'_Fuit haud ignobilis Argis,
Qui se credebat miros audire tragoedos,
In vacuo lætus sessor plausorque theatro;
Cætera qui vitæ servaret munia recto
More; bonus sanè vicinus, amabilis hospes,
Comis in uxorem; posset qui ignoscere servis,
Et signo læso non insanire lagenæ;
Posset qui rupem et puteum vitare patentem.
Hic ubi cognatorum opibus curisque refectus
Expulit elleboro morbum bilemque meraco,
Et redit ad sese: Pol me occidistis, amici,
Non servastis, ait; cui sic extorta valuptas,
Et demptus per vim mentis gratissimus Error._'
Hor.
The unhappy Force of an Imagination, unguided by the Check of Reason and
Judgment, was the Subject of a former Speculation. My Reader may
remember that he has seen in one of my Papers a Complaint of an
Unfortunate Gentleman, who was unable to contain himself, (when any
ordinary matter was laid before him) from adding a few Circumstances to
enliven plain Narrative. That Correspondent was a Person of too warm a
Complexion to be satisfied with things merely as they stood in Nature,
and therefore formed Incidents which should have happened to have
pleased him in the Story. The same ungoverned Fancy which pushed that
Correspondent on, in spite of himself, to relate publick and notorious
Falsehoods, makes the Author of the following Letter do the same in
Private; one is a Prating, the other a Silent Liar.
There is little pursued in the Errors of either of these Worthies, but
mere present Amusement: But the Folly of him who lets his Fancy place
him in distant Scenes untroubled and uninterrupted, is very much
preferable to that of him who is ever forcing a Belief, and defending
his Untruths with new Inventions. But I shall hasten to let this Liar in
Soliloquy, who calls himself a CASTLE-BUILDER, describe himself with the
same Unreservedness as formerly appeared in my Correspondent
above-mentioned. If a Man were to be serious on this Subject, he might
give very grave Admonitions to those who are following any thing in this
Life, on which they think to place their Hearts, and tell them that they
are really CASTLE-BUILDERS. Fame, Glory, Wealth, Honour, have in the
Prospect pleasing Illusions; but they who come to possess any of them
will find they are Ingredients towards Happiness, to be regarded only in
the second Place; and that when they are valued in the first Degree,
they are as dis-appointing as any of the Phantoms in the following
Letter.
_Sept._ 6, 1711.
_Mr._ SPECTATOR,
'I am a Fellow of a very odd Frame of Mind, as you will find by the
Sequel; and think myself Fool enough to deserve a Place in your Paper.
I am unhappily far gone in Building, and am one of that Species of Men
who are properly denominated Castle-Builders, who scorn to be beholden
to the Earth for a Foundation, or dig in the Bowels of it for
Materials; but erect their Structures in the most unstable of
Elements, the Air, Fancy alone laying the Line, marking the Extent,
and shaping the Model. It would be difficult to enumerate what august
Palaces and stately Porticoes have grown under my forming Imagination,
or what verdant Meadows and shady Groves have started into Being, by
the powerful Feat of a warm Fancy. A Castle-builder is even just what
he pleases, and as such I have grasped imaginary Scepters, and
delivered uncontroulable Edicts, from a Throne to which conquered
Nations yielded Obeysance. I have made I know not how many Inroads
into _France_, and ravaged the very Heart of that Kingdom; I have
dined in the _Louvre_, and drank Champaign at _Versailles;_ and I
would have you take Notice, I am not only able to vanquish a People
already cowed and accustomed to Flight, but I could, _Almanzor_-like,
[1] drive the _British_ General from the Field, were I less a
Protestant, or had ever been affronted by the Confederates. There is
no Art or Profession, whose most celebrated Masters I have not
eclipsed. Where-ever I have afforded my Salutary Preference, Fevers
have ceased to burn, and Agues to shake the Human Fabrick. When an
Eloquent Fit has been upon me, an apt Gesture and proper Cadence has
animated each Sentence, and gazing Crowds have found their Passions
work'd up into Rage, or soothed into a Calm. I am short, and not very
well made; yet upon Sight of a fine Woman, I have stretched into
proper Stature, and killed with a good Air and Mein. These are the gay
Phantoms that dance before my waking Eyes and compose my Day-Dreams. I
