One day as I was crossing the parade-ground I saw the adjutant stop
Giulia, who was coming to meet me, and speak, as I thought, earnestly
to her. I knew that he admired her and that a good deal of my troubles
arose from her avowed preference for me, but my mind was quite easy
on that score. Dozens of men in the battalion would be very glad to
replace me in her favour, but all were aware that she was true as
steel, and though this knowledge probably made many more envious of
my good fortune yet it certainly kept them from annoying Giulia with
unavailing protestations of love. Indeed, Giulia and I often laughed
together when a legionary after a second or third glass of _eau-de-vie_
looked longingly at her for a moment and then sighed with love and
liquor. At first she used playfully to resent my allusions to her
conquests, but as soon as she understood my absolute faith in her
constancy she entered into the spirit of badinage quite as freely as
I. I never jested about the adjutant. When we spoke of him we were
both angry--I for my disgrace and punishment, Giulia because at the
time she understood better than I did the reason of his severity. Many
times she told me that he had spoken in a more than friendly manner
to her, but she always added that her answers were not the answers he
wished for, and I had often heard from my comrades of scenes at or near
the canteen when she spoke her mind openly to him and made him feel
that worst of all tortures to a man of sensitive mind--words of utter
contempt from the woman he adores. What must have made things worse for
the adjutant was that he knew, as the others did, that his repulses
were deserved, and the officer was especially punished in this--that
the whole battalion rejoiced in his discomfiture, and men repeated over
and over again in hut and guard-house and canteen the very expressions
with which Giulia had cut him to the heart. I had never questioned her
closely about his behaviour and attempts at love-making--I thought of
him as an enemy, not as a rival--but when I saw him so deliberately
stop Giulia as she was approaching me I resolved to ask her, not out of
jealousy, be it well understood, but out of curiosity, what he had to
say so important that he laid his hand upon her arm to detain her.
I could not speak to Giulia that day about this, as very soon after
the adjutant had stopped her on the parade-ground I was sent on some
duty or other that kept me busy until the canteen was opened, and then
there was no chance of private conversation. Next day was Sunday, and
I then could be with her for at least a couple of hours, so that I did
not mind the delay. While I was in the canteen that Saturday evening,
drinking a glass of wine with a couple of Alsatians, I asked Giulia
to meet me at the main gate on the following day. She, of course,
consented; my asking was only a matter of form, a compliment to the
girl. She told me that she would bring a flask of wine and that she
would also have a packet of cigarettes and a few cigars.
"Why do you tell me that, Giulia?" I asked. "When you bring me any
present I accept and thank you, but you know I want nothing but your
comradeship and your love."
"I know well," she replied; "but I want you to come out of the
cantonment with me to-morrow. I want to tell you many things, and we
shall be away for a long time. If I am not back in time to open the
canteen the sergeant's wife will open it for the soldiers. But you
and I, we must talk long and earnestly to-morrow. Confide in me as I
confide in you. I am true--I shall always be so--and you, I know, will
be true as well."
To this I could answer nothing except that I loved her better than my
life; that I trusted her more than any man had ever trusted woman; and
that I was her own, her very own, for ever.
When we met next day at the main-guard Giulia, as she had promised,
had a little parcel that made the sergeant of the guard, the sentry on
duty, and the other legionaries lounging about, consider me a happy man
in spite of all my misfortunes. I could see that, and I own it gave me
pleasure. The lowest, as well as the highest, desires to inspire envy
in the hearts of others. So long as they think him especially favoured,
the sorrows and troubles, which he alone knows of and feels, seem to
diminish, even almost to disappear. But I had more than the envy of my
comrades to console me; Giulia, happy and smiling, came towards me as
I approached, and the sight of her happiness at meeting me was more
than enough to make me forget all my disgrace, all my punishment, the
hard words which came as regularly as the bugle went for parade, the
extra toil that I was condemned to as the tyrant's enemy, and all the
incidental annoyances that were sure to come to one whom his fellows
had already named "Pas de chance." Yes; that, as I now remember it, was
the last of the happy moments. It seemed as if the gods were giving us
an overtaste of happiness before the time of anger, strife, and utter
wretchedness opened on our lives.
