[Footnote 1: 'Miscellanies' by the late lord Marquis of Halifax (George
Saville, who died in 1695), 1704, pp. 18-31.]
[Footnote 2:
'When you are in company with that Soldier, behave as if you were
absent: but continue to love me by Day and by Night: want me; dream of
me; expect me; think of me; wish for me; delight in me: be wholly with
me: in short, be my very Soul, as I am yours.']
[Footnote 3: 'Ecclus'. ix. I.]
[Footnote 4: that]
[Footnote 5: that]
[Footnote 6: formerly]
[Footnote 7: that]
[Footnote 8: that]
* * * * *
No. 171. Saturday, Sept. 15, 1711. Addison.
'Credula res amor est ...'
Ovid. Met.
Having in my Yesterday's Paper discovered the Nature of Jealousie, and
pointed out the Persons who are most subject to it, I must here apply my
self to my fair Correspondents, who desire to live well with a Jealous
Husband, and to ease his Mind of its unjust Suspicions.
The first Rule I shall propose to be observed is, that you never seem to
dislike in another what the Jealous Man is himself guilty of, or to
admire any thing in which he himself does not excel. A Jealous Man is
very quick in his Applications, he knows how to find a double Edge in an
Invective, and to draw a Satyr on himself out of a Panegyrick on
another. He does not trouble himself to consider the Person, but to
direct the Character; and is secretly pleased or confounded as he finds
more or less of himself in it. The Commendation of any thing in another,
stirs up his Jealousy, as it shews you have a Value for others, besides
himself; but the Commendation of that which he himself wants, inflames
him more, as it shews that in some Respects you prefer others before
him. Jealousie is admirably described in this View by _Horace_ in his
Ode to _Lydia_ [; [1]]
_Quum tu, Lydia, Telephi
Cervicem roseam, et cerea Telephi
Laudas brachia, væ meum
Fervens difficili bile tumet jecur:
Tunc nec mens mihi, nec color
Certâ sede manet; humor et in genas
Furtim labitur, arguens
Quam lentis penitus macerer ignibus.
When_ Telephus _his youthful Charms,
His rosie Neck and winding Arms,
With endless Rapture you recite,
And in the pleasing Name delight;
My Heart, inflam'd by jealous Heats,
With numberless Resentments beats;
From my pale Cheek the Colour flies,
And all the Man within me dies:
By Turns my hidden Grief appears
In rising Sighs and falling Tears,
That shew too well the warm Desires,
The silent, slow, consuming Fires,
Which on my inmost Vitals prey,
And melt my very Soul away_.
The Jealous Man is not indeed angry if you dislike another, but if you
find those Faults which are to be found in his own Character, you
discover not only your Dislike of another, but of himself. In short, he
is so desirous of ingrossing all your Love, that he is grieved at the
want of any Charm, which he believes has Power to raise it; and if he
finds by your Censures on others, that he is not so agreeable in your
Opinion as he might be, he naturally concludes you could love him better
if he had other Qualifications, and that by Consequence your Affection
does not rise so high as he thinks it ought. If therefore his Temper be
grave or sullen, you must not be too much pleased with a Jest, or
transported with any thing that is gay and diverting. If his Beauty be
none of the best, you must be a professed Admirer of Prudence, or any
other Quality he is Master of, or at least vain enough to think he is.
In the next place, you must be sure to be free and open in your
Conversation with him, and to let in Light upon your Actions, to unravel
all your Designs, and discover every Secret however trifling or
indifferent. A jealous Husband has a particular Aversion to Winks and
Whispers, and if he does not see to the Bottom of every thing, will be
sure to go beyond it in his Fears and Suspicions. He will always expect
to be your chief Confident, and where he finds himself kept out of a
Secret, will believe there is more in it than there should be. And here
it is of great concern, that you preserve the Character of your
Sincerity uniform and of a piece: for if he once finds a false Gloss put
upon any single Action, he quickly suspects all the rest; his working
Imagination immediately takes a false Hint, and runs off with it into
several remote Consequences, till he has proved very ingenious in
working out his own Misery.
If both these Methods fail, the best way will be to let him see you are
much cast down and afflicted for the ill Opinion he entertains of you,
and the Disquietudes he himself suffers for your Sake. There are many
who take a kind of barbarous Pleasure in the Jealousy of those [who [2]]
love them, that insult over an aking Heart, and triumph in their Charms
which are able to excite so much Uneasiness.
'Ardeat ipsa licet tormentis gaudet amantis'.
Juv.
But these often carry the Humour so far, till their affected Coldness
and Indifference quite kills all the Fondness of a Lover, and are then
sure to meet in their Turn with all the Contempt and Scorn that is due
to so insolent a Behaviour. On the contrary, it is very probable a
melancholy, dejected Carriage, the usual effects of injured Innocence,
may soften the jealous Husband into Pity, make him sensible of the Wrong
he does you, and work out of his Mind all those Fears and Suspicions
that make you both unhappy. At least it will have this good Effect, that
he will keep his Jealousy to himself, and repine in private, either
because he is sensible it is a Weakness, and will therefore hide it from
your Knowledge, or because he will be apt to fear some ill Effect it may
produce, in cooling your Love towards him, or diverting it to another.
