Lent dragged or slipped or scurried along according to the varying
tempers of those that watched it go; of late years the speed of its
passage has increased noticeably, it seems to me; successive Lents
shove one another off the stage with an alarming celerity. But most of
us voted it dismally slow in those days. A church entertainment was
given, in which Mrs. Pallinder figured in tableaux as _Ruth_, with
white draperies, her hair bound up with fillets, and a sheaf of wheat
(it was really pampas grass) in her beautiful bare white arms. She
looked, undoubtedly, as much like _Ruth_ as she had like _Astarte_;
that is to say, not at all. But people were unfeignedly delighted
this time, and not without reason; the curtain had to be rung up
repeatedly on "Ruth and Boaz." I thought, to be truthful, that her
features seemed hard and sharp in the strong calcium-light; perhaps she
was a little too old to impersonate a character like Ruth. But Teddy
Johns assured me vehemently that she was ideal. "Beau'ful creature,
Mis' Pallinder--_hic_--s'prisin'--Ruth--'Starte--Greek Slave--no,
no, didn't mean that, of course--_hic_--Greek statue--always doin'
somethin'--Pallinders, somethin' new, all time!" he said, meeting me
in the passageway of Trinity Parish House, where the entertainment
was given. I do not know where he had been; it is generally difficult
to draw young men to church-tableaux, and there were not many there.
Teddy had an air of surprise at finding himself in the audience; his
face was very much flushed, he laughed loud and inappropriately; and
Judge Lewis came with a grave face, and took him by the arm and pulled
him away, muttering some apology to me. Judge Lewis was a vestryman; I
saw him talking to some of the others afterwards, and their grey heads
wagged solemnly; the judge could not have been telling one of those
humorous anecdotes for which he was so celebrated.
It was not long after this that Mazie at last came home; and she lived
up to the reputation that Teddy had given the Pallinders of always
doing something new. Doctor Vardaman assured her gallantly that she was
like the angel that came down and stirred up the Pool of Bethesda--"we
were all stagnating," said the old gentleman, in his kind mock-serious
manner; and Mazie smiled and lifted her eyes at him, without, I dare
say, understanding in the least where or what the Pool of Bethesda was.
She brought with her Miss Muriel Ponsonby-Baxter; and, following upon
their arrival, Mrs. Pallinder collected her house party. Most of the
young people she asked caught eagerly at the invitation; you may laugh,
or perhaps jeer, but house parties were not then the affair of everyday
occurrence they have since become--not in our corner of the world,
certainly. We all felt, delightedly, as if we were living in an English
novel--one of "The Duchess'" for choice.
"You know we're going to have private theatricals in the ballroom,"
Mazie told everybody. "The girls and men in the house will all be in
it, so we can have rehearsals any time. And papa is going to have a
stage built with footlights and a curtain. We'll ask everyone, of
course, and dance afterwards. I bought the favours for the german in
New York coming home, you know. They're simply too sweet for any use."
("I baought the favuhs foh the juhman in New Yawhk, yuh knaow. Theah
simply too sweet foh any use," was the way she said it, but I shall
not attempt to reproduce Mazie's speech. It had a kind of drawling
vivacity; and the final sentence was in the slang of the day--very
fresh and spirited it sounded then, too!)
Mazie Pallinder was not a pretty girl; she was too tall and lank;
and, except when she got her cheeks touched up, too pallid with
her ink-black hair. But she had a certain air of lazy distinction,
helped out by a real talent for dressing herself, and an unlimited
purse--maybe an unlimited indifference to bills and tradesmen would be
a better way of putting it.
"The first thing on the programme is to be 'William Tell,'" she said.
"That's to have just men in it, you know. I think it's always best to
have a lot more men than girls, and make them stand around. That's the
way it is in the South, New Orleans, or Charleston, or anywhere I've
ever been. You see them lined up all around the room waiting a chance,
at dances, you know. All the girls have to split every waltz."
Bewildering dream of bliss! Somebody, recovering from the
contemplation, wanted to know what "William Tell" would be like with
only men in it?
"Oh, I've talked that all over with J. B." said Mazie. "It was his
suggestion, you know. They gave it at college, his senior year, and, of
course, all the parts were done by men. He said it was simply great.