We passed out together through the gate, Giulia in her smartest dress,
and I in the regulation Sunday attire, with belt and bayonet and
gloves. In Europe people put on silk hats and frock coats on Sundays;
we of the Legion merely wore gloves and bayonets, but even with these
small additions to our usual costume we felt extra dressed. It was a
warm day--that is, warm even for Algeria--and we walked rather slowly
along. Once we passed through the gate I took the little parcel from
Giulia, saying, with a happy smile: "I am robbing you ma belle."
"You cannot rob me of anything," she replied, "since all I have is
yours."
Then I kissed her, forgetting all about the legionaries of the guard
who were lounging about the gate. How they must have envied me, my good
comrades.
We did not go far from the cantonment, merely about a quarter of a
mile, to a place where we had spent many a pleasant hour together on
former Sundays. It was not an ideal resting-place. It was certainly
not a meadow pied with daisies, with a murmuring rivulet at hand, but
there really was a little shelter, for a fairly big rock overhung the
spot, and in the lee of this one could somewhat escape the fierce heat
of the sun. None of the other soldiers came near it on Sundays. They
would, of course, have no hesitation in disturbing me, but Giulia the
imperious, Giulia who could refuse the blessed liquor even to a rich
man if she wished, was not to be offended. A couple of legionaries,
a Spaniard and a Greek, had on one occasion posted themselves in a
position whence they could watch our love-making, and had carried
back a report to their comrades that Giulia and me were not so much
in love as people thought, and it was only two days afterwards, when
they entered the canteen together and were sternly ordered out of it,
that they found out that we had discovered them and would not provide
amusement for spies. The other soldiers had no sympathy with either
Greek or Spaniard, and so the corps could boast, as I told them one
day, of at least two men who did not drink. It is all very well to
be a teetotaller from choice, but to be one from necessity is a very
different thing, especially to a soldier. And the lesson Giulia taught
by refusing even a glass of _vin ordinaire_ to the precious pair
made all the rest desirous of leaving us our chosen resting-place to
ourselves.
When we arrived and sat down Giulia took the little parcel from me
and opened it. There were three or four cigars, a couple of dozen
cigarettes, and a pint bottle of wine. Some sweets were also there, but
I left these for Giulia.
"Very well," I said, "this is a real feast. We can live here for at
least four hours with such supplies."
"Is it not good?" she asked.
"Very good," I told her; "you grow kinder every day; but I too have a
little surprise for you, carissima."
"What! a surprise for me? What is it?" And she laid her pretty little
hand upon my arm.
I bade her shut her eyes, and when she did so, I clasped a silver
bracelet on her wrist--it had cost me more than two months' pay--and
was amply rewarded for my gift by the childish joy she showed when she
beheld it. How happy we were that Sunday!
But this story has little to do with happiness now that it approaches
the end. When we had taken a little of the wine and were quietly
enjoying our cigarettes I asked Giulia what the adjutant had said to
her on the previous day.
"I will tell you all now," she said to me. "I can no longer keep it
from you, though I do not wish to give you pain. You have always
trusted me, as I have trusted you. Is it not so, dearest?"
"But yes," I answered; "no one could doubt you; you are too good
and too true. Why, even the worst man in the battalion knows and
acknowledges that."
"I am well content," Giulia said to me; "you have not erred. I have
always been faithful, and I will be faithful for ever. But I cannot
prevent anyone, not even the man I hate most, from loving me, and
things have come to such a pass now that it is only right that you
should know all."
Thereupon, seeing that the poor girl was in great distress, I flung
away my cigarette, and taking hers from between her fingers flung it
away too. Then I kissed her, and keeping her very closely in my arms,
said:
"Tell me everything; but I must tell you one thing first: I am quite
sure that, no matter what troubles we may have endured or may have to
endure, neither will ever grieve the other by want of love or want of
trust."
