[Illustration: "Yes, Alfred, Retribution!"]
_A little narrow glen, with a slope in the background, belonging
to_ ALFRED. _Under the dripping trees a table and chairs, all made
of thin birchstaves. Everything is sodden with wet, and
mist-wreaths are driving about._ ALFRED FRÜYSECK, _dressed in a
black mackintosh, sits dejectedly on a chair. Presently_ MOPSA
BROVIK _comes down the slope cautiously behind, and touches his
shoulder_; ALFRED _jumps_.
_Mopsa._ You shouldn't really sit about on damp seats in such
miserable weather, ALFRED. I have been hunting for you everywhere.
[_Closing her umbrella with quiet significance._
_Alfred_ (_to himself_). Run to earth! Oh, Lor'! (_Aloud._) If you
would only be kind enough to search for MOPSËMAN instead! I _cannot_
unravel the mystery of his disappearance. There he was, just entering
upon conscious intelligence--full of the infinite possibilities of
performing poodlehood. I had charged myself with his education. After
having been an usher at so many boarding-schools, I felt peculiarly
fitted for such a task. And then a shady scoundrel has only to come
his way with rats in a bag----!
_Mopsa._ But we don't in the least know how it really all came about.
_Alfred._ That infernal VARMINT-BL[=O]K is at the bottom of it, you may
depend upon that! Though what motive in the world----(_Quivering._)
It's not as if MOPSËMAN would ever have faced a rat. He used to bolt
at the mere sight of a blackbeetle even. The whole thing is so utterly
meaningless, MOPSA. And yet, I suppose the order of the universe
requires it.
_Mopsa._ Have you indulged in these abstruse philosophical
speculations with SPRETA?
_Alfred_ (_shakes his head hopelessly_). She is so utterly incapable
of----(MOPSA _nods_.) I prefer discussing them with _you_. There is
something unnatural in imparting confidences to a mere wife. What on
earth have you got there?
_Mopsa_ (_takes a little housewife out of her pocket_). SPRETA said
you had lost the button off the back of your collar. I thought I would
sew it on for you. _May_ I? (_With quiet warmth._) I'll _try_ not to
run the needle into you.
_Alfred_ (_absently_). Do; it may distract my thoughts a little. Where
_is_ SPRETA, by the way?
_Mopsa._ Only taking a little walk with BLOCHDRÄHN. (_Sewing._)
Perhaps it is _hardly_ the weather for a stroll; but then he was
always so perfectly devoted to--h'm--to Little MOPSËMAN, you know.
_Alfred_ (_surprised_). But SPRETA wasn't. She never liked him--not
even as a puppy. And now tell me--don't you think you could take a
fancy to BLOCHDRÄHN--h'm?
_Mopsa._ Oh, no! Please! (_Covers her face with her hands._) You
mustn't really ask me why. (_Looks at him through her fingers._)
Because I _know_ I should tell you; you have such an irresistible
influence over me. Oh dear! oh dear! what _will_ you think of me?
(_Moves close up to him._) There's a button off your _shirt-front_
now!
_Alfred_ (_plaintively_). Am I to have _that_ one sewn on too?
_Mopsa._ Yes, it's the right thing to do. Though how SPRETA can _let_
you go about like this, I _can't_ think!
_Alfred_ (_with a half smile_). When I have _you_ to look after me.
This is quite like the dear old days!
_Mopsa._ Yes. (_Sewing._) I remember I mended all your things, like a
sister. Even then you never had _quite_ all your buttons, _had_ you,
dear?
_Alfred_ (_patting her hand_). Not even then. And do you remember how
you used to follow me about, just like a little dog? And I used to
call you "Little MOPSËMAN," because your name was MOPSA; and if I had
_had_ a dog, I should have called _him_ Little MOPSËMAN. And then how
you used to sit up and hold a biscuit on your nose, my dear faithful
MOPSA!
_Mopsa._ I wonder how you can be so childish! (_Smiling
involuntarily._) It _was_ a rich beautiful time; but it was all over
when you married. I hope you have never mentioned all that nonsense to
SPRETA?
_Alfred._ I _may_ have. One _does_ tell one's wife some
things--unintentionally. (_Clutching his forehead._) But oh, how _can_
I sit here and forget Little MOPSËMAN so completely? Have I _no_
heart?
