(_By a Wilde Æsthete_)
THERE was once a maiden who loved a cheese;
_Sing, hey! potatoes and paint!_
She could eat a pound and a half with ease
_Oh, the odorous air was faint!_
What was the cheese that she loved the best?
_Sing, hey, red pepper and rags!_
You will find it out if you read the rest;
_Oh, the horrors of frowning crags!_
Came lovers to woo her from every land—
_Sing, hey! fried bacon and files!_
They asked for her heart, but they meant her hand,
_Oh, the joy of the Happy Isles._
A haughty old Don from Oporto came;
_Sing, hey! new carrots and nails!_
The Duke of GORGONZOLA, his famous name,
_Oh, the lusciously-scented gales!_
Lord STILTON belonged to a mighty line!
_Sing, hey! salt herrings and stones!_
He was “Blue” as chine—his taste divine!
_Oh, the sweetness of dulcet tones._
Came stout DOUBLE GLO’STER—a man and wife,
_Sing, hey! post pillars and pies!_
And the son was SINGLE, and fair as fate;
_Oh, the purple of sunset skies!_
DE CAMEMBERT came from his sunny France,
_Sing, hey! pork cutlets and pearls!_
He would talk sweet nothings, and sing and dance,
_Oh, the sighs of the soft sweet girls._
Came GRUYÈRE so pale! a most hole-y man!
_Sing, hey! red sandstone and rice!_
But the world saw through him as worldings can,
_Oh, the breezes from Isles of Spice._
But the maiden fair loved no cheese but one!
_Sing, hey! acrostics and ale!_
Save for SINGLE GLO’STER she love had none!
_Oh, the roses on fair cheeks pale!_
He was fair and single—and so was she!
_Sing, hey! tomatoes and tar!_
And so now you know which it is to be!
_Oh, the aid of a lucky star!_
They toasted the couple the livelong night,
_Sing, hey! cast iron and carp!_
And engaged a poet this song to write.
_Oh, the breathing Æolian harp!_
So he wrote this ballad at vast expense!
_Sing, hey! pump-handles and peas!_
And, though you may think it devoid of sense,
_Oh, he_ fancies it QUITE THE CHEESE!
_H. C. Waring._