_House of Commons, Monday, May 20._--JAMES GALLOWAY WEIR is a sore man
the night. Ross and Cromarty hide their diminished head--or should it
be heads?--before the illuminated mountain tops of Inverness-shire.
THE MACGREGOR has done him at last, done him hopelessly. Since the
present Parliament met, he and THE MACGREGOR have run pretty evenly,
neck and neck in race to show what Scotland can do in this way when
it concentrates its mighty mind on the effort. In former times Ireland
had monopoly of the Crank as he was returned to Parliament. Scotch
Members preserved traditional reputation of their country as the
home of dour-headed businesslike men. WEIR standing alone would have
sufficed to tear this fable to tatters. THE MACGREGOR unaided
would have confounded the tradition. The combination of talent was
irresistible, overpowering in its force of conviction.
Between these eminent men there has been, from the first, a feeling
of generous rivalry. THE MACGREGOR, as befitted the riper genius, has
been more successful in concealing it. Whenever he has put a question
about the Crofters, WEIR has managed to drop in with supplementary
inquiry. His name appearing in the report, watchful Scotia would take
note that THE MACGREGOR was not the only one of her sons who, in a
foreign land, cared for her interests. THE MACGREGOR, on the contrary,
not less loftily because without apparent design, ignored WEIR.
There is reason to believe he did not regard with fullest measure of
appreciation his intellectual capacity, his business aptitude, or his
parliamentary manner.
"A puir creature!" he said, one night, staring straight up at the
gaslit roof. There was no one up there at the moment, and as this
happened to be the night when WEIR had eleven questions on the paper,
by way of showing his want of confidence in the Government, and was
approaching the ninth with ever deepening chest notes, there is too
much reason to fear that at that moment the Member for Inverness-shire
was not unconscious of the existence of the Member for Ross and
Cromarty.
JAMES GALLOWAY'S boot-issuing and blood-curdling tones; his tragic
reiteration of the phrase, "Is the right hon. gentleman a Weir?" The
solemn sweep of his arm as he places the reluctant _pince-nez_ on
his disputatious nose; his stare of haughty surprise when Lowlanders
opposite titter at his inquiry about the lost handle of the parish
pump in outraged Pitlochrie; his habit of turning up at unexpected
places on either side of the House below the Gangway--these things
are unique in their way. In the aggregate they would, save for THE
MACGREGOR, have placed him on an unapproachable pinnacle. After
to-night he will reign alone. The other King of the Bedlam Brentford
has abdicated. But evermore there will rest over JAMES GALLOWAY the
chill shadow of the mighty triumph with which his rival closed his
public career.
Nothing in the parliamentary life of THE MACGREGOR became him so well
as its quittance. The artful way in which he led the SQUIRE OF MALWOOD
up to confession of intent with respect to the Crofters Bill; the
SQUIRE'S humble plea to wait till Thursday; the MACGREGOR'S stern
response, "That is not good enough for me;" then his swinging march
down the Gangway (almost you could hear the pibroch playing); his halt
before the Mace; his stately bow to the SPEAKER; the march resumed;
the fresh halt at the Bar; another sweeping obeisance (again fancy
feigned the faint sound of the distant pibroch), and the MACGREGOR was
o'er the border, and awa'.
"A puir daft body," said JAMES GALLOWAY WEIR, his musing sight, by
strange coincidence, also fixed on the ceiling.
_Business done._--THE MACGREGOR shakes the dust of the House of
Commons from off his feet. In disordered state of things that
followed, paralysed Government escaped defeat in Committee on Welsh
Disestablishment Bill by narrow majority of nine.
_Tuesday._--Surely never was such a place in the world as House of
Commons for bifurcations. Within memory of man there was a time
when, of two sides of the political highway, Liberals trod one,
Conservatives paced the other. Now House is broken up into half a
dozen parties, each with its infinitude of sections. Most depressing
and disappointing development of this tendency appears to-night. The
Eldest-Son Party is just bereft of one of its most active members by
WOLMER'S accession to Earldom. General GEORGE CURZON, whose forces,
on full muster, counted two, is now reduced, on Queen's Birthdays and
other State occasions, to reviewing ST. JOHN BRODRICK, _seul._ Force
of habit still strong, and, when speaking to-night, he made House
acquainted with the views on constitutional question which "I and my
friends hold."
[Illustration: THE MACGREGOR RETIRES TO HIS CAVE.
_Mr. W-r._ "Mon, if I hadna thocht he was jokin', I wad ha' gone
mysel',--to be even wi' 'im!"]
