[Footnote 1: Bibliothecæ Historicæ, Lib. i. § 87.]
[Footnote 2: concerns to]
[Footnote 3: that]
* * * * *
No. 127. Thursday, July 26, 1711. Addison.
'Quantum est in rebus Inane?'
Pers.
It is our Custom at Sir ROGER'S, upon the coming in of the Post, to sit
about a Pot of Coffee, and hear the old Knight read _Dyer's_ Letter;
which he does with his Spectacles upon his Nose, and in an audible
Voice, smiling very often at those little Strokes of Satyr which are so
frequent in the Writings of that Author. I afterwards communicate to the
Knight such Packets as I receive under the Quality of SPECTATOR. The
following Letter chancing to please him more than ordinary, I shall
publish it at his Request.
_Mr_. SPECTATOR,
'You have diverted the Town almost a whole Month at the Expence of the
Country, it is now high time that you should give the Country their
Revenge. Since your withdrawing from this Place, the Fair Sex are run
into great Extravagancies. Their Petticoats, which began to heave and
swell before you left us, are now blown up into a most enormous
Concave, and rise every Day more and more: In short, Sir, since our
Women know themselves to be out of the Eye of the SPECTATOR, they will
be kept within no Compass. You praised them a little too soon, for the
Modesty of their Head-Dresses; for as the Humour of a sick Person is
often driven out of one Limb into another, their Superfluity of
Ornaments, instead of being entirely Banished, seems only fallen from
their Heads upon their lower Parts. What they have lost in Height they
make up in Breadth, and contrary to all Rules of Architecture widen
the Foundations at the same time that they shorten the Superstructure.
Were they, like _Spanish_ Jennets, to impregnate by the Wind, they
could not have thought on a more proper Invention. But as we do not
yet hear any particular Use in this Petticoat, or that it contains any
thing more than what was supposed to be in those of Scantier Make, we
are wonderfully at a loss about it.
The Women give out, in Defence of these wide Bottoms, that they are
Airy, and very proper for the Season; but this I look upon to be only
a Pretence, and a piece of Art, for it is well known we have not had a
more moderate Summer these many Years, so that it is certain the Heat
they complain of cannot be in the Weather: Besides, I would fain ask
these tender constitutioned Ladies, why they should require more
Cooling than their Mothers before them.
I find several Speculative Persons are of Opinion that our Sex has of
late Years been very sawcy, and that the Hoop Petticoat is made use of
to keep us at a Distance. It is most certain that a Woman's Honour
cannot be better entrenched than after this manner, in Circle within
Circle, amidst such a Variety of Out-works and Lines of
Circumvallation. A Female who is thus invested in Whale-Bone is
sufficiently secured against the Approaches of an ill-bred Fellow, who
might as well think of Sir _George Etherege_'s way of making Love in a
Tub, [1] as in the midst of so many Hoops.
Among these various Conjectures, there are Men of Superstitious
tempers, who look upon the Hoop Petticoat as a kind of Prodigy. Some
will have it that it portends the Downfal of the _French_ King, and
observe that the Farthingale appeared in _England _a little before the
Ruin of the _Spanish_ Monarchy. Others are of Opinion that it foretels
Battle and Bloodshed, and believe it of the same Prognostication as
the Tail of a Blazing Star. For my part, I am apt to think it is a
Sign that Multitudes are coming into the World rather than going out
of it.
The first time I saw a Lady dressed in one of these Petticoats, I
could not forbear blaming her in my own Thoughts for walking abroad
when she was _so near her Time_, but soon recovered myself out of my
Error, when I found all the Modish Part of the Sex as _far gone_ as
her self. It is generally thought some crafty Women have thus betrayed
their Companions into Hoops, that they might make them accessory to
their own Concealments, and by that means escape the Censure of the
World; as wary Generals have sometimes dressed two or three Dozen of
their Friends in their own Habit, that they might not draw upon
themselves any particular Attacks of the Enemy. The strutting
Petticoat smooths all Distinctions, levels the Mother with the
Daughter, and sets Maids and Matrons, Wives and Widows, upon the same
Bottom. In the mean while I cannot but be troubled to see so many
well-shaped innocent Virgins bloated up, and waddling up and down like
big-bellied Women.
Should this Fashion get among the ordinary People our publick Ways
would be so crowded that we should want Street-room. Several
Congregations of the best Fashion find themselves already very much
streightened, and if the Mode encrease I wish it may not drive many
ordinary Women into Meetings and Conventicles. Should our Sex at the
same time take it into their Heads to wear Trunk Breeches (as who
knows what their Indignation at this Female Treatment may drive them
to) a Man and his Wife would fill a whole Pew.
You know, Sir, it is recorded of Alexander the Great, [2] that in his
_Indian_ Expedition he buried several Suits of Armour, which by his
Direction were made much too big for any of his Soldiers, in order to
give Posterity an extraordinary Idea of him, and make them believe he
had commanded an Army of Giants. I am persuaded that if one of the
present Petticoats happen to be hung up in any Repository of
Curiosities, it will lead into the same Error the Generations that lie
some Removes from us: unless we can believe our Posterity will think
so disrespectfully of their Great Grand-Mothers, that they made
themselves Monstrous to appear Amiable.
When I survey this new-fashioned _Rotonda_ in all its Parts, I cannot
but think of the old Philosopher, who after having entered into an
_Egyptian_ Temple, and looked about for the Idol of the Place, at
length discovered a little Black Monkey Enshrined in the midst of it,
upon which he could not forbear crying out, (to the great Scandal of
the Worshippers) What a magnificent Palace is here for such a
Ridiculous Inhabitant!
Though you have taken a Resolution, in one of your Papers, to avoid
descending to Particularities of Dress, I believe you will not think
it below you, on so extraordinary an Occasion, to Unhoop the Fair Sex,
and cure this fashionable Tympany that is got among them. I am apt to
think the Petticoat will shrink of its own accord at your first coming
to Town; at least a Touch of your Pen will make it contract it self,
like the sensitive Plant, and by that means oblige several who are
either terrified or astonished at this portentous Novelty, and among
the rest,
_Your humble Servant, &c._