I suppose. You liar and thief! don't dare to
answer me. What, at my own door; at the door of the man whose good name
you have stolen, whom you have slandered in his grave--oh my God! who
has not even a grave because you drove him mad!--' she cried, her eyes
blazing, her cheeks glowing, all the silent beauty of her face growing
splendid in her passion.
The young man gazed at her as at an apparition, his lips falling apart,
his face paling. He had never heard such a voice, never seen such an
outburst of outraged human feeling before.
'Mrs Drummond, this is madness. I--I can make allowance for--for
excitement----'
'Be silent, sir,' cried Helen, in her fury. 'Who do you suppose cares
what you think? And how dare you open your mouth before me? It is I who
have a right to speak. And I wish there were a hundred to hear instead
of one. This man had absconded till he heard my husband was dead. Then
he came back and assumed innocence, and laid the blame on him who--could
not reply. I don't know who you are; but you are young, and you should
have a heart. There is not a liar in England--not a thing so vile as
this man. He has plundered the dead of his good name. Now go, sir. I
have said what I had to say.'
'Mrs Drummond, sometime you will have to answer--sometime you will
repent of this,' cried Golden, losing his presence of mind.
'I shall never repent it, not if you could kill me for it,' cried Helen.
'Go; you make the place you stand on vile. Take him away from my sight.
I have said what I had to say.'
Mr Golden made an effort to recover himself. He struck his young
companion on the shoulder with an attempt at jocularity.
'Come, Rivers,' he said, 'come along, we are dismissed. Don't you see we
are no longer wanted here?'
But the lad did not answer the appeal. He stayed behind with his eyes
still fixed upon Helen.
'Please, don't blame me,' he said. 'Tell me if I can do anything. I--did
not know----'
'Thank you,' she said faintly. Her excitement had failed her all at
once. She had put her arms round Norah, and was leaning upon her,
haggard and pale as if she were dying. 'Thank you,' she repeated, with a
motion of her hand towards the door.
The youth stole out with a sore heart. He stood for a moment irresolute
on the pavement. The cab was his and not Golden's; but that personage
had got into it, and was calling to him to follow.
'Thanks,' said young Rivers, with the impetuosity of his years. 'I
shall not trouble you. Go on pray. I prefer to walk.'
And he turned upon his heel, and went rapidly away. He was gone before
the other could realise it; and it was with feelings that it would be
impossible to describe, with a consciousness that seemed both bodily and
mental of having been beaten and wounded all over, with a singing in his
ears, and a bewildered sense of punishment, that Golden picked up the
reins and drove away. It was only a few sharp words from a woman's
tongue, a thing which a man must steel himself to bear when his
operations are of a kind which involve the ruin of families. But Helen
had given her blow far more skilfully, far more effectively, than she
was aware of. She had clutched at her first chance of striking, without
any calculation of results; and the youth she had appealed to in her
excitement might have been any nameless lad for what she knew. It was Mr
Golden's hard fate that he was not a nameless lad. He was Cyril Rivers,
Lord Rivers's eldest son. The manager drove on a little way, slowly, and
in great perturbation. And then he drew up the horse, and sprang to the
ground.
'You had better go home,' he said to the little groom.
And then, still with that sense of bodily suffering as well as mental,
he made his way through Kensington Gardens to the drive. He was a man of
fashion, too, as well as a man of business--if he ever could hold up his
head again.
Of course he did hold up his head, and in an hour after was ready to
have made very good fun of the 'scolding' he had received, and the
impression it had made on his young companion.
'I don't wonder,' he said; 'though her rage was all against me, I could
not help admiring her. You never can tell what a woman is till you see
her in a passion. She was splendid. Her friends ought to advise her to
go on the stage.'
'Why should she go on the stage?' said some one standing by.
'Because she is left a beggar. She has not a penny, I suppose.'
'It is lucky that you have suffered so little when so many people are
beggared, Golden,' said one of his fine friends.
This little winged shaft went right into the wound made by Helen's fiery
lance, and so far as sensation went (which was nothing) Mr Golden had
not a happy time that night.