It may be singular, but so is the number of the friends. CRANBORNE, in
one of his fiery speeches, made it clear just now that the Eldest
Sons are divided on the question which General GEORGE CURZON,
Quartermaster-General ST. JOHN BRODRICK, and the late Army (now gone
to another place) made their own. This defection from within not made
up by sustentation from without. JOSEPH, having got a little mixed
between what he said on Coleridge peerage case, and the exact reverse
put forward by him with equal confidence on the Selborne case,
judiciously absented himself to-night. COURTNEY also absent. PRINCE
ARTHUR sat ominously silent on Front Bench, whilst DICK WEBSTER backed
up SQUIRE OF MALWOOD in denouncing position assumed by General GEORGE
and Quartermaster-General ST. JOHN. As for the Army, multitudinously
alluded to as "the Hon. WILLIAM WALDEGRAVE PALMER, commonly called
Viscount WOLMER, now Earl of SELBORNE," it was withdrawn, interned as
garrisons are at particular crises of civic life. House gladly ordered
issue of new writ for West Edinburgh. Constitution remains unreformed,
and WILLIAM WALDEGRAVE--to quote with slight variation from the
appropriate source of tombstone literature--
Called hence by early doom,
Lives but to show how sweet an Earl
In House of Lords may bloom.
_Business done._--Clause III. added to Welsh Disestablishment Bill.
_Thursday._--The Bashful BARTLEY, temporarily overcoming a
constitutional weakness that is the despair of his friends, and has
proved a serious block in the way of his public advancement, put
himself forward just now. Is disturbed by dalliance of Lord BRASSEY,
sometime ago appointed Governor of Victoria. BARTLEY has conviction
that if, in good time coming, his party should acknowledge faithful
service by appointing him to Governorship, he would lose no time in
entering upon his new sphere of usefulness. That course Lord BRASSEY
might be expected to follow. "Instead of which, he goes about the
country--stealing ducks," BARTLEY, impelled by swing of the quotation,
was about to add. Pulling himself up in time, he added, "making party
political speeches in favour of candidates at elections."
SYDNEY BUXTON, in his most Severe-Young-Man-manner, informed the not
quite Blameless BARTLEY that BRASSEY not yet set out to undertake
Governorship of Victoria because he is not yet Governor. HOPETOUN'S
term does not expire till September, and unless it were desired to run
the risk of a sort of colonial _Box and Cox_ scene, it would be well
he should await the due date of his succession.
BARTLEY blushed, said nothing--at least, not aloud. To himself
muttered, "They may say what they like; but, after all, bashfulness is
the best policy."
The TIRESOME TOMLINSON so affected by this repulse of an esteemed
friend and neighbour that when, later in sitting, BARTLEY, forgetting
his pious resolve, moved amendment to Budget Bill exempting a wife's
revenues from income-tax, T. T., rushing out to support him in
division lobby, lost the way. When he arrived at lobby door, found it
locked. Rattled at handle; kicked panel. For only reply came whisper
through keyhole, in voice he recognised as TOMMY BOWLES': "Too late.
Go away, you foolish virgin."
"Bad enough," said T. T., "to lose chance of voting against the
Government. But why TOMMY BOWLES should call me a foolish virgin, I
don't know. Do I look like one?"
_Business done._--Scotch Grand Committee set up. Opposition
straightway go and gather sticks wherewith to knock it down.
_Friday._--Came across little group in lobby just now steeped in
brackish waters of tribulation. Only three of them, but they seemed to
have all the trouble of the world divided amongst them.
"What's the matter?" I asked. "Been listening to two hours' debate on
Budget Bill in Committee?"
"Worse than that," said HART DYKE. "Haven't you heard? CARMARTHEN,
riding out on his bicycle, came by sudden turn on steam-roller.
Bicycle shied; pitched DOLLY off."
"Poor DOLLY!" said JOHN PENN, mopping his eye with a J pen-wiper. "He
fell on his head."
HART DYKE and MARK LOCKWOOD (together)--"Oh, then he's not hurt."
Sudden brightening of faces as load of apprehension removed from mind;
walked off quite cheerfully.
Gracious, kind-hearted comrades! So pleasant, amid turmoil of
political warfare, to come upon idyllic scene like this, and learn how
sweet a thing is friendship.
_Business done._--Budget Bill through Committee.
[Illustration: "NOT FOR JO-ACHIM!"
["The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER said that the right hon. member for
St. George's had referred to the fact that this was leap year, and
they all knew that in leap year proposals could be made that would be
considered rather extraordinary in ordinary times. (_Laughter._) To
accept the right hon. gentleman's proposal would not be consistent
with his duty."--_Times._]]
* * * * *
Transcriber's Note:
Sundry missing or damaged puctuation has been repaired.
This book contains dialect, some deliberately fractured English words,
and the occasional French word. All have been retained; it's Punch!