(_Some Yildiz Comments on a Recent Editorial Exploit._)
_Mashallah!_ Am I, the Full Moon That Blazeth in Heaven Like Anything,
to be bested by a Penny Journalist, a Feringhee Writer of the Thing
that is Not, a Gazetteer who is Ac-cust? Shall I, the Padishah Whose
Piano-playing Edifieth the Distant Constellations, submit to be
out-man[oe]uvred in my own particular line by an Unbelieving Dog, a
Giaour of Giaours? What though he be Lord of Lo Ben and of a Hundred
Press-carts, he shall learn that a Concocter of Copy is no match for
The Unspeakable One! _Inshallah!..._ What ho! Summon the Grand Vizier,
and let the Chief Bowstringer be in attendance! Bring in the medicated
coffee for one, and _rahat lakoum_ for two!...
What saith the dog of a dragoman? The Infidel Frank refuseth the mark
of My very distinguished Favour, the Medjidieh of the Fourth Class?
Will not _that_ stop his accursed inquisitiveness? Or doth he wish for
an Osmanieh, set in brilliants? Ingleez though he be, he must have his
price!... No? He will _not_ take an Osmanieh, not even of the First
Class!!
Ah, perhaps he will _give_, if he will not take? Times are hard, and
there is that Russian indemnity. Nay, it need but take the form of an
Irredeemable _Loan_, or a Mortgage on the flourishing revenues of
Our most prosperous province of Arabia Felix. We sorely need a new
ironclad or two, for Our boilers are rusting badly, and Our keels are
rotting beyond repair at their anchorage in the Bosphorus....
_What!?_ The alien unbeliever neither giveth nor taketh? And doth
not care one "snuff" (whatever that may mean) whether his telegram to
Europe in general, and the _P-ll M-ll G-z-tte_ in particular, goeth
or not? Verily, he knoweth not the rules of Oriental diplomacy. But
though the telegram shall not go, if we know it, the Sublime Porte
shall yet give the quill-driving outcast a lesson in shilly-shally and
hanky-panky. He shall know that the Commander of the Faithful is not
to be called an impotent Potentate (with a big P) in vain. We will sit
up all night, pretending to re-draft his telegram, and really
enjoying his discomfiture! "Impotent Potentate," indeed! Let the chief
telegraph-clerk be beheaded on the spot!...
* * * * *
"WHEEL AND WOE."--"A Word of Warning" to women bicyclists appeared
in the _St. James's Gazette_ last Friday, by "A Medical Man." Quite
right. This Round of Wheel is overdone. Instead of "Wheel," the Medico
cries "Woa!"
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