MR. TURNBULL "SETS HIS HOUSE IN ORDER"--MRS. T THINKS SUCH CONDUCT VERY
DISORDERLY--THE CAPTAIN AT HIS OLD TRICKS WITH HIS HARPOON--HE PAYS HIS
LADY'S DEBTS OF HONOUR, AND GIVES THE APPLICANT A QUITTANCE UNDER HIS
OWN FOOT--MONSIEUR AND MADAME TAGLIABUE WITHDRAW FROM THE SOCIETY OF
"CES BARBARES LES ANGLAIS."
It was on the Sunday after the picnic party, when, feeling I had
neglected Captain Turnbull, and that he would think it unkind of me not
to go near him, after having accompanied Mary to church, I set off on
foot to his villa near Brentford. I rang at the porter's lodge, and
asked whether he was at home.
"Yes, sir," replied the old woman at the lodge, who was very
communicative, and very friendly with me; "and missus be at home too."
I walked up the carriage-drive of one hundred yards, which led to the
entrance-door; and when I rang it was opened by a servant I had not seen
before as belonging to the establishment. "Where is Mr Turnbull?"
inquired I.
"He is in his own room, sir," replied the man; "but you must send up
your name, if you please, as every one is not admitted."
I must observe to the reader that I was not dressed in jacket and
trousers. The money I earned was more than sufficient to supply all my
expenses, and I had fitted on what are called at sea, and on the river,
_long togs_. I was dressed as most people are on shore. The servant
evidently took me for a gentleman; and perhaps, as far as dress went, I
was entitled to that distinction. Many people are received as such in
this world with less claims than I had. I gave my name; the man left me
at the door, and soon returned, requesting that I would follow him. I
must say that I was rather astonished; where were Mr Mortimer and the
two men in flaunting liveries, and long cotton epaulettes with things
like little marline-spikes hanging to the ends of them? Even the livery
was changed, being a plain brown coat, with light blue collar and cuffs.
I was, however, soon made acquainted with what had taken place on my
entering the apartment of Mr Turnbull--his study, as Mrs T called it,
although Mr Turnbull insisted upon calling it his cabin, a name
certainly more appropriate, as it contained but two small shelves of
books, the remainder of the space being filled up with favourite
harpoons, porpoise skulls, sharks' jaws, corals, several bears' skins,
brown and white, and one or two models of the vessels which had belonged
to his brother and himself, and which had been employed in the Greenland
fishery. It was, in fact, a sort of museum of all he had collected
during his voyages. Esquimaux implements, ornaments and dresses, were
lying about in corners; and skins of rare animals, killed by himself,
such as black foxes, etcetera, were scattered about the carpet. His
sea-chest, full of various articles, was also one of the ornaments of
the room, much to the annoyance of Mrs T, who had frequently exerted
her influence to get rid of it, but in vain. The only articles of
furniture were two sofas, a large table in the centre, and three or four
heavy chairs. The only attempt at adornment consisted in a dozen
coloured engravings, framed and glazed, of walrus shooting, etcetera,
taken from the folio works of Captains Cook and Mulgrave; and a sketch
or two by his brother, such as the state of the _William_ pressed by an
iceberg on the morning of the 25th of January, latitude ---, longitude
---.
Captain T was in his morning-gown, evidently not very well, at least he
appeared harassed and pale. "My dear Jacob, this is very kind of you.
I did mean to scold you for not coming before; but I'm too glad to see
you to find the heart now. But why have you kept away so long?"
"I have really been very well employed, sir. Stapleton has given me up
the wherry, and I could not neglect his interests, even if I did my
own."
"Always right, boy; and how are you getting on?"
"I am very happy, sir; very happy, indeed."
"I'm glad to hear it, Jacob; may you always be so. Now, take the other
sofa, and let us have a long palaver, as the Indians say. I have
something to tell you. I suppose you observed a change--heh?"
"Yes, sir; I observed that Mr Mortimer was not visible."
