"No, I dare say not, my boy; but recollect that you come an hour or two
before the dinner-hour, to help me; there's so much fuss with one thing
or another, that I'm left in the lurch; and as for trusting the keys of
the spirit-room to that long-togged rascal of a butler, I'll see him
harpoon'd first; so do you come and help me, Jacob."
This having been promised, he asked Mr Drummond to lend me for an hour
or so, as he wished to take a row up the river. This was also consented
to; we embarked and pulled away for Kew Bridge. Mr Turnbull was as
good a hand at a yarn as old Tom, and many were the adventures he
narrated to me of what had taken place during the vicissitudes of his
life, more especially when he was employed in the Greenland fishery. He
related an accident that morning, which particularly bore upon the
marvellous, although I do not believe that he was at all guilty of
indulging in a traveller's licence.
"Jacob," said he, "I recollect once when I was very near eaten alive by
foxes, and that in a very singular manner. I was then mate of a
Greenland ship. We had been on the fishing ground for three months, and
had twelve fish on board. Finding we were doing well, we fixed our
ice-anchors upon a very large iceberg, drifting up and down with it, and
taking fish as we fell in with them. One morning we had just cast loose
the carcass of a fish which we had cut up, when the man in the crow's
nest, on the look-out for another `fall,' cried out that a large polar
bear and her cub were swimming over to the iceberg, against the side of
which, and about half-a-mile from us, the carcass of a whale was
beating. As we had nothing to do, seven of us immediately started in
chase we had intended to have gone after the foxes, which had gathered
there also in hundreds, to prey upon the dead whale. It was then quite
calm: we soon came up with the bear, who at first was for making off;
but as the cub could not get on over the rough ice as well as the old
one, she at last turned round to bay. We shot the cub to make sure of
her, and it did make sure of the dam not leaving us till either she or
we perished in the conflict. I never shall forget her moaning over the
cub, as it lay bleeding on the ice, while we fired bullet after bullet
into her. At last she turned round, gave a roar and a gnashing snarl,
which you might have heard a mile, and, with her eyes flashing fire,
darted upon us. We received her in a body, all close together, with our
lances to her breast; but she was so large and strong, that she beat us
all back, and two of us fell; fortunately the others held their ground,
and as she was then on end, three bullets were put into her chest, which
brought her down. I never saw so large a beast in my life. I don't
wish to make her out larger than she really was, but I have seen many a
bullock at Smithfield which would not weigh two-thirds of her. After
that, we had some trouble in despatching her; and while we were so
employed, the wind blew up in gusts from the northward, and the snow
fell heavy. The men were for returning to the ship immediately, which
certainly was the wisest thing for us all to do; but I thought that the
snowstorm would blow over in a short time, and not wishing to lose so
fine a skin, resolved to remain and flay the beast; for I knew that if
left there a few hours, as the foxes could not get hold of the carcass
of the whale, which had not grounded, they would soon finish the bear
and the cub, and the skins be worth nothing. Well, the other men went
back to the ship, and as it was, the snow-storm came on so thick that
they lost their way, and would never have found her, if it was not that
the bell was kept tolling for a guide to them. I soon found that I had
done a very foolish thing; instead of the storm blowing over, the snow
came down thicker and thicker; and before I had taken a quarter of the
skin off, I was becoming cold and numbed, and then I was unable to
regain the ship, and with every prospect of being frozen to death before
the storm was over. At last, I knew what was my only chance. I had
flayed all the belly of the bear, but had not cut her open. I ripped
her up, tore out all her inside, and then contrived to get into her
body, where I lay, and, having closed up the entrance hole, was warm and
comfortable, for the animal heat had not yet been extinguished. This
manoeuvre, no doubt, saved my life: and I have heard that the French
soldiers did the same in their unfortunate Russian campaign, killing
their horses and getting inside to protect themselves from the dreadful
weather. Well, Jacob, I had not lain more than half-an-hour, when I
knew by sundry jerks and tugs at my newly invented hurricane-house that
the foxes were busy--and so they were sure, enough. There must have
been hundreds of them, for they were at work in all directions, and some
pushed their sharp noses into the opening where I had crept in; but I
contrived to get out my knife and saw their noses across whenever they
touched me, otherwise I should have been eaten up in a very short time.
