(_A FRAGMENT FROM THE VERY NEWEST "REPUBLIC."_)
_Thrasymachus-Shiptonides_ (_after introducing a Deputation_). What we
demand is a legal reduction of the hours of labour, and what we want
of you, SOCRATES, is your invaluable aid in getting it.
_Socrates_ (_smiling_). Most heartily do I wish you _may_ get it--in
both cases. But how say you; is the principle of permanence in a state
or community, or class, best effected by harmony, or as it were, unity
of action in all its members?
_All_ (_after looking at each other, and rubbing their chins_). How
not, SOCRATES?
_Socrates_ (_rubbing his hands_). Entirely so! And your class then are
unanimous in favour of a legal reduction of the hours of labour?
_Thrasymachus-Shiptonides_ (_bothered_). Well--ahem!--hardly so,
perhaps. But (_valiantly_), at least three-quarters of a million who
met in the Park gathering at sixteen platforms, were substantially
agreed.
_Socrates._ Humph! Over forty-six thousand to each platform. That's
a far greater number than even _I_ ever addressed. How did you count
them, or ascertain their views?
_Thrasymachus-Shiptonides_ (_flustered_). Well, I've had twenty years'
experience of mob-mustering, and I think I _ought_ to know.
_Polemarchus-Steadmanides._ But will you, SOCRATES, give us your
opinions of the opinion of these three-quarters of a million.
_Socrates_ (_laughing_). By Hercules! that were a task more tremendous
than all his Labours.
_Cephalus-Pearsonides_ (_aside_). By Vulcan, this is his wonted irony.
He never inclines to answer a question forthrightly, but to use irony,
or evasion, or what the Hibernians call "shenanigan," rather than
answer, if anyone asks him anything.
_Thrasymachus-Shiptonides_ (_aside, hastily_). Yes, yes! But you must
not tell him that, here and now!
_Socrates_ (_blandly_). Friends, as you suggest that the proceedings
should be of a conversational or dialectical nature, a plan which
falleth in with my views also, I will, if you please, catechise you
categorically, so as to get further into the interior of the question,
and of your--ahem!--minds.
_Of this catechising, the reporter gives the following condensed
summary._
Do you suggest that I should turn my back on myself? _No, that would
be rude._ Or give myself away? _Nay, that were--unthrifty._ Can two
solid things occupy the same space at the same time? _By Zeus, no!_
Home-Rule--a _very_ solid thing--fully occupies my mind--for the
present. When a Gladstone-bag is _full_, can you put more into it?
_By Mercury, no! But could you not reconsider the packing!_ Not if the
contents consist of _one_ article only. You would like me to pack it
with your Eight Hours' Bill? _Prodigiously! Your strong personality,
would push forward even a worse thing._ How near are you to unanimity?
_As near as considerable difference of opinion will allow us to come._
Is an unascertained minority to coerce an unwilling majority? _Our
Council has not discussed that?_ Do you know the relative proportions
of majority and majority in organised and unorganised trades; how
their respective opinions are to be ascertained, and, if ascertained,
how legally enforced; if, and how, two millions and a half are to
commit eleven millions to certain binding laws, and involve them in
legal consequences? _No! Yes! Hardly! Not quite! More or less! Well,
we're not quite sure, &c., &c._
_Socrates_ (_smiling_). Now, tell me, THRASYMACHUS, is _this_ the
"harmony, or, as it were, unity of action," on which only, as we
agreed, we could found "the principle of permanency in a state or
community?"
_Thrasymachus-Shiptonides_ (_hurriedly_). Well, what you say,
SOCRATES, is very nice, and clear, and logical, and conclusive,
in an argumentative sense, and your attitude is very noble and
high-and-mighty--I mean highminded and all that. And we're _very_
grateful--but deeply disappointed that you couldn't say something
quite different--_in view of the General Election, you know!_
(_Meaningly._)
_Socrates_ (_mildly, but firmly_). It is not my political duty to say
pleasant things all round, but to ascertain--and tell--the Truth.
_All_ (_deferentially_). Well, we are all _tremendously_ thankful!
(_aside_) for small mercies! Logic scores in argument, but votes tell
at the poll. And if we do not run at least a hundred Labour Candidates
to enlighten you as to our "unanimity," call us--items! [_Exeunt._
* * * * *
_Matinées_ of _Peril_ are advertised at the Haymarket. Most _Matinées_
deserve this description.
* * * * *