Sir _Roger de Coverly's_ Country Seat--Yes, for I hate long
Speeches--Query, if a good Christian may be a
Conjurer--_Childermas-day_, Saltseller, House-Dog, Screech-owl,
Cricket--Mr. _Thomas Inkle of London_, in the good Ship called _The
Achilles_. _Yarico--Ægrescitique medendo_--Ghosts--The Lady's
Library--Lion by Trade a Taylor--Dromedary called
_Bucephalus_--Equipage the Lady's _summum bonum_--_Charles Lillie_ to
be taken notice of [2]--Short Face a Relief to Envy--Redundancies in
the three Professions--King _Latinus_ a Recruit--Jew devouring an Ham
of Bacon--_Westminster Abbey_--_Grand Cairo_--Procrastination--_April_
Fools--Blue Boars, Red Lions, Hogs in Armour--Enter a King and two
Fidlers _solus_--Admission into the Ugly Club--Beauty, how
improveable--Families of true and false Humour--The Parrot's
School-Mistress--Face half _Pict_ half _British_--no Man to be an Hero
of Tragedy under Six foot--Club of Sighers--Letters from Flower-Pots,
Elbow-Chairs, Tapestry-Figures, Lion, Thunder--The Bell rings to the
Puppet-Show--Old-Woman with a Beard married to a smock-faced Boy--My
next Coat to be turned up with Blue--Fable of Tongs and
Gridiron--Flower Dyers--The Soldier's Prayer--Thank ye for nothing,
says the Gally-Pot--_Pactolus_ in Stockings, with golden Clocks to
them--Bamboos, Cudgels, Drumsticks--Slip of my Landlady's eldest
Daughter--The black Mare with a Star in her Forehead--The Barber's
Pole--WILL. HONEYCOMB'S Coat-pocket--_Cæsar's_ Behaviour and my own in
Parallel Circumstances--Poem in Patch-work--_Nulli gravis est
percussus Achilles_--The Female Conventicler--The Ogle Master.
The reading of this Paper made the whole Coffee-house very merry; some
of them concluded it was written by a Madman, and others by some Body
that had been taking Notes out of the Spectator. One who had the
Appearance of a very substantial Citizen, told us, with several politick
Winks and Nods, that he wished there was no more in the Paper than what
was expressed in it: That for his part, he looked upon the Dromedary,
the Gridiron, and the Barber's Pole, to signify something more than what
is usually meant by those Words; and that he thought the Coffee-man
could not do better than to carry the Paper to one of the Secretaries of
State. He further added, that he did not like the Name of the outlandish
Man with the golden Clock in his Stockings. A young [_Oxford_ Scholar
[3]], who chanced to be with his Uncle at the Coffee-house, discover'd
to us who this _Pactolus_ was; and by that means turned the whole Scheme
of this worthy Citizen into Ridicule. While they were making their
several Conjectures upon this innocent Paper, I reach'd out my Arm to
the Boy, as he was coming out of the Pulpit, to give it me; which he did
accordingly. This drew the Eyes of the whole Company upon me; but after
having cast a cursory Glance over it, and shook my Head twice or thrice
at the reading of it, I twisted it into a kind of Match, and litt my
Pipe with it. My profound Silence, together with the Steadiness of my
Countenance, and the Gravity of my Behaviour during this whole
Transaction, raised a very loud Laugh on all Sides of me; but as I had
escaped all Suspicion of being the Author, I was very well satisfied,
and applying myself to my Pipe, and the _Post-man_, took no [further]
Notice of any thing that passed about me.
My Reader will find, that I have already made use of above half the
Contents of the foregoing Paper; and will easily Suppose, that those
Subjects which are yet untouched were such Provisions as I had made for
his future Entertainment. But as I have been unluckily prevented by this
Accident, I shall only give him the Letters which relate to the two last
Hints. The first of them I should not have published, were I not
informed that there is many a Husband who suffers very much in his
private Affairs by the indiscreet Zeal of such a Partner as is hereafter
mentioned; to whom I may apply the barbarous Inscription quoted by the
Bishop of _Salisbury_ in his Travels; [4] _Dum nimia pia est, facta est
impia_.