‘While my music and my arithmetic were thus in some sort confusing my
brain, I became not only ashamed of, but alarmed at myself; for being
occasionally sent on errands, I found my memory absent, and made several
blunders, a thing to which I had been wholly unaccustomed. One day, when
John Watson was at home, I was sent only for two things, and forgot one
of them, at which I heard him exclaim, without any reproach,—“God bless
me, what is come to the boy!” This startled me a little. As however I
remember nothing more of the paroxysm, it could not have lasted very
long.
‘My father did not continue long at his trade, and was obliged to seek
some other mode of subsistence. For some months during the middle part
of the time that I remained as a stable-boy, he had the office at an inn
of fetching and carrying the Royston mail; and being afterwards tired of
this, he quitted Newmarket for London, leaving me once more with much
good advice, and no small degree of regret. I loved my father, and knew
his intentions were honest: but almost from infancy, I was aware they
were not wise.
‘I suppose that that property of the mind, which creates certain
indistinct forms and imaginary lines in the clear and visible
appearances of things, is common to every person of a lively and active
fancy, for I have it still; and now that I am old, much more in sickness
than in health. I recollect an instance of this, which occurred about
the time I am speaking of. The cowardly boys made bargains with each
other to go in pairs, when their business called them to different parts
of the yard and out-houses after it was dark: I determined always to go
by myself. One evening, intending to fetch some hay from a hay-loft, as
I was mounting the ladder, an object presented itself, that instantly
stopped me. It was a clear moon-light night, and I beheld the perfect
face of a man extended on the hay. He must be a stranger, and might be a
robber, or person of evil intentions. I had no idea of a ghost; and
though alarmed, I reasoned on probabilities. The more I looked, the more
thoroughly I was convinced I saw a real face. Still I continued to
reason. I was half way up the ladder. If I returned, I must either
fabricate a falsehood, or openly declare why, and this would have been
cause of triumph to those whose actions betrayed their fears, and of the
greater disgrace to me for having assumed a superiority. The man might
be a beggar, who had only obtained entrance by some means, that he might
rest comfortably: and even if his designs were wicked, they could not be
against me, for I had little to lose: so that at last I determined to
proceed. As I have said, the light of the moon was bright: it shone into
the loft through the holes and crevices of a side hanging door; and I
had mounted three steps higher, before the vision totally disappeared,
and was replaced by the rude and unmeaning lines of reality. No man was
there, consequently no man’s face could be seen. This incident was a
wholesome lesson: it taught me to think much on the facility with which
the senses are deceived, and the folly with which they entertain fear.
‘The boys, who had paired off as mutual protectors to each other, had
left my name-sake Tom, being the odd one, without a mate, and as he was
much more remarkable for his cowardice than his valour, the best
expedient he could think of was to offer me a halfpenny a night if I
would go with him in the dark to get his hay. I believe nothing could
have made him stir from the fire-side on a winter night, but the fear of
neglecting his stable duties, which fear to all of us had something in
it that was almost sacred. We had at this time in the stables a very
beautiful male tabby cat, as remarkable for his familiarity with the
horses and boys, as for his fine colours, symmetry, and strength. He
would go through the stable night by night, and place himself on the
withers, first of this horse, then of the next, and there familiarly
take his sleep, till he had made the whole round. The boys had taught
him several tricks, which he very willingly repeated as often as they
gave the signal, without taking offence at the rogueries they
occasionally practised upon him; so that he was a general favourite with
every one, from John Watson even to Old Betty. One evening as I was
going with Tom to get his hay, and we approached the stable in which it
happened then to be kept, Tom leading the road (for cowards are always
desirous to convince themselves they are really valiant), a very sudden,
vehement, and discordant noise was heard; to listen to which, Tom’s
valour was wholly unequal. Flying from the stable, he was at the back
door of the house in a twinkling. I was paid for my courage: pride and
curiosity concurred to make me show it, and I remained firm at my post.
I stood still, while the noise at intervals was several times repeated.
It was the beginning of winter, and at one end of the stable a certain
quantity of autumn wheat was stowed. I recollected this circumstance,
and after considering some time, at length the truth struck me, and I
called, “Come along, Tom, it is the cat and the rats fighting, but they
will leave off when they hear us come into the stable.” We had neither
candle nor lanthorn. It was a maxim with John Watson to trust no such
things with boys, whose nightly duty it was to fetch trusses of straw
and armfuls of hay; but I entered the stable, gave Tom his hay, loaded
myself with my own, and confident in the valour of our favourite cat,
said to him—“We shall find a rare number of dead rats to-morrow, Tom.” I
knew not the power of numbers, nor the imbecility of an individual so
exposed. The next morning we found our hero lying dead in the stable,
with only three dead rats beside him. What the number of the wounded
was, must remain a secret to posterity: though of the value of this, and
other secrets of the same kind, I have often entertained my doubts.