There were so many of them, and they were so ravenous, that they soon
got through the bear's thick skin, and were tearing away at the flesh.
Now I was not so much afraid of their eating me, as I thought that if I
jumped up and discovered myself they would have all fled. No saying,
though; two or three hundred ravenous devils take courage when together;
but I was afraid that they would devour my covering from the weather,
and then I should perish with the cold; and I was also afraid of having
pieces nipped out of me, which would of course oblige me to quit my
retreat. At last daylight was made through the upper part of the
carcass, and I was only protected by the ribs of the animal, between
which every now and then their noses dived and nipped my sealskin
jacket. I was just thinking of shouting to frighten them away, when I
heard the report of half-a-dozen muskets, and some of the bullets struck
the carcass, but fortunately did not hit me. I immediately halloed as
loud as I could, and the men, hearing me, ceased firing. They had fired
at the foxes, little thinking that I was inside of the bear. I crawled
out; the storm was over, and the men of the ship had come back to look
for me. My brother, who was also a mate on board of the vessel, who had
not been with the first party, had joined them in the search, but with
little hopes of finding me alive. He hugged me in his arms, covered as
I was with blood, as soon as he saw me. He's dead now, poor fellow--
That's the story, Jacob."
"Thank you, sir," replied I; but perceiving that the memory of his
brother affected him, I did not speak again for a few minutes. We then
resumed our conversation, and pulling back with the tide, landed at the
wharf.
On the day of the dinner party I went up to Mr Turnbull's at three
o'clock as he had proposed. I found the house in a bustle; Mr and Mrs
Turnbull, with the butler and footman, in the dining-room, debating as
to the propriety of _this_ and _that_ being placed _here_ and _there_,
both servants giving their opinion, and arguing on a footing of
equality, contradicting and insisting, Mr Turnbull occasionally
throwing in a word, and each time snubbed by his wife, although the
servants dare not take any liberty with him. "Do, pray, Mr Turnbull,
leave _h_us to settle these matters. Get _h_up your wine; that is your
department. Leave the room, Mr Turnbull, _h_if you please. Mortimer
and I know what we are about, without your _h_interference."
"Oh! by the Lord, I don't wish to interfere; but I wish you and your
servants not to be squabbling, that's all. If they gave me half the
_cheek_--"
"Do, pray, Mr Turnbull, leave the room, and allow me to regulate my own
_'ouse_hold."
"Come, Jacob, we'll go down into the cellar," said Mr Turnbull; and
accordingly we went.
I assisted Mr Turnbull in his department as much as I could, but he
grumbled very much. "I can't bear all this nonsense, all this finery
and foolery. Everything comes up cold, everything is out of reach. The
table's so long, and so covered with uneatables, that my wife is hardly
within hail and, by jingo, with her the servants are masters. Not with
me, at all events; for if they spoke to me as they do to Mrs Turnbull,
I would kick them out of the house. However, Jacob, there's no help for
it. All one asks for is quiet; and I must put up with all this
sometimes, or I should have no quiet from one year's end to another.
When a woman will have her way, there's no stopping her: you know the
old verse--
"A man's a fool who strives by force or skill
To stem the torrent of a woman's will;
For if she will, she will, you may depend on't,
And if she won't, she won't--and there's an end on't.
"Now let's go up into my room, and we will chat while I wash my hands."
As soon as Mr Turnbull was dressed, we went down into the drawing-room,
which was crowded with tables loaded with every variety of ornamental
articles. "Now this is what my wife calls fashionable. One might as
well be steering through an ice-floe as try to come to an anchor here
without running foul of something. It's _hard-a-port_ or
_hard-a-starboard_ every minute; and if your coat-tail _jibes_, away
goes something, and whatever it is that smashes, Mrs T always swears it
was the _most valuable_ thing in the room. I'm like a bull in a
china-shop. One comfort is, that I never come in here except when
there's company. Indeed, I'm not allowed, thank God. Sit on a chair,
Jacob, one of those spider-like French things, for my wife won't allow
_blacks_, as she calls them, to come to an anchor upon her sky-blue silk
sofas. How stupid to have furniture that one's not to make use of!
Give me comfort but it appears that's not to be bought for money."