should be the most contented happy Man alive, were the Chimerical
Happiness which springs from the Paintings of the Fancy less fleeting
and transitory. But alas! it is with Grief of Mind I tell you, the
least Breath of Wind has often demolished my magnificent Edifices,
swept away my Groves, and left no more Trace of them than if they had
never been. My Exchequer has sunk and vanished by a Rap on my Door,
the Salutation of a Friend has cost me a whole Continent, and in the
same Moment I have been pulled by the Sleeve, my Crown has fallen from
my Head. The ill Consequence of these Reveries is inconceivably great,
seeing the loss of imaginary Possessions makes Impressions of real
Woe. Besides, bad Oeconomy is visible and apparent in Builders of
invisible Mansions. My Tenant's Advertisements of Ruins and
Dilapidations often cast a Damp on my Spirits, even in the Instant
when the Sun, in all his Splendor, gilds my Eastern Palaces. Add to
this the pensive Drudgery in Building, and constant grasping Aerial
Trowels, distracts and shatters the Mind, and the fond Builder of
_Babells_ is often cursed with an incoherent Diversity and Confusion
of Thoughts. I do not know to whom I can more properly apply my self
for Relief from this Fantastical Evil, than to your self; whom I
earnestly implore to accommodate me with a Method how to settle my
Head and cool my Brain-pan. A Dissertation on Castle-Building may not
only be serviceable to my self, but all Architects, who display their
Skill in the thin Element. Such a Favour would oblige me to make my
next Soliloquy not contain the Praises of my dear Self but of the
SPECTATOR, who shall, by complying with this, make me.'
_His Obliged, Humble Servant._
Vitruvius.
[Footnote 1: "(unreadable on original page) in Dryden's 'Conquest of
Granada.'"]
* * * * *
No. 168. Wednesday, September 12, 1711. Steele.
'... _Pectus Præceptis format amicis_.'
Hor.
It would be Arrogance to neglect the Application of my Correspondents so
far as not sometimes to insert their Animadversions upon my Paper; that
of this Day shall be therefore wholly composed of the Hints which they
have sent me.
_Mr_. SPECTATOR,
I Send you this to congratulate your late Choice of a Subject, for
treating on which you deserve publick Thanks; I mean that on those
licensed Tyrants the Schoolmasters. If you can disarm them of their
Rods, you will certainly have your old Age reverenced by all the young
Gentlemen of _Great-Britain_ who are now between seven and seventeen
Years. You may boast that the incomparably wise _Quintilian_ and you
are of one Mind in this Particular.
'_Si cui est_ (says he) _mens tam illiberalis ut objurgatione non
corrigatur, is etiam ad plagas, ut pessimo quæque mancipia,
durabitur. [1]
If any Child be of so disingenuous a Nature, as not to stand
corrected by Reproof, he, like the very worst of Slaves, will be
hardned even against Blows themselves.'
And afterwards,
'Pudet dicere in quæ probra nefandi homines isto cædendi jure
abutantur_,
i. e. _I blush to say how shamefully those wicked Men abuse the
Power of Correction_.'
I was bred myself, Sir, in a very great School, of which the Master
was a _Welchman_, but certainly descended from a _Spanish_ Family, as
plainly appeared from his Temper as well as his Name. [2] I leave you
to judge what sort of a Schoolmaster a _Welchman_ ingrafted on a
_Spaniard_ would make. So very dreadful had he made himself to me,
that altho' it is above twenty Years since I felt his heavy Hand, yet
still once a Month at least I dream of him, so strong an Impression
did he make on my Mind. 'Tis a Sign he has fully terrified me waking,
who still continues to haunt me sleeping.
And yet I may say without Vanity, that the Business of the School was
what I did without great Difficulty; and I was not remarkably unlucky;
and yet such was the Master's Severity that once a Month, or oftner, I
suffered as much as would have satisfied the Law of the Land for a
_Petty Larceny_.
Many a white and tender Hand, which the fond Mother has passionately
kissed a thousand and a thousand times, have I seen whipped till it
was covered with Blood: perhaps for smiling, or for going a Yard and
half out of a Gate, or for writing an O for an A, or an A for an O:
These were our great Faults! Many a brave and noble Spirit has been
there broken; others have run from thence and were never heard of
afterwards.
