John Smith, the sea-serpent, was born in a swamp near Sydney, about
5000 years ago. He was hatched by a female Bunyip from an immense
three cornered egg, which is supposed to have fallen out of the moon,
and he is the only sea-serpent that ever existed. He never had
relations, and is the only being in the world of whom the verse is
true. He never had a father. He never had a mother. He never had a
sister. He never had a brother. He also never had a wife. He is of a
very shy disposition, and many fascinating mermaids have made love to
him, and practiced all their well-known wiles upon him--but in vain:
he is a bachelor still. Like some other animals mentioned in history,
he thinks and talks like a man. He is exceedingly intelligent, and
seems to have as much sense as 20,000 ordinary men or 21,000 women.
He can sing with a voice of tremendous compass, from the sweet piping
of a nightingale down to far below the deepest tones of the largest
organ, or the noise made by discharges of artillery. Sometimes when
he sings it shakes the ground for miles around, and if at sea causes
a storm. His favourite songs are "A Life on the Ocean Wave," "What
are the Wild Waves Saying," "Down by the Deep Sad Sea," and such
like. He plays all the musical instruments in the world. His whistle
can be heard a distance of 100 miles, his shout 50 miles, and his
whisper 10 miles. Of course, in an active life of 5000 years, a life
almost as long as some Hindoo patriarchs, he has seen and heard, and
done, many astonishing things. He relates that he once rescued a
travelling menagerie at sea, he swallowed the whole lot of animals,
and the woman in charge of them, let them roam about inside of him
and enjoy themselves, and then landed them safely on dry land at the
end of 48 hours. He says that he was in Arabia, and saw that
remarkable occurrence of the moon coming down and going into
Mahomet's sleeves, and there and then he objected to the whole
proceeding. The sea-serpent is 15 miles long and 50 feet in diameter,
his skin is of a horny nature, but harder than steel, and about 5
feet thick. He travels at the rate of 200 miles per hour, and can
carry 120 times as much as the "Great Eastern." If he was coming up
to the Queen's Wharf, Melbourne, when his head was at the wharf, his
body would reach right down the River Yarra out in the Bay past
Williamstown, and the Traffic would have to be stopped in the river
whilst he was unloading. The sea-serpent is rather a large eater.
Since he reached full growth, namely, for the last 4000 years, he has
swallowed a whole whale every morning for breakfast except once. The
reason of his going without his breakfast that once is explained in
the following manner:--
The reader will remember the account of Jonah and the Whale in the
Talmud. It states that when Jonah was in the whale's belly, it went
out of the Mediterranean right around Africa into the Red Sea, and
that Jonah looked out through the eyes of the whale and saw the place
where the children of Israel crossed the Red Sea. The sea-serpent
states that he can corroborate this piece of history, as he happened
to be after that very whale for breakfast when he saw Jonah looking
out through its eyes. He says he did not swallow that whale, as he
had found that the whales which he had previously swallowed with
prophets inside of them did not agree with him, and consequently he
had to go that morning without his breakfast, the first time in 4000
years. Those who want any further information about the famous
sea-serpent can acquire it at Cole's Book Arcade, Melbourne, or come
and interview and question the sea-serpent himself when he arrives.
P.S.--Some people don't believe in the existence of the sea-serpent,
but if he did not exist how could we have got his likeness and his
history? That's a question for the unbelievers to answer.
[Page 197--Funny and Foolish Dress Land]
[Illustration: Servant Girl.]
A Servant Girl dressed in four absurdities of fashion--a Tight
Corset, Tight High-heeled Boots, a Bustle Improver, and
Fifteen-button Gloves.
She appears very conceited, but with her tight-lacing must feel
very uncomfortable and unwell, and wall sensible people must feel
that she is very silly, and with her absurd boots her feet must
pain her almost as much as the Chinese woman's shown above [right]
pained her when first compressed.
[Illustration: Various Fashions.]
European Woman with her Waist Fashionably Tightened to 15 inches.
Chinese Woman with her Feet Fashionably Compressed to 3 inches.
Long-Nailed Fashion of an Annamese Noble, and a Marquesian Chief.
Chinese Ladies' Fashionable Pinched Feet and Shoes, shewing also
deplorable foolishness in China.
[Illustration: Various Shoes.]
Old English Fashions, showing our ancestors were as foolish as we
are.
[Illustration: Ancient Greek Youth.]
Costume of an Ancient Greek Youth, very easy, elegant and suitable
for a Lady's Reform Dress.
This is a much more sensible dress than the one opposite it
[servant girl] and the two below it--look at them.
[Illustration: Lady in Crinoline at narrow Pedestrian gap in Fence.]
Crinoline, 1859.
The Dog has got through all right, but how will the lady manage.
[Illustration: Three Ladies in Crinoline and a Coach.]
Crinoline, 1859.
Coach licensed to carry four. The coachman and the horse are both
wondering how it can be done.
[Page 198--Funny and Foolish Dress Land]
[Illustration: Persian Lady in Out-door Costume.]
[Illustration: French Costume.]
[Illustration: Costume, beginning of the 19th century.]
[Illustration: A German Crinoline Frame.]
[Illustration: Indians of the Rio Colorado.]
[Illustration: Roumanian Costume.]
[Illustration: An English and French Costume.]
[Illustration: A North American Indian Maiden.]
