"Mashallah! God be praised! we are rid of that fellow and his doubts. I
have been thinking, Mustapha, as I smoked the pipe of surmise, and
arrived at the ashes of certainty, that a man who had so many doubts,
could not be a true believer. I wish I had sent him to the mollahs; we
might have been amused with his being impaled, which is a rare object
now-a-days."
"God is great," replied Mustapha, "and a stake is a strong argument, and
would remove many doubts. But I have an infidel in the court-yard who
telleth of strange things. He hath been caught like a wild beast; it is
a Frank Galiongi, who hath travelled as far as that son of Shitan,
Huckaback; he was found in the streets, overpowered by the forbidden
juice, after having beaten many of your highness's subjects, and the
cadi would have administered the bamboo, but he was as a lion, and he
scattered the slaves as chaff, until he fell, and could not rise again.
I have taken him from the cadi, and brought him here. He speaketh but
the Frankish tongue, but the sun who shineth on me knoweth I have been
in the Frank country; and Inshallah! please the Lord, I can interpret
his meaning."
"What sort of a man may he be, Mustapha?"
"He is a baj baj--a big belly--a stout man; he is an Anhunkher, a
swallower of iron. He hath sailed in the war vessels of the Franks. He
holdeth in one hand a bottle of the forbidden liquor; in the other, he
shakes at those who would examine him, a thick stick. He hath a large
handful of the precious weed which we use for our pipes in one of his
cheeks, and his hair is hanging behind down to his waist, in a rolled up
mass, as thick as the arm of your slave."
"It is well--we will admit him; but let there be armed men at hand. Let
me have a full pipe! God is great," continued the pacha, holding out his
glass to be filled; "and the bottle is nearly empty. Place the guards,
and bring in the infidel."
The guards in a few minutes brought into the presence of the pacha a
stout-built English sailor, in the usual dress, and with a tail which
hung down behind, below his waist. The sailor did not appear to like his
treatment; and every now and then, as they pushed and dragged him in,
turned to one side or the other, looking daggers at those who conducted
him. He was sober, although his eyes bore testimony to recent
intoxication, and his face, which was manly and handsome, was much
disfigured by an enormous quid of tobacco in his right cheek, which gave
him an appearance of natural deformity. As soon as he was near enough to
the pacha, the attendants let him go. Jack shook his jacket, hitched up
his trousers, and said, looking furiously at them, "Well, you beggars,
have you done with me at last?"
Mustapha addressed the sailor in English, telling him that he was in the
presence of his highness the pacha.
"What, that old chap, muffled up in shawls and furs--is he the pacha?
Well, I don't think much o' he;" and the sailor turned his eyes round
the room, gaping with astonishment, and perfectly unmindful how very
near he was to one who could cut off his head or his tail, by a single
movement of his hand.
"What sayeth the Frank, Mustapha?" inquired the pacha.
"He is struck dumb with astonishment at the splendour of your majesty,
and all that he beholds."
"It is well said, by Allah!"
"I suppose I may just as well come to an anchor," said the sailor,
suiting the action to the word, and dropping down on the mats. "There,"
continued he, folding his legs in imitation of the Turks, "as it's the
fashion to have a cross in your hawse, on this here country, I can be a
bit of a lubber as well as yourselves. I wouldn't mind if I blew a
cloud, as well as you, old fusty-musty."
"What does the Giaour say? What son of a dog is this, to sit in our
presence?" exclaimed the pacha.
"He saith," replied Mustapha, "that in his country, no one dare stand in
the presence of the Frankish king; and, overcome by his humility, his
legs refuse their office, and he sinks to the dust before you. It is
even as he sayeth, for I have travelled in their country, and such is
the custom of that uncivilised nation. Mashallah! but he lives in awe
and trembling."
"By the beard of the Prophet, he does not appear to show it outwardly,"
replied the pacha; "but that may be the custom also."
"Be chesm, on my eyes be it," replied Mustapha, "it is even so. Frank,"
said Mustapha, "the pacha has sent for you that he may hear an account
of all the wonderful things which you have seen. You must tell lies, and
you will have gold."
"Tell lies! that is, spin a yarn; well, I can do that, but my mouth's
baked with thirst, and without a drop of something, the devil a yarn
from me, and so you may tell the old Billygoat, perched up there."
"What sayeth the son of Shitan?" demanded the pacha, impatiently.
"The unbeliever declareth that his tongue is glued to his mouth from the
terror of your highness's presence. He fainteth after water to restore
him, and enable him to speak."