_Mopsa._ If you have lost it, I think I know where it is. And you must
surely give your grief a rest occasionally, too.
_Alfred._ I mustn't. I won't. I _will_ think of him.... By the way,
are we to have dried fish for dinner _again?_... Oh, _there_ I go once
more--in the very middle of my agony--just when I want to be torturing
myself unspeakably with this gnawing crushing regret! What a
wonderfully realistic touch it is, though, eh? So dramatic! But after
all, I have _you_, MOPSA. I'm so glad of that!
_Mopsa_ (_looking earnestly at him_). Surely you mean dear SPRETA--not
_me_, ALFRED?
_Alfred._ What relation is a wife to her husband? None whatever. Now
you, MOPSA, _you_ are very nearly a second cousin once removed, not
quite--because our family is a thing so entirely apart. We have always
had vowels (the very _best_ vowels) for our initials, and the same
coloured spectacles, and poor relations we invariably cut, and great
thick works we never get really on with. You take after your mother,
KAIA.
_Mopsa._ And my Aunt--she that was a Miss REBECCA WEST. I feel so
irresistibly drawn to disturb other people's domestic harmony. But you
must really forget me, and try to care for poor SPRETA a little.
_Alfred_ (_vehemently_). It's no use. I _can't_. You've entranced me
so thoroughly. (_Helplessly._) I _knew_ you would! Do let me remain
here with you!
[_Seizes her hand._
_Mopsa_ (_looks warmly at him_). Of course, if you really mean _that_,
I cannot pretend that such comradeship is----Hush! let go my
hand--there's somebody coming!
[SPRETA _and_ BLOCHDRÄHN _enter in waterproofs, sharing the same
umbrella_.
_Alfred_ (_annoyed_). Why do you come bothering here? Surely you must
see that such an interruption is _most_ ill-timed.
_Spreta_ (_with a cutting laugh_). We did gather _that_, ALFRED. I
came to see what you were about.
_Alfred._ MOPSA was simply sympathising with me over Little MOPSËMAN'S
disappearance--that was all.
_Spreta._ Sympathising and philandering, ALFRED, are synonymous terms
in the Norwegian Drama. And I may be allowed to observe that _other_
people can philander if they're driven to it.
[_Glances at_ BLOCHDRÄHN.
_Mopsa_ (_taking her umbrella quickly, to_ BLOCHDRÄHN). We seem to be
somewhat _de trop_ here. Suppose we withdraw?
[_They do._
_Spreta._ Doesn't it strike you, ALFRED, that all this morbid harping
on that missing mongrel may be just a little monotonous--for a popular
audience, I mean?
_Alfred_ (_gloomily_). They'll have to sit through another Act and a
half of it--that's all. I shall harp if I choose. I _like_ harping.
And you always detested MOPSËMAN. You said he ate too much, and had
evil eyes.
_Spreta._ So he _did_--so he _had_! And _you_ never really and truly
loved him either, or you would never have made such a fool of the dog
as you did!
_Alfred._ I had renounced my wonderful thick book. I needed
_something_ to fill up my life!
_Spreta._ You might have chosen something better than a miserable
little poodle with no hair on his tail!
_Alfred_ (_turns pale_). It is you--_you_, who were the guilty one in
that. (_Harshly and coldly._) It was _your_ hand that spilt the hot
water over him as he lay comfortably on the hearthrug. It _was!_ And
you _know_ it!
_Spreta_ (_terrified, yet defiant_). Better own at once that you came
behind me and jogged my arm!
_Alfred_ (_in suppressed desperation_). Yes, that is true. You looked
so entrancingly beautiful as you were putting the kettle on for tea,
that I was irresistibly impelled to kiss you!
_Spreta_ (_exasperated_). ALFRED! This is intolerable of you. _Do_ I
deserve to be reproached for looking entrancingly beautiful?
_Alfred_ (_with sarcasm_). Not in the least--_now_. You are subject to
the Law of Change. But what does all that matter? We have _both_
sinned, if you like. While we had him, we both shrank in secret from
him--we could not bear to see the tail he dragged about after him!
_Spreta_ (_whispers_). You were so perpetually putting paraffin upon
it, ALFRED!
