Testimonial from a Schoolmaster
_(To Mr. Cole, Book Arcade, Melbourne)_
SIR--Your Patent Flogger is a "keen"
Success as a labor-saving machine;
'Twill yet be held in great esteem,
Already 'tis the Poet's theme;
It's the greatest patent that's ever been
In or out of a schoolroom seen;
And as you have got it to go by steam,
School-life will now be all serene.
I have not had a bad boy remaining now, but before I used your
machine they used to be a frightful lot of young scamps. For
instance, in my school of 1000, the first day the machine was
introduced, 741 were punished for various misdeeds, and 103 for
single offences, were flogged as follows:--
John Hawking, for talking
William Winning, for grinning
George Highing, for crying
Edward Daring, for swearing
Henry Wheeling, for stealing
Peter Bitting, for spitting
Robert Hocking, for smoking
Frederick Mention, for inattention
Joseph Footing, for pea-shooting
Luke Jones, for throwing stones
Matthew Sauter, for squirting water
Nicholas Storms, for upsetting forms
Reuben Wrens, for spoiling pens
Samuel Jinks, for spilling ink
Simon McLeod, for laughing aloud
Timothy Stacies, for making faces
Victor Bloomers, for taking lunars
Vincent James, for calling names
Caleb Hales, for telling tales
Daniel Padley, for writing badly
David Jessons, for cribbing lessons
Edmond Gate, for coming late
Ezra Lopen, for leaving the door open
Edwin Druent, for playing the truant
Charles Case, for leaving his place
Ernest Jewell, for eating during school
Coo Ah Hi, for using a shanghai
Francis Berindo, for breaking a window
Harold Tate, for breaking his slate
Isaac Joys, for making noise
Jacob Crook, for tearing his book
Christopher Moyes, for teasing other boys
Elisha Sewell, for bolting from school
Conrad Draper, for throwing chewed paper
Ebenezer Good, for telling a falsehood
Felix Snooks, for coming without books
Cyril Froude, for speaking too loud
Elijah Rowe, for speaking too low
Gregory Meek, for refusing to speak
Hannibal Hartz, for throwing paper darts
Horace Poole, for whistling in school
Hubert Shore, for slamming the door
Jesse Blane, for hiding the cane
Jonah Platts, for hiding boys' hats
Aaron Esk, for cutting the desk
Abner Rule, for sleeping in school
Adam Street, for changing his seat
Albert Mayne, for splitting the teacher's cane
Alexander Tressons, for reading during other lessons
Alfred Hoole, for eating lollies in school
Ambrose Hooke, for blotting his copy-book
Amos Blair, for not combing his hair
Andrew Grace, for not washing his face
Anthony Sands, for not washing his hands
Arnold Cootz, for coming in with dirty boots
Benjamin Guess, for coming with untidy dress
Clarence Hyneman, for annoying a stray Chinaman
Michael McToole, for bringing stones to school
Cuthbert Flindow, for climbing through the window
Edgar Gasking, for going without asking
Eric Grout, for kicking boys' hats about
Enoch McKay, for pinching the next boy
Gabriel Cook, for tearing a boy's book
Hyram Pope, for pulling the bell rope
Humphrey Proof, for getting on the roof
Jonah Earls, for chasing school-girls
Jonathan Spence, for climbing over the fence
Phillip Cannister, for sliding down the bannister
Lambert Hesk, for sliding on a desk
Lawrence Storm, for standing on a form
Lazarus Beet, for stamping with his feet
Leopold Bate, for swinging on the gate
Lewis Lesks, for kicking legs of desks
Mark Vine, for overstepping the toe-line
Nathan Corder, for not marching in order
Norman Hall, for scribbling on the wall
James Mace, for hitting a boy in the face
Thomas Sayers, for pushing boys down the stairs
Oswald Hook, for losing a school-book
Ralph Chesson, for not knowing his lesson
Sampson Skinner, for eating another boy's dinner
Solomon Brook, for scribbling in his book
Stephen Platt, for chasing the master's cat
Neal M'Kimney, dropping a brick down the chimney
Theodore Le Soof, for throwing stones on the roof
Valentine Rapp, for turning on the water-tap
Walter Hope, for climbing up the bell-rope
Joshua Gail, for catching flies on the wall
Raymond Esk, for sticking pins in the desk
Julian State, for drawing pictures on his slate
Gerald Astor, for being impudent to the master
Augustus Roff, for not taking his hat off
Rupert Keats, for fixing pens in boys' seats
Maurice Took, for having a dirty copybook
Esau Klaster, for drawing caricatures of the master
Paul Bhool, for letting a bird loose in school
Jabez Breeding, for not knowing the place at reading
Levi Stout, for stopping too long when let out
Guy M'Gill, sharpening a knife on the window-sill
Duncan Heather, pinning two boys' coat-tails together
Ezekiel Black, pinning paper on another boy's back
Patrick O'Toole, for bursting a paper-bag in school
Eli Teet, for putting cobbler's wax on master's seat
[Page 42--Dolly Land]
[Illustration: Girl Showing Dolly to Polly.]