"Let him be fed," rejoined the pacha.
But Mustapha had heard enough to know that the sailor would not be
content with the pure element. He therefore continued, "Your slave must
tell you, that in the country of the Franks they drink nothing but the
fire-water, in which the true believers but occasionally venture to
indulge."
"Allah acbar! nothing but fire-water? What, then, do they do with common
water?"
"They have none but from heaven--the rivers are all of the same
strength."
"Mashallah! how wonderful is God! I would we had a river here. Let some
be procured, then, for I wish to hear his story."
A bottle of brandy was sent for, and handed to the sailor, who put it to
his mouth, and the quantity he took of it before he removed the bottle
to recover his breath, fully convinced the pacha that Mustapha's
assertions were true.
"Come, that's not so bad," said the sailor, putting the bottle down
between his legs; "and now I'll be as good as my word, and I'll spin old
Billy a yarn as long as the main-top bowling."
"What sayeth the Giaour?" interrupted the pacha.
"That he is about to lay at your highness's feet the wonderful events of
his life, and trusts that his face will be whitened before he quits your
sublime presence. Frank, you may proceed."
"To lie till I'm black in the face--well, since you wish it; but, old
chap, my name arn't Frank. It happens to be Bill; howsomever, it warn't
a bad guess for a Turk; and now I'm here, I'd just like to ax you a
question. We had a bit of a hargument the other day, when I was in a
frigate up the Dardanelles, as to what your religion might be. Jack
Soames said that you warn't Christians, but that if you were, you could
only be Catholics; but I don't know how he could know anything about it,
seeing that he had not been more than seven weeks on board of a
man-of-war. What may you be--if I may make so bold as to ax the
question?"
"What does he say?" inquired the pacha, impatiently.
"He says," interrupted Mustapha, "that he was not so fortunate as to be
born in the country of the true believers, but in an island full of fog
and mist, where the sun never shines, and the cold is so intense, that
the water from heaven is hard and cold as a flint."
"That accounts for their not drinking it. Mashallah! God is great! Let
him proceed."
"The pacha desires me to say that there is but one God, and Mahomet is
his Prophet; and begs that you will go on with your story."
"Never heard of the chap--never mind--here's saw wood."
TALE OF THE ENGLISH SAILOR.
I was born at Shields, and bred to the sea, served my time out of that
port, and got a berth on board a small vessel fitted out from Liverpool
for the slave trade. We made the coast, unstowed our beads, spirits, and
gunpowder, and very soon had a cargo on board; but the day after we
sailed for the Havannah, the dysentery broke out among the niggers--no
wonder, seeing how they were stowed, poor devils, head and tail, like
pilchards in a cask. We opened the hatches, and brought part of them on
deck, but it was of no use, they died like rotten sheep, and we tossed
overboard about thirty a day. Many others, who were alive, jumped
overboard, and we were followed by a shoal of sharks, splashing, and
darting, and diving, and tearing the bodies, yet warm, and revelling in
the hot and bloody water. At last they were all gone, and we turned back
to the coast to get a fresh supply. We were within a day's sail of the
land, when we saw two boats on our weather bow: they made signals to us,
and we found them to be full of men; we hove to, and took them on board,
and then it was that we discovered that they had belonged to a French
schooner, in the same trade, which had started a plank, and had gone
down like a shot, with all the niggers in the hold.
* * * * *
"Now, give the old gentleman the small change of that, while I just wet
my whistle."
Mustapha having interpreted, and the sailor having taken a swig at the
bottle, he proceeded.
* * * * *
We didn't much like having these French beggars on board, and it wasn't
without reason, for they were as many as we were. The very first night
they were overheard by a negro who belonged to us, and had learnt
French, making a plan for overpowering us, and taking possession of the
vessel; so when we heard that, their doom was sealed. We mustered
ourselves on the deck, put the hatches over some o' the French, seized
those on deck, and--in half an hour, they all walked the plank.
* * * * *
"I do not understand what you mean," said Mustapha.
"That's 'cause you're a lubber of a landsman. The long and short of
walking a plank is just this. We passed a wide plank over the gunnel,
greasing it well at the outer end, led the Frenchmen up to it
blindfolded, and wished them 'bon voyage,' in their own lingo, just out
of politeness. They walked on till they toppled into the sea, and the
sharks didn't refuse them, though they prefer a nigger to anything
else."
"What does he say, Mustapha?" interrupted the pacha. Mustapha
interpreted.
"Good; I should like to have seen that," replied the pacha.