She sobbed for a moment quietly on my breast, and then began:
"It is all because of that adjutant--that devil who will not allow
anyone to be happy. He has always, since he came to the cantonment,
desired to take me for himself, and whenever he came with his
unwished-for proposals I insulted him and drove him away. Then he
threatened that he would take vengeance on you, and I warned you to
be on your guard. In spite of all he injured you and nearly broke my
heart, but I constantly hoped that he might leave the battalion with
the next draft. The draft has gone and he remains; there will be no
new draft for months, and what hope is left now? When he stopped me
on the parade yesterday it was to renew his unwelcome proposals, but
this time he asked me to be his wife. I was angry, and told him that,
were he even President of the Republic, I would neither let him kiss
me as lover nor wed me as husband, and that, no matter what rank he
might win, he would always remain the same--a tyrant to those beneath
him, and a tyrant, I believed, was only slightly better than a slave.
Then he swore with vehemence that he would have you shot before a
month was over, and that is why I tell you." At this point she wept,
and could not be comforted for a long time. When she became somewhat
calm, I told her that now we knew the adjutant's intentions we could
do at least something to prevent their realisation, and that, in any
case, if the affair should come to the worst it would be easy enough
to have a little satisfaction before being punished. This did not seem
very comforting, but it was the best I could say. My mind was at the
time even more full of hate of the adjutant than love of Giulia, and I
think she must have noticed this, for she tried to turn my thoughts in
a pleasanter direction. Almost in a moment she, who had but a moment
before been hopeless and comfortless, dried her tears, smiled bravely
into my eyes, and told me I thought more of my anger than of her
love. I put aside at once all emotions save those of tenderness and
affection, I petted and caressed her, I told her over and over again
what women never tire of hearing: _Je t'aime, je t'aime, je t'aime_.
If you can say "I love you" to a woman, and she feels that you say it
with truth, you have made the most eloquent speech in the world to her
ears--that is, be it well understood, if she is inclined to say the
same words to you. If she cannot respond, why! say good-bye and forget
her. He is only a fool who cannot, even though it hurts, give up a love
that meets with no response.
But there was no danger of lack of response on Giulia's part. In a
pretty mixture of Italian, French, and English that we had taught each
other she gave me assurances that were not the less valued because
they were repetitions of ones that I had received from her many times
before, and that fell upon my ears all the more pleasantly that I well
knew them to be absolutely true. There can be no mistaking the love or
the hate of an Italian girl; the Southern warmth shows itself in both.
As I had experience of one, so the adjutant had sorely felt the other.
While we were thus creating happiness for each other, a harsh voice
fell upon our ears. It was the adjutant's. I stood up and faced round
to meet him, all thoughts of love had now disappeared, only hatred of
the tyrant filled my heart. I remembered the many insults, the unfair
surprises, the more than devilish ingenuity with which he had hounded
me down. I thought of my former rank and contrasted it in my mind
with my then lowly condition; I remembered my lost chevrons, my lost
pay, my lost position, my lost chance of promotion, my lost friends,
for what sergeant could associate with the reduced sub-officer in the
ranks! I thought of Giulia's sorrows, her wakeful nights when she
knew that I was tossing uneasily on a plank bed, her anxiety as the
hour approached for my trial, her fear of some terrible result, the
insulting proposals that she was compelled to hear and of which she
dared not speak, and as all these thoughts surged through my brain I
saw no adjutant, no superior officer of mine, but a man-wolf, a demon
incarnate hot from hell. Yet I was outwardly calm; I said no word, nor
for some moments did he speak, but I felt that the crisis had come at
last. I was glad that we three were quite alone; the thought flashed
upon my mind that it was Sunday, and that day I wore my bayonet.
At last he spoke: "Will mademoiselle kindly go away and permit me to
speak alone to the soldier?"
"No," Giulia replied; "I will stay. Why have you come here?"
"I came," said the adjutant, speaking very slowly and impressively, all
the while looking hard at me, "to make a proposition to this man."
"I can guess your proposition," I replied, stopping Giulia with a
gesture, "and I give you the same answer as Mademoiselle Julie has
already given. She does not give me up; I do not give up her. Did you
think," and I spoke with deliberation equal to his, "that I would allow
my darling to purchase an easy life and also promotion for me by giving
you even one kiss, even one glance of favour! No," I went on, "Giulia's
kisses and caresses and words of love are for me and for me alone; get
some woman of the camp--she will be good enough for you."
