[Footnote 1: Waller 'Of Love.']
* * * * *
No. 149. Tuesday, August 21, 1711. Steele.
'Cui in manu sit quem esse dementem velit,
Quem sapere, quem sanari, quem in morbum injici,
Quem contra amari, quem accersiri, quem expeti.'
Cæcil. apud Tull.
The following Letter and my Answer shall take up the present Speculation.
_Mr_. SPECTATOR,
'I am the young Widow of a Country Gentleman who has left me Entire
Mistress of a large Fortune, which he agreed to as an Equivalent for
the Difference in our Years. In these Circumstances it is not
extraordinary to have a Crowd of Admirers; which I have abridged in my
own Thoughts, and reduced to a couple of Candidates only, both young,
and neither of them disagreeable in their Persons; according to the
common way of computing, in one the Estate more than deserves my
Fortune, and in the other my Fortune more than deserves the Estate.
When I consider the first, I own I am so far a Woman I cannot avoid
being delighted with the Thoughts of living great; but then he seems
to receive such a Degree of Courage from the Knowledge of what he has,
he looks as if he was going to confer an Obligation on me; and the
Readiness he accosts me with, makes me jealous I am only hearing a
Repetition of the same things he has said to a hundred Women before.
When I consider the other, I see myself approached with so much
Modesty and Respect, and such a Doubt of himself, as betrays methinks
an Affection within, and a Belief at the same time that he himself
would be the only Gainer by my Consent. What an unexceptionable
Husband could I make out of both! but since that's impossible, I beg
to be concluded by your Opinion; it is absolutely in your Power to
dispose of
_Your most Obedient Servant_,
Sylvia.
_Madam_,
You do me great Honour in your Application to me on this important
Occasion; I shall therefore talk to you with the Tenderness of a
Father, in Gratitude for your giving me the Authority of one. You do
not seem to make any great Distinction between these Gentlemen as to
their Persons; the whole Question lies upon their Circumstances and
Behaviour; If the one is less respectful because he is rich, and the
other more obsequious because he is not so, they are in that Point
moved by the same Principle, the Consideration of Fortune, and you
must place them in each others Circumstances before you can judge of
their Inclination. To avoid Confusion in discussing this Point, I will
call the richer Man _Strephon_, and the other _Florio_. If you believe
_Florio_ with _Strephon's_ Estate would behave himself as he does now,
_Florio_ is certainly your Man; but if you think _Strephon_, were he
in _Florio's_ Condition, would be as obsequious as _Florio_ is now,
you ought for your own sake to choose _Strephon_; for where the Men
are equal, there is no doubt Riches ought to be a Reason for
Preference. After this manner, my dear Child, I would have you
abstract them from their Circumstances; for you are to take it for
granted, that he who is very humble only because he is poor, is the
very same Man in Nature with him who is haughty because he is rich.
When you have gone thus far, as to consider the Figure they make
towards you; you will please, my Dear, next to consider the Appearance
you make towards them. If they are Men of Discerning, they can observe
the Motives of your Heart; and _Florio_ can see when he is disregarded
only upon your Account of Fortune, which makes you to him a mercenary
Creature: and you are still the same thing to _Strephon_, in taking
him for his Wealth only: You are therefore to consider whether you had
rather oblige, than receive an Obligation.
The Marriage-Life is always an insipid, a vexatious, or an happy
Condition. The first is, when two People of no Genius or Taste for
themselves meet together, upon such a Settlement as has been thought
reasonable by Parents and Conveyancers from an exact Valuation of the
Land and Cash of both Parties: In this Case the young Lady's Person is
no more regarded, than the House and Improvements in Purchase of an
Estate: but she goes with her Fortune, rather than her Fortune with
her. These make up the Crowd or Vulgar of the Rich, and fill up the
Lumber of human Race, without Beneficence towards those below them, or
Respect towards those above them; and lead a despicable, independent
and useless Life, without Sense of the Laws of Kindness, Good-nature,
mutual Offices, and the elegant Satisfactions which flow from Reason
and Virtue.
The vexatious Life arises from a Conjunction of two People of quick
Taste and Resentment, put together for Reasons well known to their
Friends, in which especial Care is taken to avoid (what they think the
chief of Evils) Poverty, and insure to them Riches, with every Evil
besides. These good People live in a constant Constraint before
Company, and too great Familiarity alone; when they are within
Observation they fret at each other's Carriage and Behaviour; when
alone they revile each other's Person and Conduct: In Company they are
in a Purgatory, when only together in an Hell.
The happy Marriage is, where two Persons meet and voluntarily make
Choice of each other, without principally regarding or neglecting the
Circumstances of Fortune or Beauty. These may still love in spite of
Adversity or Sickness: The former we may in some measure defend our
selves from, the other is the Portion of our very Make. When you have
a true Notion of this sort of Passion, your Humour of living great
will vanish out of your Imagination, and you will find Love has
nothing to do with State. Solitude, with the Person beloved, has a
Pleasure, even in a Woman's Mind, beyond Show or Pomp. You are
therefore to consider which of your Lovers will like you best
undressed, which will bear with you most when out of Humour? and your
way to this is to ask your self, which of them you value most for his
own sake? and by that judge which gives the greater Instances of his
valuing you for your self only.
After you have expressed some Sense of the humble Approach of
_Florio_, and a little Disdain at _Strephon's_ Assurance in his
Address, you cry out, _What an unexceptionable Husband could I make
out of both?_ It would therefore methinks be a good way to determine
your self: Take him in whom what you like is not transferable to
another; for if you choose otherwise, there is no Hopes your Husband
will ever have what you liked in his Rival; but intrinsick Qualities
in one Man may very probably purchase every thing that is adventitious
in [another.[1]] In plainer Terms: he whom you take for his personal
Perfections will sooner arrive at the Gifts of Fortune, than he whom
you take for the sake of his Fortune attain to Personal Perfections.
If _Strephon_ is not as accomplished and agreeable as _Florio_,
Marriage to you will never make him so; but Marriage to you may make
_Florio_ as rich as _Strephon?_ Therefore to make a sure Purchase,
employ Fortune upon Certainties, but do not sacrifice Certainties to
Fortune.
_I am, Your most Obedient, Humble Servant_.