‘John Watson remained a bachelor, and old Betty was the only female, at
least that I can recollect, in the family: she was very ignorant, and
very angry when boys durst contend with her age and experience, but we
did not greatly respect her anger. She was so strenuous an advocate for
goblins, apparitions, and especially witchcraft, that she did not in the
least scruple to affirm things the most extravagant. One of her
positions was, that unthinking old women with less courage and sagacity
than herself, were taken by surprise, and made witches against their
will. Imps of the devil came slily upon them, run up their clothes,
caught some part of the breast in their mouths, and made teat for
themselves. She provoked me very much, yet I could not help laughing;
while she, to prove the truth of what she said, affirmed, she had seen
them peeping out more than once; and that on a certain night, two of
them made a desperate attempt on her, which she could no otherwise
defeat, than by taking up first one, and then the other, with the tongs,
and throwing them both into the red hot part of the kitchen fire.
‘Stories like these are almost too ludicrous to be mentioned, but the
one I am going to relate, was at that time to me as tragical as any
thing that could happen to an individual.
‘Jack Clarke, now about eighteen, was spending his evening before nine
o’clock in his good-natured way among the boys of Lord March, who lived
opposite. One of them, (I forget his name), took down a fowling-piece
that was hanging over the kitchen chimney, and playing that trick which
has been so repeatedly, and in my opinion so strangely played, said,
“Now, Jack, I’ll shoot you.” As he spoke, he pulled the trigger, and the
distance between them being short, Clarke was shot on the left side of
his face, the middle half of which immediately became as frightful a
wound as perhaps was ever beheld. The lads of both stables were there
instantly: the grooms came the moment they could be found, and the
terror and distress of the scene were very great, for every body felt
kindness for Jack Clarke. Tom Watson was dispatched on horseback to
Cambridge in search of all the surgical and medical aid that could be
obtained; and such was his speed, that the surgeon, the doctor, and
himself, were back by midnight, and the medical men busy in probing,
inquiring, and consulting, while poor Clarke lay groaning, extended on
the bed of John Watson. The left cheek-bone, eye, and other parts, were
shattered past hope: the case was thought precarious, there was a bare
possibility that the patient, miserable as he was, and shocking to look
at, might survive. When the physician and surgeon had done all that they
could by dressing and giving orders, John Watson took them under his
care for the night. Whether he found beds and entertainment for them at
an inn, or at the house of a friend, I know not; but as I saw him no
more, I suppose he remained with them to keep them company, for such
scenes do not immediately dispose the mind to sleep. Among ourselves at
home, however, a very serious question arose, no less than that of, who
should sit up and watch with him all night? His sufferings were so
incessant, his groans so terrifying, and the wounds (by which the inside
of the head was made visible) had been so bloody, raw, and torn, being
at the same time most frightfully spread all round with gun-powder, and
black and red spots, that every person present frankly owned they durst
not stay alone all night with him in the same chamber. When it was
proposed to old Betty, she was in an agony. All the older boys expressed
the terror it would give them:—some sleep must be had, and it being
winter, the stables were to open before four. What, therefore, could be
done? I own I was almost like the rest, but I most truly pitied poor
Jack Clarke. I had always felt a kindness for him, and to see him
forsaken at so distressing a moment, left by himself in such a wretched
state, no one able to foresee what he might want, overcame me, and I
said, “Well, since nobody else will, I must!” Besides, by an action so
bold, performed by a boy at my age, I gained an undeniable superiority,
of which any one of the elder boys would have been proud.—The medical
men remained at Newmarket, or went and came as their business required,
while Jack Clarke continued under their hands. I was truly anxious for
his cure, though from what I had seen on the first night, and from my
ignorance in surgery, I had supposed such a thing impossible. I was
therefore surprised that he should seem at first to linger on, that
afterwards the wounds should fill up, and assume a less frightful
appearance, and that at length a perfect cure should be effected. It was
certainly thought to do great honour to Cambridge. The left eye was
lost, the appearance of the bones was disfigured, and the deep stain of
the gun-powder remained. But before I came away appearances varied, the
marks of the gun-powder became less; and when I left Newmarket, Jack
Clarke had been long restored to the stables, where he continued to
live, apparently in good health.