It's a take-off of the real 'William Tell.' What do you think? Doctor
Vardaman asked if it was the real 'Tell,' and he said there was a
beautiful _adagio_ for the horn in the overture! I simply screamed--I
laughed till I nearly fell over. You see the funny thing is there _is_
a horn--but it's a dinner horn! Archie Lewis comes on with it when he
sings his topical song. Archie's to be 'Tell,' you know. He's got a hit
on everyone in town--they'll all be here in the audience, of course. It
begins:
"'I'm a horny--horny--horny-handed
SON OF TOIL!
From Maine to California
You couldn't find a hornier,
And--and--I'm----
I can't remember the rest of it. He and J. B. wrote the verses--it's
awfully funny, don't you think, Muriel? We've seen them go over parts
of it."
"Yes," said Muriel tepidly. We all looked at her with some curiosity;
lying back in one of Mazie's profuse rocking-chairs, she seemed very
large by contrast with the rest of us. She had long round arms, long
sloping thighs, long hands and feet, a great deal bigger than any of
ours, but well-shaped, in so just a proportion one hardly noticed
their size. I think I never saw so beautiful a woman. Beside her large
classic calm, we were as a tribe of little gesticulating marionettes.
She listened to our facile laughter, our high, excited voices, with
a grave and rather wondering tolerance; no one ever saw _her_ laugh.
We decided it was a pose with her, thinking she was conscious, very
likely, that outright mirth or any other visible emotion would somehow
become her ill. You cannot imagine the Bartholdi Liberty laughing. Such
regularity of features, such steadfast, intrepid eyes had Muriel; and
so did she oppose to passing people and events, silence and an unmoved
brow. I give the idea that she was dull; it was not so. She thought as
much and as much to the point as any of us; she only lacked our fevered
sprightliness.
Mazie went on expounding: "Teddy Johns is to be Mrs. Gessler, and
Gwynne Peters is Mrs. Tell, or Matilda, I forget which, and J. B.'s
young 'Tell.' In the play his name's _Jemmy_, of all things I do think
that's the funniest--Jemmy! J. B. said when they found that in the
libretto, they said it would be a shame to change it. I believe in the
original opera, a girl always sings the part. J. B.'s all the time
wanting someone to hear him speak his piece, or give him a drink of
water--things like that, you know, as if he were about four years old.
And he gets lost and says to the policeman that he's Jemmy Tell--I
don't know why you want to laugh, but it's so silly you can't help
it. He must be six-feet-two if he's an inch, and he's going to wear a
little white piqué kilt to his knees with a sash and short socks and
ankle-ties, and a red apple fastened on his head kind of skew-wow over
one ear, with an elastic under his chin. Simply too funny for any use!"
"I don't see how he can do it," said Muriel. "Fancy! A kilt! I think
it's horrid!" She spoke with unexpected energy; the lovely English rose
in her cheeks suddenly deepened. Every other girl in the room wondered
what it was that had waked her up; and Mazie, who was manicuring her
nails (she introduced that art among us), paused with the polisher
suspended, and gave her friend an acute fleeting glance.
"I don't believe J. B. minds, or he wouldn't get himself up that way,"
she remarked airily. "We can stand it if he can. He's got an awfully
good figure. After all, the kilt isn't much different from a Roman
costume--like what John McCullough wears in 'Virginius,' you know.
J. B.'s on to his own good points; he's not going to make a guy of
himself--catch a man doing that. 'Tell's' sort of comic opera, and do
you know, girls, honestly, I can't see but that it's every bit as good
as 'Olivette'--you haven't seen that yet. They'll have it out here by
next winter, I suppose; it's always a year before things get West from
New York. We thought we'd have the other play afterwards--they aren't
either of them long. That will give all the men a chance to get into
their dress-clothes before the dancing begins. Teddy and J. B. are both
in the second one, too. It's called 'Mrs. Tankerville's Tiara."
"Where did you get it? Public Library?"