[Illustration: Reformed American Costume.]
[Illustration: The Gorget Costume.]
[Illustration: Turkish Out-door Costume.]
[Page 199--Funny, Foolish, and Useful Fashions]
[Illustration: Ancient English Costume.]
[Illustration: British Lady and Chinese Ambassador's Wife and
Daughter.]
A British Lady and the Chinese Ambassador's Wife and Daughter
at the Queen's First Drawing Room, Buckingham Palace, 1893.
The Chinese ladies are dressed more rationally, but the have such
fashionably small feet that they have to lean against the table to
enable them to stand with safety. The European lady and the Asiatic
ladies are each alike martyrs to foolish fashion, one with the waist
and the other with the feet.
[Illustration: Old Alsatian Costume.]
[Illustration: Bad kind of dress to run, and jump, and play in.]
[Illustration: Too much material in the train and too little on the
shoulders.]
"Mother, do put on a shawl, please, before you go down."
"Why, Sonnie?"
"Oh, because some one's is sure to see you if you go down like
that!"
[Page 200--Useful Fashions]
[Illustration: Physical Exercise Costume.]
[Illustration: Jewess of Tunis.]
[Illustration: Reform Costume.]
[Illustration: A Reform Dress for Travelling.]
[Illustration: Bloomer Costume.]
[Illustration: An Afghan Lady.]
[Illustration: Syrian Costume.]
[Illustration: Mountain Climbing Costume.]
[Page 201--Funny, Foolish, and Useful Fashions]
[Illustration: Maharajah of Jodhpore.]
[Illustration: Japanese Court Dress.]
[Illustration: Chinese laborer.]
[Illustration: Gentleman.]
[Illustration: King Munza.]
[Illustration: An Ancient Fop.]
Ashamed to show his face. A few frivolous fops and other foolish men
still wear corsets.
[Illustration: English Costume.]
[Illustration: Canadian Indian.]
[Illustration: Zulu Kaffir.]
[Illustration: Kaffir.]
[Illustration: Mandan Chief.]
[Illustration: A gentleman.]
[Page 202--Boy Smoking]
[Illustration: Boy's First smoke.]
Boy's First Smoke.
Enjoying the Tobacco Poison.
[Illustration: Shortly Afterwards.]
Shortly Afterwards.
Suffering from the Tobacco Poison.
[Illustration: A Youth stunted, wasted and wasting by Cigarette
Smoking.]
[Illustration: Twin Brothers.]
Twin Brothers.
Brother who Smoked, thereby destroying his Vital Organs, his Good
Looks, and Stunting his Body.
Brother who Didn't Smoke, and therefore grew Good-Looking, Big,
Healthy and Strong.
Multitudes of Employers, both in England and America, will not employ
Boy Smokers, and publicly announce the same.
[Illustration: Boy Smokers Seeking Employment.]
[From the "Social Gazette," also from the "Australian War Cry."]
The following statements show some of the large establishments that
are closed against cigarette smokers in America:--
"Swift & Co. (Packing House, Chicago), and other Chicago business
houses, employing hundreds of boys, have issued this announcement,
or similar ones--_So impressed with the danger of Cigarette using
that we do not employ a Cigarette user._
Marshall Field, the Mammoth Universal Provider, gave similar
notice.
[Page 203--Smoking Land]
Montgomery, Ward and Co., the universal providers, say, "We will
not employ cigarette users."
"Morgan and Wright Tyre company, large employers, announce, "No
cigarettes can be smoked by our employees."
"At John Wanamakers.--The application blank to be filled out by
boys applying for a position reads: 'Do you use tobacco or
cigarettes?' A negative answer is expected, and is favourable to
their acceptance as employes."
"Heath and Milligan, Chicago, bar cigarette users."
"Carson, Pirie and Scott, Chicago, bar cigarette smokers as
employes."
Ayer's Sarsparilla Company, Lovell, employs hundreds of boys.
--"March 1, 1902--Believing that the smoking of cigarettes is
injurious to both mind and body, thereby unfitting young men for
their best work--therefore after this date we will not employ any
young man under twenty-one years of age who smokes cigarettes."
"I've got a boy for you, sir." Glad of it; who is he?" asked the
master workman of a large establishment. The man told the boy's
name and where he lived. "Don't want him," said the master workman,
"he has got a bad mark." "A bad mark, sir; what?" "I meet him every
day with a cigar in his mouth; I don't want smokers!"
"The Lehigh Valley Railroad bars cigarette smokers."
"The Chicago, Rock Island, and Pacific Railroad bars cigarette
smoking."
"The New York, New Haven, and Hartford Railroad bars employes who
smoke cigarettes."
"The Central Railroad, Georgia, forbids cigarette smoking."
"The Union Pacific Railroad forbids cigarette smoking."
The following is a public notice: "The Western Union Telegraph
Company will discharge from their messenger service boys who
persist in smoking cigarettes."
A Telephone Company.--Order: "You are directed to serve notice
that the use of cigarettes after August 1 will be prohibited; and
you are further instructed to, in the future, refuse to employ
anyone who is addicted to the habit."--Leland Hume, Assistant
General Manager of the Cumberland Telephone and Telegraph Company.
"In the United States Weather Bureau.--'Chief of United States
Weather Bureau, Willis M. Moore, has placed the ban on cigarettes
in this department of Government service'."