"Exactly. Mr Mortimer, or John Snobbs, the rascal, is at present in
Newgate for trial: and I mean to send him out on a voyage for the good
of his health. I caught the scoundrel at last, and I'll show him no
more mercy than I would to a shark that had taken the bait. But that's
not all. We have had a regular mutiny and attempt to take the ship from
me; but I have them all in irons, and ordered for punishment. Jacob,
money is but too often a curse, depend upon it."
"You'll not find many of your opinion, sir," replied I, laughing.
"Perhaps not; because those who have it are content with the importance
which it gives to them, and won't allow the damnable fact; and because
those who have it not are always sighing after it, as if it were the
only thing worth looking after in this world. But now, I will just tell
you what has happened since I last saw you, and then you shall judge."
As, however, Captain T's narrative ran to a length of nearly three
hours, I shall condense the matter for the information of the reader.
It appeared that Mrs T had continued to increase the lengths of her
drives in her carriage, the number of her acquaintances, and her
manifold expenses, until Mr T had remonstrated in very strong terms.
His remonstrances did not, however, meet with the attention which he had
expected; and he found out by accident, moreover, that the money with
which he had constantly supplied Mrs T, to defray her weekly bills, had
been otherwise appropriated; and that the bills for the two last
quarters had none of them been paid. This produced an altercation, and
a desire on his part to know in what manner these sums had been
disbursed. At first the only reply from Mrs T, who considered it
advisable to brazen it out, and, if possible, gain the ascendancy which
was necessary, was a contemptuous toss of her head, which undulated the
three yellow ostrich feathers in her bonnet, as she walked out of the
room and entered her carriage. This, to Mr T, who was a matter-of-fact
man, was not very satisfactory; he waited perforce until the carriage
returned, and then demanded an explicit answer. Mrs T assumed the
highest ground, talked about fashionable expenses, her knowledge of what
was due to his character, etcetera. Mr T rejoined about necessary
expenses, and that it was due to his character to pay his tradesmen's
bills. Mrs T then talked of good-breeding, best society, and her _many
plaisers_, as she termed them; Mr T did not know what _many pleasures_
meant in French; but he thought she had been indulged in as many as most
women since they had come down to this establishment. But to the
question: why were not the bills paid, and what had she done with the
money? Spent it in _pin money. Pin_ money! thirty pounds a-week in
_pins_! it would have bought harpoons enough for a three years' voyage.
She must tell the truth. She wouldn't tell anything, but called for her
salts, and called him a _brute_. At all events, he wouldn't be called a
_fool_. He gave her till the next morning to consider of it. The next
morning the bills were all sent in as requested, and amounted to six
hundred pounds. They were paid and receipted. "Now, Mrs T, will you
oblige me by letting me know what you have done with this six hundred
pounds?" Mrs T would not--she was not to be treated in that manner.
Mr T was not on board a whaler now, to bully and frighten as he
pleased. She would have justice done her. Have a separation, alimony,
and a divorce. She might have them all if she pleased, but she should
have no more money; that was certain. Then she would have a fit of
hysterics. So she did, and lay the whole of the day on the sofa,
expecting Mr T would pick her up. But the idea never came into Mr T's
head. He went to bed; and feeling restless, he rose very early, and saw
from his window a cart drive up to the wall, and the parties who came
with it leap over and enter the house, and return carrying to it two
large hampers. He snatched up one of his harpoons, walked out the other
way, and arrived at the cart just as the hampers had been put in, and
they were about to drive off; challenged them, and instead of being
answered, the horse was flogged, and he nearly run over. He then let
fly his harpoon into the horse, which dropped, and pitched out the two
men on their heads insensible; secured them, called to the lodge for
assistance, sent for constables, and gave them in charge. They proved
to be hampers forwarded by Mr Mortimer, who had been in the habit of so
doing for some time. These hampers contained his best wine, and various
other articles, which also proved that Mr Mortimer must have had false
keys. Leaving the culprits and property in charge of two constables,
Mr T returned to the house in company with the third constable; the
door was opened by Mr Mortimer, who followed him into his study, told
him he should leave the house directly, had always lived with
_gentlemen_ before, and requested that he might have what was due to
him. Mr T thought the request but reasonable, and therefore gave him
in charge of the constable. Mr Snobbs, rather confounded at such
ungentlemanly behaviour, was, with the others, marched off to Bow
Street. Mr T sends for the other two servants in livery, and assures
them that he has no longer any occasion for their services, having the
excessive vulgar idea that this peculation must have been known to them.