There is still another Secret that can never fail, if you can once get
it believ'd, and what is often practis'd by Women of greater Cunning
than Virtue: This is to change Sides for a while with the jealous Man,
and to turn his own Passion upon himself; to take some Occasion of
growing Jealous of him, and to follow the Example he himself hath set
you. This Counterfeited Jealousy will bring him a great deal of
Pleasure, if he thinks it real; for he knows experimentally how much
Love goes along with [this Passion, [3]] and will [besides feel [4]]
something like the Satisfaction of a Revenge, in seeing you undergo all
his own Tortures. But this, indeed, is an Artifice so difficult, and at
the same time so dis-ingenuous, that it ought never to be put in
Practice, but by such as have Skill enough to cover the Deceit, and
Innocence to render it excusable.
I shall conclude this Essay with the Story of _Herod_ and _Mariamne_, as
I have collected it out of _Josephus_; [5] which may serve almost as an
Example to whatever can be said on this Subject.
_Mariamne_ had all the Charms that Beauty, Birth, Wit and Youth could
give a Woman, and _Herod_ all the Love that such Charms are able to
raise in a warm and amorous Disposition. In the midst of this his
Fondness for _Mariamne_, he put her Brother to Death, as he did her
Father not many Years after. The Barbarity of the Action was represented
to _Mark Antony_, who immediately summoned _Herod_ into _Egypt_, to
answer for the Crime that was there laid to his Charge. _Herod_
attributed the Summons to _Antony's_ Desire of _Mariamne_, whom
therefore, before his Departure, he gave into the Custody of his Uncle
_Joseph_, with private Orders to put her to Death, if any such Violence
was offered to himself. This _Joseph_ was much delighted with
_Mariamne's_ Conversation, and endeavoured, with all his Art and
Rhetorick, to set out the Excess of _Herod's_ Passion for her; but when
he still found her Cold and Incredulous, he inconsiderately told her, as
a certain Instance of her Lord's Affection, the private Orders he had
left behind him, which plainly shewed, according to _Joseph's_
Interpretation, that he could neither Live nor Die without her. This
Barbarous Instance of a wild unreasonable Passion quite put out, for a
time, those little Remains of Affection she still had for her Lord: Her
Thoughts were so wholly taken up with the Cruelty of his Orders, that
she could not consider the Kindness that produced them, and therefore
represented him in her Imagination, rather under the frightful Idea of a
Murderer than a Lover. _Herod_ was at length acquitted and dismissed by
_Mark Antony_, when his Soul was all in Flames for his _Mariamne_; but
before their Meeting, he was not a little alarm'd at the Report he had
heard of his Uncle's Conversation and Familiarity with her in his
Absence. This therefore was the first Discourse he entertained her with,
in which she found it no easy matter to quiet his Suspicions. But at
last he appeared so well satisfied of her Innocence, that from
Reproaches and Wranglings he fell to Tears and Embraces. Both of them
wept very tenderly at their Reconciliation, and _Herod_ poured out his
whole Soul to her in the warmest Protestations of Love and Constancy:
when amidst all his Sighs and Languishings she asked him, whether the
private Orders he left with his Uncle _Joseph_ were an Instance of such
an inflamed Affection. The Jealous King was immediately roused at so
unexpected a Question, and concluded his Uncle must have been too
Familiar with her, before he would have discovered such a Secret. In
short, he put his Uncle to Death, and very difficultly prevailed upon
himself to spare _Mariamne_.
After this he was forced on a second Journey into _Egypt_, when he
committed his Lady to the Care of _Sohemus_, with the same private
Orders he had before given his Uncle, if any Mischief befel himself. In
the mean while _Mariamne_ so won upon _Sohemus_ by her Presents and
obliging Conversation, that she drew all the Secret from him, with which
_Herod_ had intrusted him; so that after his Return, when he flew to her
with all the Transports of Joy and Love, she received him coldly with
Sighs and Tears, and all the Marks of Indifference and Aversion. This
Reception so stirred up his Indignation, that he had certainly slain her
with his own Hands, had not he feared he himself should have become the
greater Sufferer by it. It was not long after this, when he had another
violent Return of Love upon him; _Mariamne_ was therefore sent for to
him, whom he endeavoured to soften and reconcile with all possible
conjugal Caresses and Endearments; but she declined his Embraces, and
answered all his Fondness with bitter Invectives for the Death of her
Father and her Brother. This Behaviour so incensed _Herod_, that he very
hardly refrained from striking her; when in the Heat of their Quarrel
there came in a Witness, suborn'd by some of _Mariamne's_ Enemies, who
accused her to the King of a Design to poison him. _Herod_ was now
prepared to hear any thing in her Prejudice, and immediately ordered her
Servant to be stretch'd upon the Rack; who in the Extremity of his
Tortures confest, that his Mistress's Aversion to the King arose from
[something [6]] _Sohemus_ had told her; but as for any Design of
poisoning, he utterly disowned the least Knowledge of it. This
Confession quickly proved fatal to _Sohemus_, who now lay under the same
Suspicions and Sentence that _Joseph_ had before him on the like
Occasion. Nor would _Herod_ rest here; but accused her with great
Vehemence of a Design upon his Life, and by his Authority with the
Judges had her publickly Condemned and Executed. _Herod_ soon after her
Death grew melancholy and dejected, retiring from the Publick
Administration of Affairs into a solitary Forest, and there abandoning
himself to all the black Considerations, which naturally arise from a
Passion made up of Love, Remorse, Pity and Despair, he used to rave for
his _Mariamne_, and to call upon her in his distracted Fits; and in all
probability would soon have followed her, had not his Thoughts been
seasonably called off from so sad an Object by Publick Storms, which at
that Time very nearly threatned him.