The adjutant controlled himself with an effort. After a short delay, in
which, I presume, he determined to make one attempt more to gain his
object, for his desire was greater than his hate, he said:
"I have offered to marry her; you are not in a position to do so. When
we are married I will get leave of absence and we will go away, and
while away from the battalion I can arrange a transfer; then we shall
never meet again. If she comes away with me as my wife, I will take
care that she has a happy and comfortable life; if she does not marry
me, and I ask her now for the last time, she cannot be happy here, for
I will see that you at least will not be long her lover." Then, turning
to Giulia, he went on: "If you really love him, save him now."
He held out his hands appealingly to her. As he stood so exposed I
struck his cheek fair and full with the back of my right hand.
"Your answer, dog," I cried.
With an angry indrawing of his breath he turned to me, and his right
hand felt for his sword. It was half out of the scabbard when I plucked
my bayonet from its sheath, and driving it straight forward I pierced
his right arm as it lay across his body. He did not let go his hold of
the sword hilt in spite of the wound, but drew the sword and raised it
to cut me down. As his right arm went up I pushed it back with my left
hand and, coming to close quarters, plunged my bayonet into his body.
He reeled, and again I drove my weapon home. He staggered away from me,
and before I could get close enough to repeat the thrust fell heavily
upon his back. He lay quite still. I mechanically wiped my bayonet
clean, and then said to Giulia:
"I could not help it; he would have killed me if he could."
Giulia said nothing, but when I had put up my side-arm she came to
me and, putting her dear arms round my neck, wept bitter tears of
anticipation upon my breast.
There was nothing to be done except to go back to camp and wait for
what might happen. Neither of us spoke of the result that each
felt was certain. Though we were resolved to say nothing about the
affair yet we made no attempt to divert suspicion from ourselves. The
half-smoked cigarettes, the half-empty bottle, the paper and twine of
the parcel, all were left behind in close proximity to the body of the
adjutant. As we walked slowly back Giulia suddenly halted and faced me.
"They will kill you," she said.
"I think so," I answered.
"And I, I will not live when you are gone."
I pleaded with her for her own life. I used all the arguments I could
think of about the wickedness of self-destruction; nought was of avail.
"But, carissima mia, your father was killed in battle, and your mother,
who loved him fondly, did not kill herself."
"Ah, mon Jean, I was born at the time. Her baby made her live."
"And Giulia,"--I took her in my arms and kissed her,--"do you not
understand? Is it not so?" She broke down into a flood of tears.
"O Jean, Jean, I must live, I must live, even though one half of my
life goes out with you."
I caressed and comforted her--we were in full view of the gate, but we
minded not. She grew calm at last, and looked at me with a new look
in her eyes--a look that I had seen but once before, when the English
corporal had called her madame, but then it meant rather bashful hope
and half-afraid longing, now it showed knowledge and certainty and free
confession.
"I am very happy now," I told her as we approached the gate where the
men relieved from duty as sentinels were standing. "I care not now
what may happen to myself, and for you half, and more than half, of
my anxiety has left me. There is only, one thing that I must do now,
I must look for Père Michel at once. You will go to your quarters; he
will come with me there. Tell the sergeant and his wife to expect us.
Do not be afraid, they will not be surprised."
Giulia said nothing in reply; a closer clinging to my arm, one quick
glance, a sudden heaving of the breast, these told me more than any
words could tell.
We separated just inside the gate, Giulia going at once to her
quarters, while I went towards the officers' building to find the
chaplain. I saw him at once, and told him the more important facts on
the spot; he shook his head, and told me that there was but one way
to make reparation. He said that Giulia and I should both confess our
sins, but I said:
"No; marry us now or marry us never."
Anxious to do his best, and knowing full well that many in the
battalion were worse than I--he did not know about the adjutant's fate
at the time, as I took care to keep that to myself--he yielded to my
entreaties and went with me to the canteen. There we were married,
the sergeant and his wife acting as witnesses. The good priest, he
was a good and brave man, gave us some advice; he told us that he
would always remember us in his prayers, and went away. Then the
sergeant said: "I suppose there will be great rejoicing in the camp
this evening," and looked astonished when Giulia utterly broke down.