"Oh, gracious, no. I shouldn't have known what to ask for, you know;
why, there've been millions and _millions_ of plays written--did you
know that? Just _millions_! No, Doctor Vardaman lent me the book; I
went down to the house and looked over ever so many with him. You
ought to see the doctor's library; I'd never been in it before; I
believe where we've got one book, he has twenty at the very least. They
go all around the room in shelves with the busts of people on top,
Shakespeare, I suppose, and--and--well, Shakespeare, you know, and
men like that. And he has funny old stuffed birds sitting up between
the busts. You wouldn't think that would be pretty, would you, just
books, and mothy old birds, and no curtains at the windows; it isn't
a bit stylish, but somehow it looks like Doctor Vardaman. Well, we
looked at the greatest pile of books of plays, and I told the doctor
I thought we oughtn't to attempt anything but farce, so that we'd
be sure of entertaining people. But he said if we really meant to be
funny, we'd better be serious; he'd guarantee everybody would be much
more entertained. Doctor Vardaman does say such queer things--you
never know whether he's laughing at you, or with you. But he's lovely
about hearing us rehearse (he's seen it on the stage, you know), and
suggesting _business_--that's when you have to stand in a corner and
make believe to be doing something when it isn't your turn to talk.
Isn't it funny you never see actors standing still, and looking stumped
for something to do? They're always walking around, or they've got
something in their hands to fuss with, or----"
"Well, that's _business_, isn't it?"
"Yes, but I don't see why they can't sit still just the way we are
now--but if they did, it probably wouldn't look right on the stage.
Only how do they think up all the things they do? _Business_ is a lot
harder than talking, anyhow. Muriel's the leading lady, she's got an
awfully long part. J. B. has to make love to her, you know, and when
the butler steals the diamonds, and they think Muriel did it, he goes
right away and proposes to her, to show that _he_ trusts her anyway----"
"I don't like all that spoony part," said Muriel, colouring painfully.
"He don't either, I guess," said Kitty. "Men don't like being made to
look ridiculous."
Kitty was undoubtedly a cat, but---- "You're in the play, too, aren't
you, Miss Oldham?" Muriel asked her.
"Yes. I'm Mrs. Tankerville's maid. I've only got about two words to
say."
"Oh!" said Muriel in her pleasant low voice. "Oh!" That was all. But
she had got even, to our surprise. I believe we all liked her the
better for it.
"We'll all have to copy out our parts," continued Mazie rather hastily.
"It's comedy, except where Mrs. Tankerville's diamonds are stolen;
Teddy Johns is 'Jenks,' the butler; in the last act he's shot, while
he's hiding behind a screen, and then they find the diamonds on
him, and it all comes out right, of course. And oh, girls, it opens
with a ballroom scene, and we'll all have to be dressed up to the
nines--wouldn't mamma be raging if she heard me say that--she thinks
slang's simply _awful_!"
"Was that slang?" asked honest Muriel, opening her eyes. "It doesn't
seem to have any sense. But then one doesn't notice it, because so much
of your talk is like that, in the States!"
"Never mind, you'll learn as you go along," said Kitty encouragingly.
"It may take a good while, but you're bound to learn _some_ time.
Everyone gets used to our slang in the end, even the very slowest ones!"
Mazie again intervened to shunt the conversation on a safer track;
she kept on with the question of dress for the forthcoming dramatic
performance; and as there were a good many changes for everybody, the
scene being laid in the present day, before long she had us all in
smooth water once more. Mazie was her mother's own daughter, deft as a
juggler among the uncertain knives and balls of social favour; she was
fully awake to the difficulties of managing that most unmanageable of
bodies, a set of amateur actors. But during the fortnight or so that
"William Tell" and "Mrs. Tankerville's Tiara" were in preparation, she
and Mrs. Pallinder must have been taxed to the utmost, adroit as they
were, to keep things going smoothly, or indeed, going at all. Teddy
Johns, who was somewhat given to hyperbole, or, as he himself would
have said, to "tall talk," once confided to me that he had a feeling
we were "all dancing on top of a volcano--like the What-d'ye-call-'ems
over the Thingumbob, you know," he said, gloomily. "I've read about 'em
somewhere. Lucky if it don't go off under us!" It _did_ go off, after a
fashion, but not quite as Teddy had expected.
Teddy Johns displayed more real talent--to call his small gift by a
very large name--for the stage than any of us. He was not a clever
young man--he had one lamentable failing; but he could control his
sallow, solemn face, and ungainly body into expressions and attitudes
that would have won laughter from stocks and stones. When Archie Lewis
in his character of "Tell" came tearing across the stage, clamouring
wildly in the highest style of high tragedy, "Me che-ild, me che-ild!
Must I spank me own che-ild?" Teddy could say, "Do Tell!" in an
accent of vacuous astonishment that reduced one to helpless and I
suppose perfectly senseless merriment. Teddy was our sheet-anchor.
Unquestionably without him the whole thing would be a "fizzle."