I shall this Day entertain my Readers with two or three Letters I have
received from my Correspondents: The first discovers to me a Species of
Females which have hitherto escaped my Notice, and is as follows.
_Mr_. SPECTATOR,
'I am a young Gentleman of a competent Fortune, and a sufficient Taste
of Learning, to spend five or six Hours every Day very agreeably among
my Books. That I might have nothing to divert me from my Studies, and
to avoid the Noises of Coaches and Chair-men, I have taken Lodgings in
a very narrow Street, not far from _Whitehall_; but it is my
Misfortune to be so posted, that my Lodgings are directly opposite to
those of a _Jezebel_. You are to know, Sir, that a _Jezebel_ (so
call'd by the Neighbourhood from displaying her pernicious Charms at
her Window) appears constantly dress'd at her Sash, and has a thousand
little Tricks and Fooleries to attract the Eyes of all the idle young
Fellows in the Neighbourhood. I have seen more than six Persons at
once from their several Windows observing the _Jezebel_ I am now
complaining of. I at first looked on her my self with the highest
Contempt, could divert my self with her Airs for half an Hour, and
afterwards take up my _Plutarch_ with great Tranquillity of Mind; but
was a little vexed to find that in less than a Month she had
considerably stoln upon my Time, so that I resolved to look at her no
more. But the _Jezebel_, who, as I suppose, might think it a
Diminution to her Honour, to have the Number of her Gazers lessen'd,
resolved not to part with me so, and began to play so many new Tricks
at her Window, that it was impossible for me to forbear observing her.
I verily believe she put her self to the Expence of a new Wax Baby on
purpose to plague me; she us'd to dandle and play with this Figure as
impertinently as if it had been a real Child: sometimes she would let
fall a Glove or a Pin Cushion in the Street, and shut or open her
Casement three or four times in a Minute. When I had almost wean'd my
self from this, she came in her Shift-Sleeves, and dress'd at the
Window. I had no Way left but to let down my Curtains, which I
submitted to, though it considerably darkned my Room, and was pleased
to think that I had at last got the better of her; but was surpriz'd
the next Morning to hear her talking out of her Window quite cross the
Street, with another Woman that lodges over me: I am since informed,
that she made her a Visit, and got acquainted with her within three
Hours after the Fall of my Window Curtains.
Sir, I am plagued every Moment in the Day one way or other in my own
Chambers; and the _Jezebel_ has the Satisfaction to know, that, tho' I
am not looking at her, I am list'ning to her impertinent Dialogues
that pass over my Head. I would immediately change my Lodgings, but
that I think it might look like a plain Confession that I am
conquer'd; and besides this, I am told that most Quarters of the Town
are infested with these Creatures. If they are so, I am sure 'tis such
an Abuse, as a Lover of Learning and Silence ought to take notice of.
_I am, SIR,_
_Yours, &c._'
I am afraid, by some Lines in this Letter, that my young Student is
touched with a Distemper which he hardly seems to dream of and is too
far gone in it to receive Advice. However, I shall animadvert in due
time on the Abuse which he mentions, having my self observed a Nest of
_Jezebels_ near the _Temple_, who make it their Diversion to draw up the
Eyes of young Templars, that at the same time they may see them stumble
in an unlucky Gutter which runs under the Window.