His wife drew him away, and we were alone together, the most utterly
wretched bride and bridegroom that the world has ever seen. Giulia said
to me:
"You are mine, all mine now; when they seek you they must find you
here." I dreaded the effect of my arrest in her presence, but she
insisted.
"I will show good courage, I will not give way to grief," she answered.
"You shall see, and you shall not be ashamed."
After that we sat together on the side of the little bed. We said
little, but our hearts were bursting; there had never been so perfect,
so complete, so unutterable a sympathy between us. We knew then, as
we never did, and never could, know before, the intense sweetness of
love, which only exquisite anguish can bring forth.
After some time--I know not, nor shall ever know, how long--we heard
the dull sound of a rifle butt upon the door below. It was quickly
opened, and through the raised window we heard the words: "Is
Mademoiselle Julie within?"
"No; but Madame Julie is," replied the sergeant, with a laugh.
"Is she alone?"
"No; her husband is with her."
"Ah, we want him; we must enter."
Giulia pressed more closely to my side. In a moment the rifle butt
sounded on our door. "Entrez," I called out. The door was flung open
and a sergeant appeared, two soldiers peering curiously over his
shoulders.
"You are my prisoner."
"Very well, my sergeant; pardon me for a moment."
Then to Giulia: "My darling, I must obey orders."
Giulia said nothing. I kissed her, said: "Be of good courage," and
walked to the door.
As the soldiers placed themselves one at each side I heard a loud cry.
I would have turned back, but I was pushed headlong down the stairs.
There was no use in resisting, so I went quietly to the guard-house,
with an awful fear at my heart for my poor love in her agony and
loneliness. As I entered the prison I heard a legionary of the guard
say to his comrades:
"I knew how it would be; yes, long ago."
That night I slept little. The hard plank was nothing, I was used to
that; the death of the adjutant was nothing in itself, for had he not
deserved it? Its consequences, as far as they affected me, I could take
without flinching, but the thought of Giulia, of her future, in which
nought was certain save hopelessness and the sense of utter loss, made
me wakeful and anxious through the silent hours. Three legionaries
confined for some offence were my companions in the cell. They knew
nothing of the affair, and when I was suddenly pushed through the
door by the sergeant of the guard, these men eagerly asked what new
misfortune was mine.
"Can you not guess?" I answered.
They looked at one another, the same thought was in the minds of all.
The Sicilian said:
"You have done it! Yes, I knew you would. I am glad that he is gone,
yet I am sorry for you, and still more sorry--" He stopped and shook
his head.
"Yes," said a Pole; "that is the way, it is the woman always that
suffers most."
The third, a Frenchman by birth, who found it better to be a Lorrainer
in the Legion than to serve in his proper regiment in France, was the
last to speak.
"It is done now, and we shall all be grieved at the loss of a good
comrade, but the battalion will be happy once more. I salute," he
continued, taking off his kepi, "the hero who has freed us from
slavery."
We were silent for a time. Then the Frenchman asked me how it happened.
"I struck him, he drew his sword, and then I gave him my bayonet, voilà
tout!"
"How often?"
"Three times."
"Very well," said the Sicilian; "then it must be all right. It is all
right; the battalion must have a new adjutant now."
I refused my soup when it came and the Frenchman offered me his.
"If I cannot take my own, why yours?" I asked angrily.
"Mine is not soup, it is something better." It was, and I gladly took
it. He had wine instead of soup. This was wrong, but a good comrade who
has money can do a kindness to a prisoner. But he must be a very good
comrade, and he must have more than enough to buy the wine.
They saw that I was disinclined for much speaking, and they went away
to the other end of the cell. There they spoke and gesticulated freely.
Yet very seldom did a word reach me; their voices were low, their heads
close together, but I noted, half abstractedly as it were, the quick
action of the shoulders, the eager motion of the hands. After some time
they stopped the conversation and sat or lay down on the rough planks
that served for beds. No other prisoners came in that night; sergeants
and corporals were not thinking of making arrests, and the soldiers
were too busy talking about the affair to quarrel. Yet there were many
besides Giulia and me who were sorry for what would surely happen: the
quick court-martial, and then the volley at the open grave.