Now if I loved you less, my friend,
Facetious Calvus, than these eyes,
You merit hatred in such wise
As men Vatinius hate. To send
Such stuff to me! Have I been rash
In word or deed? The gods forfend!
That you should kill me with such trash,
Of vile and deleterious verse--
Volumes on volumes without end,
Of ignominious poets, worse
Than their own works. May gods be pliant,
And grant me this: that poison--pest
Light on 'em all, and on that client
Who sent 'em you; and you in jest
Transfer them, odious, and mephitic,
And execrable. I suspect 'em
Sent you by that grammarian critic,
Sulla. If so, and you have lost
No precious labour to collect 'em,
'Tis well indeed; and little cost
To you, with malice aforethought,
To send (and with intent to kill him,
And on this blessed day, when nought
But Saturnalian joys should fill him)
Your friend Catullus such a set
Of murderous authors; but the debt
I'll pay, be even with you yet--
For no perfidious friend I spare.
At early dawn, ere the sun shine, I
Will rise, and ransack shop and stall,
Collect your Caesii and Aquini,
And that Suffenus: and with care
And diligence, will have all sent
To you, for a like punishment.
Hence, poets! with your jingling chimes:
Hence, miserables! halt and lame;
Be off, ye troublers of our times!
I send you packing whence ye came.
GRATIAN.--Kicking about the volumes, doubtless, as the "Friend of
Humanity" did the "Needy Knife-grinder."
CURATE.--I did not translate that--for I thought the authors might
easily have been burned for writing bad verses (no hint to you,
Aquilius; nothing personal); and that Calvus Licinius, having that
remedy, need not have written about them. And I confess I don't see much
in what he has written. This Suffenus, however, was no fool, but a man
of wit and sense.
AQUILIUS.--Yes,--and Catullus writes to Varrus specially about him. I
have translated that too. Here it is:--