As for Helen, she went in, prostrated by her own vehemence, and threw
herself down on her bed, and hid her face from the light. After the
first excitement was over shame seized upon her. She had descended from
her proper place. She had flown into this outburst of passion and rage
before her child. She had lowered herself in Norah's eyes, as she
thought--though the child would not take her arm from her neck, nor her
lips from her cheek, but clung to her sobbing, 'Oh, poor mamma! poor
mamma!' with sympathetic passion. All this fiery storm through which she
had passed had developed Norah. She had gained three or four years in a
day. At one bound, from the child who was a piece of still life in the
family, deeply beloved, but not needed, by the two who were each other's
companions, she had become, all at once, her mother's only stay, her
partizan, her supporter, her comrade-in-arms. It is impossible to
over-estimate the difference this makes in a child's, and especially in
a girl's, life. It made of her an independent, thinking, acting
creature, all in a moment. For years everything had been said before
her, under the supposition that Norah, absorbed in her book, heard
nothing. But she had heard a thousand things. She knew all now without
any need of explanation, as well as so young a mind could understand.
And she began to grope in her mind towards further knowledge, to put
things together which even her mother had not thought of.
'Do you know who the boy was, mamma?' she whispered, after she had sat a
long time on the bed, silently consoling the sufferer. 'Oh, I am so glad
you spoke, he will never forget it. Now one more knows it besides you
and me.'
'There are others who know, dear,' said Helen, who had still poor
Stephen's magazine in her hand.
'Yes,' said Norah, 'Dr Maurice and the people who wrote to the papers;
but, mamma, nobody like you and me. Whatever they say we know. I am
little, and I suppose I shall always be little; but that does not
matter. I shall soon be grown up, and able to help. And, mamma, this
shall be my work as well as yours--I shall never stop till it is
done--never, all my life!'
'Oh, my darling!' cried Helen, clasping her child in her arms. It was
not that she received the vow as the child meant it, or even desired
that in Norah's opening life there should be nothing of more importance
than this early self-devotion; but the sympathy was sweet to her beyond
describing, the more that the little creature, who had played and
chattered by her side, had suddenly become her friend. In the midst of
her sorrow and pain, and even of the prostration and sensitive visionary
shame with which this encounter had filled her, she had one sudden throb
of pleasure. She was not alone any more.
It was Helen who fell asleep that evening worn out with emotion, and
weariness, and suffering. And then Norah rose up softly, and made a
pilgrimage by herself all over the deserted house. She went through the
conservatory, where, of all the beautiful things poor Robert had loved
to see, there remained nothing but the moonlight which filled its
emptiness; and into the studio, where she sat down on the floor beside
the easel, and clasped her arms round it and cried. She was beginning to
weary of the atmosphere of grief, beginning to long for life and
sunshine, but yet she clung to the easel and indulged in one childish
passion of sobs and tears. 'Oh, papa!' That was all Norah said to
herself. But the recollection of all he had been, and of all that had
been done to him, surged over the child, and filled her with that sense
of the intolerable which afflicts the weak. She could not bear it, yet
she had to bear it; just as her mother, just as poor Haldane had to
bear--struggling vainly against a power greater than theirs,
acquiescing when life and strength ran low, sometimes for a moment
divinely consenting, accepting the will of God. But it is seldom that
even the experienced soul gets so far as that.
Next morning Mrs Drummond and her daughter went to Dura. Their arrival
at the station was very different from that of Mr Burton. No eager
porters rushed at them as they stepped out of the railway carriage; the
station-master moved to the other side; they landed, and were left on
the platform by themselves to count their boxes while the train swept
on. It was the first time it had ever happened so to Helen. Her husband
had always either been with her, or waiting for her, wherever she
travelled. And she was weary with yesterday's agitation, and with all
that had so lately happened. Norah came forward and took everything in
hand. It was she who spoke to the porter, and set the procession in
order.
'Cab? Bless you, miss! there ain't but one in the place, and it's gone
on a 'xcursion,' he said, 'but I'll get a wheelbarrow and take 'em down.
