[Footnote 1: Rope]
[Footnote 2: a skilful servant]
[Footnote 3: I have]
[Footnote 4: Beauteous, and in first reprint.]
[Footnote 5: are]
[Footnote 6: Juvenal, viii, 73.]
* * * * *
No. 194. Friday, October 12, 1711. Steele.
'... Difficili Bile Tumet Jecur.'
Hor.
The present Paper shall consist of two Letters, which observe upon
Faults that are easily cured both in Love and Friendship. In the latter,
as far as it meerly regards Conversation, the Person who neglects
visiting an agreeable Friend is punished in the very Transgression; for
a good Companion is not found in every Room we go into. But the Case of
Love is of a more delicate Nature, and the Anxiety is inexpressible if
every little Instance of Kindness is not reciprocal. There are Things in
this Sort of Commerce which there are not Words to express, and a Man
may not possibly know how to represent, what yet may tear his Heart into
ten thousand Tortures. To be grave to a Man's Mirth, unattentive to his
Discourse, or to interrupt either with something that argues a
Disinclination to be entertained by him, has in it something so
disagreeable, that the utmost Steps which may be made in further Enmity
cannot give greater Torment. The gay _Corinna_, who sets up for an
Indifference and becoming Heedlessness, gives her Husband all the
Torment imaginable out of meer Insolence, with this peculiar Vanity,
that she is to look as gay as a Maid in the Character of a Wife. It is
no Matter what is the Reason of a Man's Grief, if it be heavy as it is.
Her unhappy Man is convinced that she means him no Dishonour, but pines
to Death because she will not have so much Deference to him as to avoid
the Appearances of it. The Author of the following Letter is perplexed
with an Injury that is in a Degree yet less criminal, and yet the Source
of the utmost Unhappiness.
_Mr._ SPECTATOR,
I have read your Papers which relate to Jealousy, and desire your
Advice in my Case, which you will say is not common. I have a Wife, of
whose Virtue I am not in the least doubtful; yet I cannot be satisfied
she loves me, which gives me as great Uneasiness as being faulty the
other Way would do. I know not whether I am not yet more miserable
than in that Case, for she keeps Possession of my Heart, without the
Return of hers. I would desire your Observations upon that Temper in
some Women, who will not condescend to convince their Husbands of
their Innocence or their Love, but are wholly negligent of what
Reflections the poor Men make upon their Conduct (so they cannot call
it Criminal,) when at the same time a little Tenderness of Behaviour,
or Regard to shew an Inclination to please them, would make them
Entirely at Ease. Do not such Women deserve all the Misinterpretation
which they neglect to avoid? Or are they not in the actual Practice of
Guilt, who care not whether they are thought guilty or not? If my Wife
does the most ordinary thing, as visiting her Sister, or taking the
Air with her Mother, it is always carried with the Air of a Secret:
Then she will sometimes tell a thing of no Consequence, as if it was
only Want of Memory made her conceal it before; and this only to dally
with my Anxiety. I have complained to her of this Behaviour in the
gentlest Terms imaginable, and beseeched her not to use him, who
desired only to live with her like an indulgent Friend, as the most
morose and unsociable Husband in the World. It is no easy Matter to
describe our Circumstance, but it is miserable with this Aggravation,
That it might be easily mended, and yet no Remedy endeavoured. She
reads you, and there is a Phrase or two in this Letter which she will
know came from me. If we enter into an Explanation which may tend to
our future Quiet by your Means, you shall have our joint Thanks: In
the mean time I am (as much as I can in this ambiguous Condition be
any thing) _SIR_,
_Your humble Servant_.
_Mr_. SPECTATOR,
'Give me Leave to make you a Present of a Character not yet described
in your Papers, which is that of a Man who treats his Friend with the
same odd Variety which a Fantastical Female Tyrant practises towards
her Lover. I have for some time had a Friendship with one of these
Mercurial Persons: The Rogue I know loves me, yet takes Advantage of
my Fondness for him to use me as he pleases. We are by Turns the best
Friends and the greatest Strangers imaginable; Sometimes you would
think us inseparable; at other Times he avoids me for a long Time, yet
neither he nor I know why. When we meet next by Chance, he is amazed
he has not seen me, is impatient for an Appointment the same Evening:
and when I expect he should have kept it, I have known him slip away
to another Place; where he has sat reading the News, when there is no
Post; smoaking his Pipe, which he seldom cares for; and staring about
him in Company with whom he has had nothing to do, as if he wondered
how he came there.
That I may state my Case to you the more fully, I shall transcribe
some short Minutes I have taken of him in my Almanack since last
Spring; for you must know there are certain Seasons of the Year,
according to which, I will not say our Friendship, but the Enjoyment
of it rises or falls. In _March_ and _April_ he was as various as the
Weather; In _May_ and part of _June_ I found him the sprightliest
best-humoured Fellow in the World; In the Dog-Days he was much upon
the Indolent; In _September_ very agreeable but very busy; and since
the Glass fell last to changeable, he has made three Appointments with
me, and broke them every one. However I have good Hopes of him this
Winter, especially if you will lend me your Assistance to reform him,
which will be a great Ease and Pleasure to,
_SIR_,
_Your most humble Servant_.
_October_ 9, 1711.