It is a worthy Attempt to undertake the Cause of distrest Youth; and
it is a noble Piece of _Knight-Errantry_ to enter the Lists against so
many armed Pedagogues. 'Tis pity but we had a Set of Men, polite in
their Behaviour and Method of Teaching, who should be put into a
Condition of being above flattering or fearing the Parents of those
they instruct. We might then possibly see Learning become a Pleasure,
and Children delighting themselves in that which now they abhor for
coming upon such hard Terms to them: What would be a still greater
Happiness arising from the Care of such Instructors, would be, that we
should have no more Pedants, nor any bred to Learning who had not
Genius for it. I am, with the utmost Sincerity, _SIR, Your most
affectionate humble Servant_.
_Richmond, Sept._ 5_th_, 1711.
_Mr_. SPECTATOR,
I am a Boy of fourteen Years of Age, and have for this last Year been
under the Tuition of a Doctor of Divinity, who has taken the School of
this Place under his Care. [3] From the Gentleman's great Tenderness
to me and Friendship to my Father, I am very happy in learning my Book
with Pleasure. We never leave off our Diversions any farther than to
salute him at Hours of Play when he pleases to look on. It is
impossible for any of us to love our own Parents better than we do
him. He never gives any of us an harsh Word, and we think it the
greatest Punishment in the World when he will not speak to any of us.
My Brother and I are both together inditing this Letter: He is a Year
older than I am, but is now ready to break his Heart that the Doctor
has not taken any Notice of him these three Days. If you please to
print this he will see it, and, we hope, taking it for my Brother's
earnest Desire to be restored to his Favour, he will again smile upon
him.
_Your most obedient Servant_,
T. S.
_Mr_. SPECTATOR,
You have represented several sorts of _Impertinents_ singly, I wish
you would now proceed, and describe some of them in Sets. It often
happens in publick Assemblies, that a Party who came thither together,
or whose Impertinencies are of an equal Pitch, act in Concert, and are
so full of themselves as to give Disturbance to all that are about
them. Sometimes you have a Set of Whisperers, who lay their Heads
together in order to sacrifice every Body within their Observation;
sometimes a Set of Laughers, that keep up an insipid Mirth in their
own Corner, and by their Noise and Gestures shew they have no Respect
for the rest of the Company. You frequently meet with these Sets at
the Opera, the Play, the Water-works, [4] and other publick Meetings,
where their whole Business is to draw off the Attention of the
Spectators from the Entertainment, and to fix it upon themselves; and
it is to be observed that the Impertinence is ever loudest, when the
Set happens to be made up of three or four Females who have got what
you call a Woman's Man among them.
I am at a loss to know from whom People of Fortune should learn this
Behaviour, unless it be from the Footmen who keep their Places at a
new Play, and are often seen passing away their Time in Sets at
_All-fours_ in the Face of a full House, and with a perfect Disregard
to People of Quality sitting on each Side of them.
For preserving therefore the Decency of publick Assemblies, methinks
it would be but reasonable that those who Disturb others should pay at
least a double Price for their Places; or rather Women of Birth and
Distinction should be informed that a Levity of Behaviour in the Eyes
of People of Understanding degrades them below their meanest
Attendants; and Gentlemen should know that a fine Coat is a Livery,
when the Person who wears it discovers no higher Sense than that of a
Footman.
I am _SIR_,
_Your most humble Servant._
_Bedfordshire, Sept.._ 1, 1711
_Mr_. SPECTATOR,
I am one of those whom every Body calls a Pocher, and sometimes go out
to course with a Brace of Greyhounds, a Mastiff, and a Spaniel or two;
and when I am weary with Coursing, and have killed Hares enough, go to
an Ale-house to refresh my self. I beg the Favour of you (as you set
up for a Reformer) to send us Word how many Dogs you will allow us to
go with, how many Full-Pots of Ale to drink, and how many Hares to
kill in a Day, and you will do a great Piece of Service to all the
Sportsmen: Be quick then, for the Time of Coursing is come on.
_Yours in Haste_,
T. Isaac Hedgeditch.
[Footnote 1: 'Instit. Orat.' Bk. I. ch. 3.]
[Footnote 2: Dr. Charles Roderick, Head Master of Eton.]
[Footnote 3: Dr. Nicholas Brady, Tate's colleague in versification of
the Psalms. He was Rector of Clapham and Minister of Richmond, where he
had the school. He died in 1726, aged 67.]
[Footnote 4: The Water Theatre, invented by Mr. Winstanley, and
exhibited by his widow at the lower end of Piccadilly.]
* * * * *