* * * * *
Well, as soon as we were rid of the Frenchmen, we made our port, and
soon had another cargo on board, and, after a good run, got safe to the
Havannah, where we sold our slaves; but I didn't much like the sarvice,
so I cut the schooner, and sailed home in summer, and got back safe to
England. There I fell in with Betsy, and as she proved a regular
out-and-outer, I spliced her; and a famous wedding we had of it, as long
as the rhino lasted; but that wasn't long, the more's the pity; so I
went to sea for more. When I came back after my trip, I found that Bet
hadn't behaved quite so well as she might have done, so I cut my stick,
and went away from her altogether.
* * * * *
"Why didn't you put her in a sack?" inquired the pacha, when Mustapha
explained.
"Put her head in a bag--no, she wasn't so ugly as all that," replied the
sailor. "Howsomever, to coil away."
* * * * *
I joined a privateer brig, and after three cruises I had plenty of
money, and determined to have another spell on shore, that I might get
rid of it. Then I picked up Sue, and spliced again; but, Lord bless your
heart, she turned out a regular-built Tartar--nothing but fight fight,
scratch scratch, all day long, till I wished her at old Scratch. I was
tired of her, and Sue had taken a fancy to another chap; so says she one
day, "As we both be of the same mind, why don't you sell me, and then we
may part in a respectable manner." I agrees, and I puts a halter round
her neck, and leads her to the market-place, the chap following to buy
her.
"Who bids for this woman?" says I.
"I do," say he.
"What will you give?"
"Half-a-crown," says he.
"Will you throw a glass of grog into the bargain?"
"Yes," says he.
"Then she's yours; and I wish you much joy of your bargain." So I hands
the rope to him, and he leads her off.
"How much did you say he sold his wife for?" said the pacha to
Mustapha, when this part of the story was repeated to him.
"A piastre, and a drink of the fire-water," replied the vizier.
"Ask him if she was handsome," said the pacha.
"Handsome," replied the sailor to Mustapha's inquiry; "yes, she was as
pretty a craft to look at as you may set your eyes upon; fine round
counter--clean run--swelling bows--good figure-head, and hair enough for
a mermaid."
"What does he say?" inquired the pacha.
"The Frank declareth that her eyes were bright as those of the gazelle,
that her eyebrows were as one, her waist as that of the cypress, her
face as the full moon, and that she was fat as the houris that await the
true believers."
"Mashallah! all for a piastre. Ask him, Mustapha, if there are more
wives to be sold in that country?"
"More," replied the sailor, in answer to Mustapha; "you may have a ship
full in an hour. There's many a fellow in England who would give a
handful of coin to get rid of his wife."
"We will make further inquiry, Mustapha; it must be looked to. Say I not
well?"
"It is well said," replied Mustapha. "My heart is burnt as roast meat at
the recollection of the women of the country; who are, indeed, as he
hath described houris to the sight. Proceed, Yaha Bibi, my friend, and
tell his----"
"Yaw Bibby! I told you my name was Bill, not Bibby; and I never yaws
from my course, although I heaves to sometimes, as I do now, to take in
provisions." The sailor took another swig, wiped his mouth with the back
of his hand, and continued--"Now for a good lie."
* * * * *
"I sailed in a brig for the Brazils, and a gale came on, that I never
seed the like of. We were obliged to have three men stationed to hold
the captain's hair on his head; and a little boy was blown over the
moon, and slid down by two or three of her beams, till he caught the
mainstay, and never hurt himself."
* * * * *
"Good," said Mustapha, who interpreted.
"By the beard of the Prophet, wonderful!" exclaimed the pacha.
* * * * *
Well, the gale lasted for a week, and at last one night, when I was at
the helm, we dashed on the rocks of a desolate island. I was pitched
right over the mountains, and fell into the sea on the other side of the
island. I swam on shore, and got into a cave, where I fell fast asleep.
The next morning I found that there was nothing to eat except rats, and
they were plentiful; but they were so quick, that I could not catch
them. I walked about, and at last discovered a great many rats together;
they were at a spring of water, the only one, as I afterwards found, on
the island. Rats can't do without water, and I thought I should have
them there. I filled up the spring, all but a hole which I sat on the
top of. When the rats came again, I filled my mouth with water, and held
it wide open; they ran up to drink, and I caught their heads in my
teeth, and thus I took as many as I wished.
* * * * *
"Aferin, excellent!" cried the pacha, as soon as this was explained.