_Mr_. SPECTATOR,
'I have lately read the Conclusion of your forty-seventh Speculation
upon _Butts_ with great Pleasure, and have ever since been thoroughly
perswaded that one of those Gentlemen is extreamly necessary to
enliven Conversation. I had an Entertainment last Week upon the Water
for a Lady to whom I make my Addresses, with several of our Friends of
both Sexes. To divert the Company in general, and to shew my Mistress
in particular my Genius for Raillery, I took one of the most
celebrated _Butts_ in Town along with me. It is with the utmost Shame
and Confusion that I must acquaint you with the Sequel of my
Adventure: As soon as we were got into the Boat, I played a Sentence
or two at my _Butt_ which I thought very smart, when my ill Genius,
who I verily believe inspir'd him purely for my Destruction, suggested
to him such a Reply, as got all the Laughter on his Side. I was
clashed at so unexpected a Turn; which the _Butt_ perceiving, resolved
not to let me recover my self, and pursuing his Victory, rallied and
tossed me in a most unmerciful and barbarous manner 'till we came to
_Chelsea_. I had some small Success while we were eating Cheese-Cakes;
but coming Home, he renewed his Attacks with his former good Fortune,
and equal Diversion to the whole Company. In short, Sir, I must
ingenuously own that I was never so handled in all my Life; and to
compleat my Misfortune, I am since told that the _Butt_, flushed with
his late Victory, has made a Visit or two to the dear Object of my
Wishes, so that I am at once in danger of losing all my Pretensions to
Wit, and my Mistress [into [1]] the Bargain. This, Sir, is a true
Account of my present Troubles, which you are the more obliged to
assist me in, as you were your self in a great measure the Cause of
them, by recommending to us an Instrument, and not instructing us at
the same time how to play upon it.
I have been thinking whether it might not be highly convenient, that
all _Butts_ should wear an Inscription affixed to some Part of their
Bodies, shewing on which Side they are to be come at, and that if any
of them are Persons of unequal Tempers, there should be some Method
taken to inform the World at what Time it is safe to attack them, and
when you had best to let them alone. But, submitting these Matters to
your more serious Consideration,
_I am, SIR,_
_Yours, &c._'
I have, indeed, seen and heard of several young Gentlemen under the same
Misfortune with my present Correspondent. The best Rule I can lay down
for them to avoid the like Calamities for the future, is thoroughly to
consider not only _Whether their Companions are weak_, but _Whether
themselves are Wits_.
The following Letter comes to me from _Exeter_, and being credibly
informed that what it contains is Matter of Fact, I shall give it my
Reader as it was sent me.
_Mr_. SPECTATOR,
_Exeter, Sept_. 7.
'You were pleased in a late Speculation to take notice of the
Inconvenience we lie under in the Country, in not being able to keep
Pace with the Fashion: But there is another Misfortune which we are
subject to, and is no less grievous than the former, which has
hitherto escaped your Observation. I mean, the having Things palmed
upon us for _London_ Fashions, which were never once heard of there.
A Lady of this Place had some time since a Box of the newest Ribbons
sent down by the Coach: Whether it was her own malicious Invention, or
the Wantonness of a _London_ Milliner, I am not able to inform you;
but, among the rest, there was one Cherry-coloured Ribbon, consisting
of about half a Dozen Yards, made up in the Figure of a small
Head-Dress. The foresaid Lady had the Assurance to affirm, amidst a
Circle of Female Inquisitors, who were present at the opening of the
Box, that this was the newest Fashion worn at Court. Accordingly the
next _Sunday_ we had several Females, who came to Church with their
Heads dress'd wholly in Ribbons, and looked like so many Victims ready
to be Sacrificed. This is still a reigning Mode among us. At the same
time we have a Set of Gentlemen who take the Liberty to appear in all
Publick Places without any Buttons to their Coats, which they supply
with several little Silver Hasps, tho' our freshest Advices from
_London_ make no mention of any such Fashion; and we are something shy
of affording Matter to the Button-Makers for a second Petition. [2]
What I would humbly propose to the Publick is, that there may be a
Society erected in _London_, to consist of the most skilful Persons of
both Sexes, for the _Inspection of Modes and Fashions_; and that
hereafter no Person or Persons shall presume to appear singularly
habited in any Part of the Country, without a Testimonial from the
foresaid Society, that their Dress is answerable to the Mode at
_London_. By this means, Sir, we shall know a little whereabout we
are.
If you could bring this Matter to bear, you would very much oblige
great Numbers of your Country Friends, and among the rest,
_Your very Humble Servant_,
Jack Modish.