Pays them their wages, requests they will take off their liveries, and
leave the house. Both willing. _They_ also had always lived with
_gentlemen_ before. Mr T takes the key of the butler's pantry, that
the plate may not consider him too vulgar to remain in the house, and
then walks to the stables. Horses neigh, as if to say they are all
ready for their breakfasts; but the door locked. Hails the coachman, no
answer. Returning from the stables, perceives coachee, rather dusty,
coming in at the lodge gate; requests to know why he did not sleep at
home and take care of his horses. He was missus's coachman, not
master's, and could satisfy her, but could not satisfy Mr T; who paid
him his wages's and, deducting his liveries, sent him after the others.
Coachee also was very glad to go--had always lived with _gentlemen_
before. Meets the lady's maid, who tells him Mrs T is much too ill to
come down to breakfast. Rather fortunate, as there was no breakfast to
be had. Dresses himself, gets into a pair-horse coach, arrives at the
White Horse Cellar, swallows his breakfast, goes to Bow Street, commits
Mr Mortimer, _alias_ Snobbs, and his confederates for trial. Hires a
job-man to bring the horses up for sale, and leaves his carriage at the
coachmaker's. Obtains a temporary footman, and then Mr T returns to
his villa. A very good morning's work. Finds Mrs T up in the parlour,
very much surprised and shocked at his conduct--at no Mr Mortimer--at
no servants, and indebted to her own maid for a cup of tea. More
recriminations--more violence--another threat of alimony, and the
carriage ordered, that she may seek counsel. No coachman--no carriage--
no horses--no nothing, as her maid declares. Mrs T locks herself up in
her room, and another day is passed with as little matrimonial comfort
as can be expected.
In the meantime, the news flies in every direction. Brentford is full
of it. Mr T had been living too fast--is done up--had been had up at
Bow Street--creditors had poured in with bills--servants discharged--
carriage and horses seized. Mrs T, poor creature, in hysterics, and
nobody surprised at it; indeed, everybody expected it. The Peters of
Petercumb Hall heard it, and shook their heads at the many upstarts
there were in the world. Mr Smith requested the Right Honourable Lord
Viscount Babbleton never to mention to his father the Right Honourable
Marquis of Spring-guns, that he had ever been taken to see the Turnbulls
or that he, Mr Smith, would infallibly lose his situation in _esse_,
and his living in _posse_: and Monsieur and Madame Tagliabue were even
more astounded; but they felt deeply, and resolved to pay a visit the
next morning, at least Monsieur Tagliabue did, and Madame acknowledged
to the propriety of it.
The next morning some little order had been restored; the footman hired
had been given in charge of a sufficient quantity of plate, the rest had
been locked up. The cook was to stay her month; the housemaid had no
wish to leave; and as for the lady's maid, she would remain as long as
she could to console her poor mistress, and accept what she was inclined
to give her in return, in any way of clothes, dresses, etcetera,
although, of course, she could not hurt her character by remaining too
long in a family where there was no carriage, or gentlemen out of
livery. Still Mr T did obtain some breakfast, and had just finished
when Monsieur Tagliabue was announced, and was received.
"Ah! Monsieur T, I hope madame is better. Madame Tagliabue did nothing
but cry all last night when she heard the very bad news about de debt,
and all dat."
"Very much obliged to Madame," replied Turnbull, gruffly; "and now, pray
sir, what may be your pleasure?"
"Ah! Monsieur Turnbull, I feel very much for you; but suppose a
gentleman no lose his _honour_, what matter de money?" (Mr Turnbull
stared.) "You see, Monsieur Turnbull, honour be everything to a
gentleman. If a gentleman owe money to one rascally tradesfellow, and
not pay him, dat no great matter; but he always pay de debt of honour.