_Alfred_ (_calmer_). Yes, _that_. I tried to perfect its
possibilities. But it was no use--I could never, never make it good
again. And after that I dressed him up in military uniform, and then
he had to remain too much indoors, so, of course, he followed the
VARMINT-BL[=O]K, and then the street curs chevied him over the pier. And
after I had trained him so thoroughly to shoulder a musket, he was so
totally unable to swim. Oh, it all works out into quite a logical
Retribution. And I must go away into the solitudes and writhe with
remorse--by myself.
_Spreta_ (_bitingly_). Unless, of course, you can induce MOPSA to----I
think you mentioned once that she used to follow you about like a
little dog?
_Alfred_ (_in a hollow voice_). I did. I remember now. That time when
the tea-kettle----Retribution!
[_He staggers into the thinnest birchstave chair, which collapses
under him._
_Spreta_ (_menacingly standing over him_). Yes, ALFRED, Retribution!
[MOPSA _and_ BLOCHDRÄHN _return_.
_Mopsa_ (_pleasantly_). Well, my dear SPRETA, have you and dear ALFRED
talked things thoroughly out?
_Spreta._ Oh, yes; quite thoroughly enough, I really will _not_ be
left alone with ALFRED any more; he is _too_ depressing!
_Alfred_ (_on the ground_). One cannot be expected to rollick when one
is being gnawed with remorse! But perhaps BLOCHDRÄHN _would_ be a more
cheerful companion for you; go on with him, while MOPSA helps me up
again. We'll follow you--presently.
[SPRETA _and_ BLOCHDRÄHN _go off together;_ MOPSA _tenderly
assists_ ALFRED _to rise_.
_Mopsa._ Oh, dear me! it does seem _such_ a pity! But SPRETA always
_was_ peculiar. It must be so trying for _you_, dear!
_Alfred._ So much so that I can't stand her any longer. I _must_ get
away, anywhere--quite alone. MOPSA, will you come _too?_
_Mopsa_ (_shocked_). ALFRED! How _can_ you? What _have_ I said or done
to encourage such a proposal? So utterly unexpected!
_Alfred_ (_feebly_). I really couldn't help it. It's the troll inside
me. What am I saying? That belongs to another Norwegian drama!
_Mopsa._ All this part belongs to _several_ other Norwegian dramas,
dear. But we must see if we can't get out of the old groove _this_
time!
_Alfred._ But why in the world----? When you showed such a wonderful
preference for my society, too!
_Mopsa_ (_gently_). I know, dear. But that was before----. Let me tell
you something. (_Slow music;_ ALFRED _sits down, cautiously_.) I've
just been looking through my big portfolio, and I've discovered--what
_do_ you think? (ALFRED _shakes his head hopelessly_.) I'm not KAIA'S
daughter at all, really. I'm only adopted!
_Alfred._ But what difference does that make in _our_ relations?
Practically, none whatever!
_Mopsa._ _All_ the difference, ALFRED. I always pursued you about with
reluctance and under protest. Being, as I supposed, descended from
KAIA FOSLI, and related to REBECCA WEST, it seemed so utterly the
right thing to do. But I know _now_ that I am nothing of the sort, and
that if my real mother ever possessed such a thing as a Past at all,
it was Plu-perfect. So heredity doesn't come in, and, rather than
interfere between you and poor dear SPRETA, I have decided to go right
away and never see you again. I really _mean_ it, _this_ time!
[_She opens her umbrella and runs off up the slope._
_Alfred_ (_takes up his hat sadly_). Isn't this play going to end
pessimistically after all, then? (_Shudders._) Are we actually going
to be--moral? (_More hopefully._) After all, there's another Act left.
There's a chance still!
[_He follows hastily after_ MOPSA.
* * * * *
MOTTO FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THE FRENCH REPUBLIC.--"Faure-warned,
Faure-armed."
* * * * *
[Illustration: TOO MUCH.
(_Pity the Sorrows of a poor Hunting Man!_)
_Sportsman_ (_suffering from intense aberration of mind in consequence
of the Weather, in reply to Wife of his bosom_). "PUT OUT? WHY, O'
COURSE I'M PUT OUT. BEEN JUST THROUGH THE VILLAGE, AND HANG ME IF AT
LEAST HALF A DOZEN FOOLS HAVEN'T TOLD ME THAT IT'S NICE SEASONABLE
WEATHER!"]
* * * * *