It ain't more than ten minutes' walk.'
'I know the way,' said Helen; and she took her child's hand and walked
on into the familiar place. She had not been there since her marriage;
but oh! how well she knew it! She put her crape veil over her face to
hide her from curious eyes; and it threw a black mist at the same time
over the cheerful village. It seemed to Helen as if she was walking in a
dream. She knew everything, every stone on the road, the names above the
shops, the forms of the trees. There was one great elm, lopsided, which
had lost a huge branch (how well she remembered!) by a thunderstorm when
she was a child; was it all a dream? Everything looked like a dream
except Norah; but Norah was real. As for the child, there was in her
heart a lively thrill of pleasure at sight of all this novelty which she
could not quite subdue. She had no veil of crape over her eyes, and the
red houses all lichened over, the glimpses of fields and trees, the
rural aspect of the road, the vision of the common in the distance, all
filled her with a suppressed delight. It was wrong, Norah knew; she
called herself back now and then and sighed, and asked herself how she
could be so devoid of feeling; but yet the reaction would come. She
began to talk in spite of herself.
'I think some one might have come to meet us at the station,' she said.
'Ned might have come. He is a boy, and can go anywhere. I am sure,
mamma, _we_ would have gone to make them feel a little at home. Where
is the Gatehouse? What is that place over there? Why there are shops--a
draper's and a confectioner's--and a library! I am very glad there is a
library. Mamma, I think I shall like it; is that the common far away
yonder? Do you remember any of the people? I should like to know some
girls if you will let me. There is little Clara, of course, who is my
cousin. Do you think we shall live here always, mamma?'
Norah did not ask nor, indeed, look for any answer to this string of
questions. She made a momentary pause of courtesy to leave room for a
reply, should any come; but Helen's thoughts were full of the past, and
as she made no answer Norah resumed the strain.
'It looks very cheerful here, mamma; though it is a village, it does not
look dull. I like the red tiles on the cottages and all this red-brick;
perhaps it is a little hot-looking now, but in winter it will be so
comfortable. Shall we be able to get our things here without going to
town? That seems quite a good shop. I wonder what Mrs Burton and Clara
do? But then they are so rich, and we are--poor. Shall I be able to have
any lessons, mamma? Can I go on with my music? I wonder if Clara has a
governess. She will think it very strange that you should teach me. But
I am very glad; I like you better than twenty governesses. Mamma, will
it make any difference between Clara and me, them being so rich and us
so poor?'
'Oh, Norah, I cannot tell you. Don't ask so many questions,' said Helen.
Norah was wounded; she did not give up her mother's hand, but she loosed
her hold of it to show her feelings. She had been very sympathetic, very
quiet, and respectful of the grief which in its intensity was beyond
her; and now she seemed to herself to have a right to a little sympathy
in return. She could understand but dimly what was in her mother's mind;
she did not know the associations of which Dura was full; and it was
hard to be thus stopped short in that spring of renovating life. As she
resigned herself to silence, a feeling of injury came over her; and
here, just before her eyes, suddenly appeared a picture of life so
different from hers. She saw a band of children gathered about the gate
of a house, which stood at a short distance from the road, surrounded by
shrubberies and distinguished by one great splendid cedar which
stretched its glorious branches over the high garden wall behind, and
made a point in the landscape. A lady was driving a little
pony-carriage through the open gate, while the children stood watching
and waving their hands to her. 'Good-bye, mamma,' 'Don't be long,' 'And
mind you bring back Clara with you,' they were calling to her. With a
wistful sense of envy Norah gazed and wondered who they were, and if she
should ever know them. 'Why are people so different?' she asked herself.
