This honest Gentleman, who is so desirous that I should write a Satyr
upon Grooms, has a great deal of Reason for his Resentment; and I know
no Evil which touches all Mankind so much as this of the Misbehaviour of
Servants.
The Complaint of this Letter runs wholly upon Men-Servants; and I can
attribute the Licentiousness which has at present prevailed among them,
to nothing but what an hundred before me have ascribed it to, The Custom
of giving Board-Wages: This one Instance of false Oeconomy is sufficient
to debauch the whole Nation of Servants, and makes them as it were but
for some part of their Time in that Quality. They are either attending
in Places where they meet and run into Clubs, or else, if they wait at
Taverns, they eat after their Masters, and reserve their Wages for other
Occasions. From hence it arises, that they are but in a lower Degree
what their Masters themselves are; and usually affect an Imitation of
their Manners: And you have in Liveries, Beaux, Fops, and Coxcombs, in
as high Perfection as among People that keep Equipages. It is a common
Humour among the Retinue of People of Quality, when they are in their
Revels, that is when they are out of their Masters Sight, to assume in a
humourous Way the Names and Titles of those whose Liveries they wear. By
which means Characters and Distinctions become so familiar to them, that
it is to this, among other Causes, one may impute a certain Insolence
among our Servants, that they take no Notice of any Gentleman though
they know him ever so well, except he is an Acquaintance of their
Master's.
My Obscurity and Taciturnity leave me at Liberty, without Scandal, to
dine, if I think fit, at a common Ordinary, in the meanest as well as
the most sumptuous House of Entertainment. Falling in the other Day at a
Victualling-House near the House of Peers, I heard the Maid come down
and tell the Landlady at the Bar, That my Lord Bishop swore he would
throw her out [at [1]] Window, if she did not bring up more Mild Beer,
and that my Lord Duke would have a double Mug of Purle. My Surprize was
encreased, in hearing loud and rustick Voices speak and answer to each
other upon the publick Affairs, by the Names of the most Illustrious of
our Nobility; till of a sudden one came running in, and cry'd the House
was rising. Down came all the Company together, and away! The Alehouse
was immediately filled with Clamour, and scoring one Mug to the Marquis
of such a Place, Oyl and Vinegar to such an Earl, three Quarts to my new
Lord for wetting his Title, and so forth. It is a Thing too notorious to
mention the Crowds of Servants, and their Insolence, near the Courts of
Justice, and the Stairs towards the Supreme Assembly, where there is an
universal Mockery of all Order, such riotous Clamour and licentious
Confusion, that one would think the whole Nation lived in Jest, and
there were no such thing as Rule and Distinction among us.
The next Place of Resort, wherein the servile World are let loose, is at
the Entrance of _Hide-Park_, while the Gentry are at the Ring. Hither
People bring their Lacqueys out of State, and here it is that all they
say at their Tables, and act in their Houses, is communicated to the
whole Town. There are Men of Wit in all Conditions of Life; and mixing
with these People at their Diversions, I have heard Coquets and Prudes
as well rallied, and Insolence and Pride exposed, (allowing for their
want of Education) with as much Humour and good Sense, as in the
politest Companies. It is a general Observation, That all Dependants run
in some measure into the Manners and Behaviour of those whom they serve:
You shall frequently meet with Lovers and Men of Intrigue among the
Lacqueys, as well as at _White's_ [2] or in the Side-Boxes. I remember
some Years ago an Instance of this Kind. A Footman to a Captain of the
Guard used frequently, when his Master was out of the Way, to carry on
Amours and make Assignations in his Master's Cloaths. The Fellow had a
very good Person, and there are very many Women that think no further
than the Outside of a Gentleman: besides which, he was almost as learned
a Man as the Colonel himself: I say, thus qualified, the Fellow could
scrawl _Billets-doux_ so well, and furnish a Conversation on the common
Topicks, that he had, as they call it, a great deal of good Business on
his Hands. It happened one Day, that coming down a Tavern-Stairs in his
Master's fine Guard-Coat, with a well-dress'd Woman masked, he met the
Colonel coming up with other Company; but with a ready Assurance he
quitted his Lady, came up to him, and said, _Sir, I know you have too
much Respect for yourself to cane me in this honourable Habit: But you
see there is a Lady in the Case, and I hope on that Score also you will
put off your Anger till I have told you all another time._ After a
little Pause the Colonel cleared up his Countenance, and with an Air of
Familiarity whispered his Man apart, _Sirrah, bring the Lady with you to
ask Pardon for you;_ then aloud, _Look to it_, Will, _I'll never forgive
you else._ The Fellow went back to his Mistress, and telling her with a
loud Voice and an Oath, That was the honestest Fellow in the World,
convey'd her to an Hackney-Coach.
But the many Irregularities committed by Servants in the Places
above-mentioned, as well as in the Theatres, of which Masters are
generally the Occasions, are too various not to need being resumed on
another Occasion.