* * * * *
Well, at last a vessel took me off, and I wasn't sorry for it, for raw
rats are not very good eating. I went home again, and I hadn't been on
shore more than two hours, when who should I see but my first wife, Bet,
with a robin-redbreast in tow. 'That's he!' says she. I gave fight, but
was nabbed and put into limbo, to be tried for what they call _biggery_,
or having a wife too much.
"How does he mean?--desire him to explain," said the pacha, after
Mustapha had conveyed the intelligence. Mustapha obeyed.
"In our country one wife is considered a man's allowance, and he is not
to take more, that every Jack may have his Jill. I had spliced two, so
they tried me, and sent me to Botany Bay for life."
This explanation puzzled the pacha. "How--what sort of a country must it
be, when a man cannot have two wives? Inshallah! please the Lord, we may
have hundreds in our harem! Does he not laugh at our beards with lies?
Is this not all _bosh_, nothing?"
"It is even so, as the Frank speaketh," replied Mustapha. "The king of
the country can take but one wife. Be chesm, on my eyes be it, if it is
not the truth."
"Well," rejoined the pacha, "what are they but infidels? They deserve to
have no more. Houris are for the faithful. May their fathers' graves be
defiled. Let the Giaour proceed."
* * * * *
Well, I was started for the other side of the water, and got there safe
enough, as I hope one day to get to Heaven, wind and weather permitting,
but I had no idea of working without pay, so one fine morning I slipt
away into the woods, where I remained with three or four more for six
months. We lived upon kangaroos, and another odd little animal, and got
on pretty well.
* * * * *
"What may the dish of kangaroos be composed of?" inquired Mustapha, in
obedience to the pacha.
"'Posed of! why, a dish of kangaroos be made of kangaroos to be sure."
* * * * *
But I'll be dished if I talked about anything but the animal, which we
had some trouble to kill; for it stands on its big tail, and fights with
all four feet. Moreover, it be otherwise a strange beast; for its young
ones pop out of its stomach, and then pop in again, having a place
there on purpose, just like the great hole in the bow of a timber ship;
and as for the other little animal, it swims in the ponds, lays eggs,
and has a duck's bill, yet still it be covered all over with hair like a
beast.
* * * * *
The vizier interpreted. "By the Prophet, but he laughs at our beards!"
exclaimed the pacha, angrily. "These are foolish lies."
"You must not tell the pacha such foolish lies. He will be angry," said
Mustapha. "Tell lies, but they must be good lies."
"Well, I'll be----," replied the sailor, "if the old beggar don't doubt
the only part which is true out of the whole yarn. Well, I will try
another good un to please him."
* * * * *
After I had been there about six months I was tired; and as there was
only twenty thousand miles between that country and my own, I determined
to swim back.
* * * * *
"Mashallah! swim back--how many thousand miles?" exclaimed Mustapha.
"Only twenty thousand--a mere nothing."
* * * * *
So one fine morning I throws a young kangaroo on my shoulder, and off I
starts. I swam for three months, night and day, and then feeling a
little tired, I laid to on my back, and then I set off again; but by
this time I was so covered with barnacles, that I made but little way.
So I stopped at Ascension, scraped and cleaned myself, and then, after
feeding for a week on turtle, just to keep the scurvy out of my bones, I
set off again; and as I passed the Gut, I thought I might just as well
put in here; and here I arrived, sure enough, yesterday, about three
bells in the morning watch, after a voyage of five months and three
days.
* * * * *
When Mustapha translated all this to the pacha, the latter was lost in
astonishment. "Allah Wakbar! God is everywhere! Did you ever hear of
such a swimmer? Twenty thousand miles--five months and three days. It is
a wonderful story! Let his mouth be filled with gold."
Mustapha intimated to the sailor the unexpected compliment about to be
conferred on him, just as he had finished the bottle and rolled it away
on one side. "Well, that be a rum way of paying a man. I have heard it
said that a fellow _pursed_ up his mouth; but I never afore heard of a
mouth being a purse. Howsomever, all's one for that; only, d'ye see, if
you are about to stow it away in bulk, it may be just as well to get rid
of the dunnage." The sailor put his thumb and forefinger into his cheek,
and pulled out his enormous quid of tobacco. "There now, I'm ready, and
don't be afraid of choking me." One of the attendants then thrust
several pieces of gold into the sailor's mouth, who, spitting them all
out into his hat, jumped on his legs, made a jerk of his head with a
kick of the leg behind to the pacha; and declaring that he was the
funniest old beggar he had ever fallen in with, nodded to Mustapha, and
hastened out of the divan.
"Mashallah! but he swims well," said the pacha, breaking up the
audience.