Every gentleman pay dat. Here, Monsieur Turnbull," (and the little
Frenchman pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket), "be a leetle
note of Madame Turnbull, which she gave to Madame Tagliabue, in which
she acknowledged she owe two hundred pounds for money lost at _ecarte_.
Dat you see, Monsieur Turnbull, be what gentlemen call debt of honour,
which every gentleman pay, or else he lose de character, and be called
one blackguard by all the world. Madame Tagliabue and I too much fond
of you and Madame Turnbull not to save your character, and so I come by
her wish to beg you to settle this leetle note--this _leetle_ debt of
_honour_;" and Monsieur Tagliabue laid the note on the table, with a
very polite bow.
Mr Turnbull examined the note; it was as described by Monsieur
Tagliabue. So, thought he, now the whole story's out; she has been
swindled out of her money by this rascally French couple. "Now,
Monsieur Tagliabue," said he, "allow me to put a question or two before
I pay this money; and if you answer me sincerely, I shall raise no
objection. I think Mrs T has already lost about six hundred pounds at
_ecarte_ before?" (Monsieur T, who presumed that Mrs Turnbull had made
him acquainted with the fact, answered in the affirmative.) "And I think
that two months ago she never knew what _ecarte_ was."
"Dat is true; but the ladies are very quick to learn."
"Well, but now, do you think that, as she knew nothing about the game,
and you and your wife are well acquainted with it, it was honourable on
your part to allow her to lose so much money!"
"Ah! Monsieur, when a lady say she will play _comment faire_, what can
you do?"
"But why did you never play at this house, Monsieur?"
"Ah! Monsieur Turnbull, it is for de lady of de house to propose de
game."
"Very true," replied Mr Turnbull, writing a cheque for the two hundred
pounds; "there is your money, Mr Tagliabue; and now that you are paid,
allow me to observe that I consider you and your wife a couple of
swindlers; and beg that you will never enter my doors again."
"Vat you say, sir! _Swind-lare_! God dam! Sar, I will have
satisfaction."
"You've got your money--is that sufficient, or do you want anything
else?" replied Mr T, rising from his chair.
"Yes, sar, I do want more--I will have more."
"So you shall, then," replied Mr Turnbull, kicking him out of the room
along the passage, and out of the front door.
Monsieur Tagliabue turned round every now and then, and threatened, and
then tried to escape, as he perceived the upraised boot of Mr Turnbull.
When fairly out of the house he turned round, "Monsieur Turnbull, I
will have de satisfaction, de terrible satisfaction, for this. You
shall pay. By God, sar, you shall pay--de money for this."
That evening Mr Turnbull was summoned to appear at Bow Street on the
following morning for the assault. He met Monsieur Tagliabue with his
lawyer, and acknowledged that he had kicked him out of his house for
swindling his wife, refused all accommodation, and was prepared with his
bail. Monsieur Tagliabue stormed and blustered, talked about his
acquaintance with the nobility; but the magistrate had seen too much of
foreigners to place much reliance on their asseverations. "Who are you,
monsieur?"
"Sar, I am a gentleman."
"What profession are you of, sir?"
"Sar, a gentleman has no profession."
"But how do you live, Monsieur Tagliabue?"
"As a gentleman always does, sar."
"You mentioned Lord Scrope just now as your particular friend, I think?"
"Yes, sar, me very intimate with Lord Scrope; me spend three months at
Scrope Castle with mi Lady Scrope; mi Lady Scrope very fond of Madame
Tagliabue."
"Very well, Monsieur Tagliabue; we must proceed with another case until
Mr Turnbull's bail arrives. Sit down for a little while, if you
please."
Another case was then heard, which lasted about half-an-hour; but
previous to hearing it, the magistrate, who knew that Lord Scrope was in
town, had despatched a runner with a note to his lordship, and the
answer was now brought back. The magistrate read it, and smiled; went
on with the other case, and when it was finished, said, "Now, M.
Tagliabue, you have said that you were intimate with Lord Scrope."
"Yes, sar, very intimate."
"Well, Lord Scrope I have the pleasure of knowing: and, as he is in
town, I wrote a note to him and here is his answer. I will read it."