THE WENDERHOLME COACH.
The distance from Wenderholme to Sootythorn was rather inconveniently
great, being about twenty miles; and as there was no railway in that
direction, the Colonel determined to set up a four-in-hand, which he
facetiously entitled "The Wenderholme Coach." The immediate purpose of
the Wenderholme coach was to enable the officers to enjoy more
frequently the hospitalities of the Hall; but it may be admitted that
John Stanburne had a natural gift for driving, and also a cultivated
taste for that amusement, which may have had their influence in deciding
him to add this item to his establishment. He had driven his tandem so
long now, that, though it was still very agreeable to him, it no longer
offered any excitement; but his experience of a four-in-hand was much
more limited, and it therefore presented many of the allurements of
novelty. Nothing is more agreeable than a perfect harmony between our
duties towards others and our private tastes and predilections. It was
clearly a duty to offer hospitality to the officers; and the hospitality
would be so much more graceful if Wenderholme were brought nearer to
Sootythorn by a capacious conveyance travelling at high speed, and with
the style befitting a company of officers and gentlemen. At the same
time, when John Stanburne imagined the charms of driving a four-in-hand,
his fingers tingled with anticipations of their delight in holding "the
ribbons." Like all men of a perfectly healthy nature, he still retained
a great deal of the boy (alas for him whose boyhood is at an end for
ever!), and he was still capable of joyously anticipating a new
pleasure. The _idea_ of the four-in-hand was not new to him. He had long
secretly aspired to its realization, but then Lady Helena (who had not
the sacred fire) was not likely to see the thing quite in the same
light. John Stanburne had never precisely consulted her upon the
subject--he had never even gone so far as to say that he should like a
four-in-hand if he could afford it; but he had expatiated on the
delights of driving other people's teams, and his enthusiasm had met
with no answering warmth in Helena's unresponsive breast. She had known
for years that her husband had a hankering after a four-in-hand, and had
discouraged it in her own way--namely, by steadily avoiding the least
expression (even of simple politeness) which might be construed into
approbation. In this negative way, without once speaking openly about
the matter, she had clearly conveyed to the Colonel's mind her opinion
thereupon. The reader, no doubt, approves her ladyship's wisdom and
economy. But Lady Helena was not on all points wise and economical. Her
qualities of this order shone most conspicuously with reference to
pleasures which she did not personally appreciate. It is with sins of
extravagance as with most other sins--we compound for those which we're
inclined to by condemning those that we've no mind to. On the other
hand, it may most reasonably be argued, in favor of her ladyship and
other good women who criticise their husbands' expenditure on this
excellent old principle, that if they not only encouraged the outlay
which procures them the things they like, but also outlay for things
they are indifferent about, the general household expenditure would be
ruinously augmented.
The Colonel's manner of proceeding about the four-in-hand was
characteristic of a husband in his peculiar position. He knew by
experience the strength of the _fait accompli_. He wrote privily to a
knowing friend of his who was spending the pleasant month of May amidst
the joys of the London season, to purchase for him at once the
commodious vehicle destined to become afterwards famous as the
Wenderholme coach. He wrote for it on that Monday evening when Alice
Stedman returned from her interrupted visit to Whittlecup; and as it was
sent down on a truck attached to a passenger train, it arrived at the
Sootythorn station within forty-eight hours of the writing of the
letter, and was brought to the Thorn Inn by two of Mr. Garley's hacks.
The officers turned out to look at it after mess, and as it was known to
have been selected by a man of high repute in the sporting world, its
merits were unanimously allowed. There was a complete set of
silver-mounted harness for four horses in the boot, carefully wrapped up
in three sorts of paper; and London celerity had even found time to
emblazon the Stanburne arms on the panels. It is true that they were
exceedingly simple, like the arms of most old families, and the painter
had omitted to impale them with the bearings of her ladyship--an
accident which might also be considered ominous under the circumstances,
since it seemed to imply that in this extravagance of the Colonel's his
wife had no part nor lot.
As the mess was just over when the coach entered Mr. Garley's yard, the
Colonel, with the boyish impulsiveness which he did not attempt to
conceal, said, "Let's have a drive in the Wenderholme coach! Where shall
we go to? Let's go and look up Lieutenant Ogden at Whittlecup, and see
what he's doing!" So the two tandem horses and two of Mr. Garley's hacks
were clothed in the splendors of the new harness, and attached to the
great vehicle, whilst a dozen officers mounted to the lofty outside
places. They wore the mess costume (red shell-jacket, &c.), and looked
something like a lot of scarlet geraniums on the top of a
horticulturist's van.
