CLOSER THAN A BROTHER
It was a bad, rainy day. Jimmy and Billy were playing in Sarah Jane's
cabin, she, however, being in happy ignorance of the fact. Her large
stays, worn to the preaching the night before, were hanging on the back
of a chair. “Ain't I glad I don' have to wear no corset when I puts on
long pants?” remarked Billy, pointing to the article. “Ain't that a big
one? It's twice's big's Aunt Minerva's.”
“My mama wears a big co'set, too,” said Jimmy; “I like fat womans
'nother sight better 'n lean ones. Miss Minerva's 'bout the skinniest
woman they is; when I get married I'm going to pick me out the fattest
wife I can find, so when you set in her lap at night for her to rock you
to sleep you'll have a soft place to put your head, while she sings to
you.”
“The Major--he's mos' plump enough for two,” said Billy, taking down the
stays and trying to hook them around him.
“It sho' is big,” he said; “I berlieve it's big 'nough to go 'round both
of us.”
“Le's see if 'tain't,” was the other boy's ready suggestion.
He stood behind Billy and they put the stays around both little bodies,
while, with much squeezing and giggling, Billy hooked them safely up
the front. The boys got in front of Sarah Jane's one looking-glass and
danced about laughing with glee.
“We're like the twinses what was growed together like mama read me
'bout,” declared the younger child.
Presently they began to feel uncomfortable, especially Jimmy, whose fat,
round little middle was tightly compressed.
“Here, unhook this thing, Billy, and le's take her off,” he said. “I'm
'bout to pop open.”
“All right,” agreed his companion.
He tugged and pulled, but could get only the top and bottom hooks
unclasped; the middle ones refused to budge.
“I can't get these-here hooks to come loose,” Billy said.
Jimmy put his short, fat arms around him and tried his hand, but with
no better success. The stays were such a snug fit that the hooks seemed
glued.
“We sho' is in a fix,” said Billy gloomily; “look like God all time
lettin' us git in trouble.”
“You think of more fool stunts to do, William Hill, than any boy they
is,” cried the other; “you all time want to get us hooked up in Sarah
Jane's corset and you all time can't get nobody loose. What you want to
get us hooked up in this thing for?”
“You done it yo'self,” defended the boy in front with rising passion.
“Squeeze in, Jimmy; we jes' boun' to git outer this 'fore somebody finds
it out.”
He backed the other child close to the wall and pressed so hard against
him that Jimmy screamed aloud and began to pound him on the head with
his chubby fists.
Billy would not submit tamely to any such treatment. He reached his hand
behind him and gave the smaller boy's cheek a merciless pinch. The fight
was on. The two little boys, laced up tightly as they were in a stout
pair of stays, pinched and scratched, and kicked and jerked. Suddenly
Billy, leaning heavily against Jimmy, threw him flat on his back and
fell on top of him.
Bennie Dick, sitting on the floor, had up to this time watched the
proceedings with an interested eye; now, thinking murder was being
committed, he opened his big, red mouth and emitted a howl that could be
heard half a mile. It immediately brought his mother to the open door.
When she saw the children squirming on the floor in her only corset, her
indignation knew no bounds.
“You, Jimmy Garner, an' you, too, William Hill, yuh little imps o'
Satan, what you doin' in my house? didn't yo' mammy tell you not to
tamper wid me no mo'? Git up an' come here an' lemme git my co'set off
o' yuh.”
Angry as she was she could not keep from laughing at the sight they
presented, as, with no gentle hand, she unclasped the hooks and released
their imprisoned bodies.
“Billy all time--” began Jimmy.
“Billy all time nothin,” said Sarah Jane, “'tain't no use fo' to try to
lay dis-here co'set business onto Billy; both o' yuh is ekally in it.
An' me a-aimin' fo' to go to three fun'els dis week an' a baptizin'
on Sunday. S'pose y' all'd bruck one o' de splints, how'd I look
a-presidin' at a fun'el 'thout nare co'set on, an' me shape' like what I
is?”
“Who's dead, Sarah Jane?” asked Jimmy, hoping to stem the torrent of her
wrath.
“Sis' Mary Ellen's las' husban', Brudder Littlejohn--dat 's a-who,” she
replied, somewhat mollified at his interest.
“When did he die?”--Jimmy pursued his advantage.
“He got 'way f'om here 'bout moon-down las' night,” she replied, losing
sight of her grievance in his flattering interrogations. “You know Sis'
Littlejohn, she been married goin' on five times. Dis-here'll make fo'
gentlemans she done buriet an' dey ain't nobody can manage a fun'el like
she kin; 'pears like hit jes' come natchel to her. She sho' is done a
good part by eb'ry single husban' too, an' she's figgerin' to outdo all
the yuthers wid Brudder Littlejohn's co'pse.” Sarah Jane almost forgot
her little audience in her intense absorption of her subject. “She say
to me dis mornin', she say, 'Marri'ge am a lott'ry, Sis Beddinfiel', but
I sho' is drawed some han'some prizes. 'She got 'em all laid out side
by side in de buryin' groun' wid er little imige on ebry grabe; an', 'Sis
Mary Ellen, seein' as she can't read de writin' on de tombstones, she
got a diff'unt little animal asettin' on eb'ry head res' so's she kin
tell which husban' am which. Her fus' husban' were all time ahuntin', so
she got a little white marble pa'tridge arestin' on he' head, an' hit am
a mighty consolement to a po' widda 'oman fo' to know dat she can tell
de very minute her eyes light on er grabe which husban' hit am. Her
secon' man he got er mighty kinky, woolly head an' he mighty meek, so
she got a little white lamb a-settin' on he grabe; an' de nex husban' he
didn't have nothin' much fo' to disgueese him f'om de res' 'cep'in' he
so slow an' she might nigh rack her brain off, twell she happen to think
'bout him bein' a Hardshell Baptis' an' so powerful slow, so she jest
got a little tarrapim an' sot it on him. Hit sho' am a pretty sight jes'
to go in dat buryin' groun' an' look at 'em all, side by side; an' now
she got Brudder Littlejohn to add to de res'. He de onliest one what's
got er patch o' whiskers so she gwine to put a little white cat on he'
grabe. Yes, Lord, ef anythink could pearten' a widda 'oman hit would be
jes' to know dat yuh could go to de grabeyard any time yuh want to an'
look at dat han'some c'llection an' tell 'zactly which am which.”
Sarah Jane stopped for breath and Billy hastened to inquire,
“Who else is dead, Sarah Jane?”
“'Tain't nobody else dead, yit, as I knows on, but my two cousins is
turrible low; one's got a hemrage on de lung an' de yuther's got a
congestin' on de brain, an' I 'lows dey'll bofe drap off 'twix' now an'
sun-up to-morra.” Her eyes rolled around and happened to light on her
corset. She at once returned to her grievance.
“An' sposin' I hadn't 'av' came in here when I did? I'd 'a' had to went
to my own cousins' fun'el 'thout nare co'set. Y' all gotta go right to
y' all's mamas an' Miss Minerva dis very minute. I low dey'll settle yo'
hashes. Don't y' all know dat Larroes ketch meddlers?”