She had nobody in the world but her mother, lost behind that crape veil,
lost in her own thoughts, who told her not to ask questions, while those
other little girls had a smiling mamma in a pretty pony-carriage, who
was taking one to drive with her, and was to bring Clara back to see
them. Which Clara? Was it the Clara who belonged to Norah, her own
cousin, to whom she had a better right than any one? Norah's heart sank
as she realized this. No doubt Clara must have many friends; she could
not stand in need of Norah as Norah did of her. She would be a stranger,
an interloper, a new little girl whom nobody knew, whom nobody perhaps
would care to know. Tears came to the child's eyes. She had been a woman
last night rising to the height of the tragedy in which her little life
was involved; but now Nature had regained its sway, and she was only
twelve years old. It was while her mind was occupied with these
thoughts that her mother interrupted them, suddenly pressing her hand.
'Norah, this is our house, where we are to live,' said Helen. Her voice
faltered, she held the child's hand as if for support. And now they were
at their own door.
Norah gazed at it with a certain dismay. She, too, like Mr Haldane, had
her theory about a house in the country. It must be like Southlees, she
thought, though without the river; or perhaps, as they had grown poor,
it might be something a little better than the lodge at Southlees, a
little cottage; but she had never dreamed of anything like this tall
red-brick house which twinkled at her with all its windows. She was awed
and chilled, and a little frightened, as she crossed the road. Susan was
standing at the open door parleying with the porter about their boxes,
which she declined to admit till 'the family' came. The one fear which
possessed Susan's life, the fear of being 'put upon,' was strong in her
at this moment. But she set the balance straight for Norah, by making a
sudden curtsey, which tempted the child so sorely to laughter, that her
eyes began to shine and her heart to rise once more. She ran up the
white steps eagerly before her mother. 'Oh, mamma, I am first. I can
say welcome to you,' she said.
But the sight of the drawing-room, into which Susan ushered them,
solemnly closing the door after them, struck a moment's chill to Norah's
heart. It seemed so strange to be thus shut in, as if it was not their
own house but a prison. It was afternoon, and the sunshine had all gone
from that side of the road, and the graceful, old-fashioned room looked
dim and ghostly to eyes which had just come out of the light. The
windows all draped with brown and grey, the old-fashioned slim grand
piano in the corner ('I shall have my music,' said Norah), the black
japanned screen with its funny little pictures, the high carved
mantelpiece with that square mirror which nobody could see into, puzzled
the child, at once attracting and repelling her. There was another
round, convex mirror like a shield, on the side wall, but even that did
not enable Norah to see herself, it only made a little twinkling picture
of her in a vast perspective of drawing-room. Helen had seated herself
as soon as the door was shut, and there was she, too, in the picture
like a lady come to call. What a strange, dim, ghostly place it was! The
bumping of the boxes as they went up-stairs was a comfort to Norah. It
was a sound of life breaking the terrible silence. She asked herself
what would happen when it was over. Should they fall under some charm
and sleep there, like the enchanted princess, for a hundred years? And
to think that all this was within reach of that lady in the
pony-carriage, and of her children who waved their hands to her!--so
near, yet in a different world.
'Mayn't we go and see the house, mamma?' Norah whispered, standing close
to her mother's side. 'Shouldn't you like to see where we are to sleep?
Shouldn't you like to get out of this room? It frightens me so; it feels
like a prison. Oh, mamma! perhaps it would not look so strange--and
so--dull--and so--funny,' cried Norah, feeling disposed to cry, 'if you
would take your bonnet off.'
Just at this moment there was a sound in the road which stirred the
whole village into life, and roused Norah. She ran to the window to see
what it was. It was an event which happened every evening, which all the
children in Dura ran to see, though they were so familiar with it. It
was Mr Burton driving his high-stepping bays home from the station. He
had come by the express made on purpose for him and such as him, which
arrived half-an-hour later than the train by which the Drummonds had
come. Norah climbed up on her knees on a chair to see over the little
old-fashioned blinds. There was some one seated by Mr Burton in the
dog-cart, some one who looked at the Gatehouse, as Mr Burton did, while
they dashed past. At the sight of him Norah started, and from a little
fantastical child became a woman all at once again. It was the young man
who the day before had been with Mr Golden at St Mary's Road, he who had
heard her father's vindication, and had believed it, and 'was on our
side,' Norah felt, against all the world.