Just as they were starting, and as the Colonel was beginning to feel his
reins properly, a youthful lieutenant who possessed a cornet-à-piston,
and had privily carried it with him as he climbed to his place behind,
filled the streets of Sootythorn with triumphant trumpet-notes. The
sound caused many of the inhabitants to come to their windows, and
amongst others Miss Mellor and her friend, Mrs. Ogden, who had been
drinking tea with her that evening. "Why," said Miss Mellor, "it's a new
coach!" "And it's boun' to'rd Whittlecup, I declare," added Mrs. Ogden.
She had already put her things on, intending to walk back to Whittlecup
with little Jacob in the cool of the evening, for it was quite contrary
to Mrs. Ogden's character (at once courageous and economical) to hire a
fly for so short a distance as four miles. But when she saw the coach,
it occurred to her that here was a golden mean betwixt the extravagance
of fly-hiring and the fatigues of pedestrianism; so she clapped little
Jacob's cap on his head (in a manner unsatisfactory to that young
gentleman, for nobody can put a boy's cap on to suit him except
himself), and dragged him out at the front door, hardly taking time to
say good night to the worthy lady by whom she had just been so
hospitably entertained.
When the Colonel saw Mrs. Ogden making signs with her parasol, he
recognized her at once, and good-naturedly drew up his horses that she
might get inside. Fyser got down to open the door, and the following
conversation, which was clearly overheard by several of the officers,
and partially by the Colonel himself, took place between Fyser and Mrs.
Ogden.
"Is this Whittlecup coach?"
"Yes, mum."
"Is there room inside for me and this 'ere little lad?"
"Plenty of room, mum. Step in, please; the horses is waitin'."
"Stop a bit. What's the fare as far as Whittlecup?"
"One shilling, mum," said Fyser, who ventured thus far, from his
knowledge of the Colonel's indulgent disposition when a joke was in the
wind.
"The childt'll be half-price?" said Mrs. Ogden, mixing the affirmative
with the interrogative.
"Very well, mum," said Fyser, and shut the door on Mrs. Ogden and little
Jacob.
The Colonel, since the box-seat was on the other side of the vehicle,
had not heard the whole of this colloquy; and when it was reported to
him amidst roars of laughter, he looked rather graver than was expected.
"It's a good joke, gentlemen," he said, "but there is one little matter
I must explain to you. Our inside passenger is the mother of one of our
brother officers, Lieutenant Ogden, who is commanding number six company
at Whittlecup, and the little boy with her is his son; so please be very
careful never to allude to this little incident in his presence, you
understand."
Meanwhile Mrs. Ogden found the Whittlecup coach comfortable in a supreme
degree. "They've rare good coaches about Sootythorn," she said to little
Jacob; "this is as soft as soft--it's same as sittin' on a
feather-bedd." A few minutes later she continued: "Th' outside
passengers is mostly soldiers[17] by what I can see. They're 'appen some
o' your father's men as are boun' back to Whittlecup."
In less than half an hour the Colonel drew up in the market-place at
Whittlecup, at the sign of the Blue Bell. He handed the reins to his
neighbor on the box, and descended with great alacrity. Fyser had just
opened the door when the Colonel arrived in time to help Mrs. Ogden
politely as she got out.
"It's eighteenpence," she said, and handed him the money. The Colonel
had thrown his gray cloak over his shell-jacket, and, to a person with
Mrs. Ogden's habits of observation, or non-observation, looked
sufficiently like a coachman. He thought it best to take the money, to
prevent an explanation in the presence of so many witnesses. So he
politely touched his cap, and thanked her. It being already dusk, she
did not recognize him. Suddenly the love of a joke prevailed over other
considerations, and the Colonel, imitating the cabman's gesture,
contemplated the three sixpences in his open hand by the light of the
lamp, and said, "Is there nothing for the coachman, mum?" The lamplight
fell upon his features, and Mrs. Ogden recognized him at once; so did
little Jacob. Her way of taking the discovery marked her characteristic
self-possession. She blundered into no apologies; but, fixing her stony
gray eyes full on the Colonel's face, she said, "I think you want no
sixpences; Stanburnes o' Wendrum Hall doesn't use wantin' sixpences.
Give me my eighteenpence back." Then, suddenly changing her resolution,
she said, "Nay, I willn't have them three sixpences back again; it's
worth eighteenpence to be able to tell folk that Colonel Stanburne of
Wenderholme Hall took money for lettin' an old lady ride in his
carriage." She said this with real dignity, and taking little Jacob by
the hand, moved off with a steady step towards her lodging over the
shoemaker's shop.