Impossible is it to conceive, without being in the very circumstances
Horatio was, what a strange variety of mingled passions agitated his
breast on having to read, and considered these letters:--to find such
unhoped condescension from the baron de Palfoy and that Dorilaus was
still living, and had the same, if not more tender inclinations for him
than ever, the latter of which he had long since ceased to hope, was
sufficient to have overwhelmed even the most phlegmatic person with an
excess of joy:--but then the dark expressions in both these letters put
his brain on the rack.--The baron had seemed to refer to an explanation
of what he darkly hinted at in the letter of Dorilaus, but that he found
rather more obsolete: he could imagine nothing farther than that
Dorilaus having resolved to make him his heir, as he remembered some
people said before he left England, on the knowledge of that
intelligence the baron de Palfoy had consented to his marriage with
mademoiselle Charlotta, and this, her being permitted to write to him
confirmed.--This indeed was the supreme aim of his desires; and this it
was that made him quit St. Germains, in hope of raising himself to a
condition which might enable her to own her affection to him without a
blush: but transporting as this idea was, it was mingled with disquiet,
to reflect on the terms which both the Baron and Dorilaus seemed to
insist on for the accomplishment of his wishes, tho' he impatiently
longed to see Dorilaus after so long an absence.--Tho' in the possession
of Charlotta all his hopes were centered, yet to leave a prince who had
so highly favoured him, and under whose banners he had gained so much
consideration, was a piece of ingratitude, which it was worse than death
for him to be guilty of.--No! said he, it would be to render me unworthy
of all the blessings they make me hope, should I purchase them on such
conditions!--How can they demand them of me!--The Baron, Charlotta, and
Dorilaus, have all of them the highest notions of honour, generosity and
gratitude, and can they approve that in me, which I am certain they
would not be guilty of themselves!--Sure it is but to try me, they seem
to exact what they are sensible I cannot yield to, without the breach of
every thing that can entitle me to esteem or love!
Thus did he argue within himself for one moment; the next, other
reasons, directly opposite to these, presented themselves.--Dorilaus,
cried he, demands all my obedience;--all my gratitude:--without
protection I had been an outcast in the world!--Whatever honours,
whatever happiness I enjoy, is it not to him I owe them! Can I refuse
then to comply with commands, which, he says, are necessary to his
peace!--Besides, was it not Charlotta that inspired this ardor in me for
great actions! Was not the possession of that charming maid, the sole
end I proposed to myself in all I have undertaken! and shall I, by
refusing her request, madly run the risque of losing her for ever!--Does
not she wish, her father persuade, and Dorilaus enjoin me to
return!--Does not love, friendship, duty call me to partake the joys
that each affords!--And shall I refuse the tender invitation!--No! the
world cannot condemn me for following motives such as these; and even
the royal Charles himself is too generous not to acquit me of
ingratitude or cowardice.
It must indeed be confessed he had potent inducements for his return to
Paris, to combat against those of continuing in the king of Sweden's
service; and both by turns appeared so prevalent, that it is uncertain
which would have got the better, had not an accident happened, which
unhappily determined him in favour of the latter.
Colonel Poniatosky, who had attended Stanislaus into Poland, now the
disturbances of that kingdom were quieted, on hearing the king of Sweden
was on some new expedition, obtained leave of Stanislaus to return to
the camp, and implored his majesty's permission to be one of those who
should partake the glorious toils he was now re-entering into. To which
he replied, that he should be glad to have him near his person, but
feared he would be wanted in Poland. No, may it please your majesty,
resumed Poniatosky, there seems to be no longer any business in that
kingdom for a soldier:--all seem ready to obey the royal Stanislaus out
of affection to his person, and admiration of those virtues they are now
perfectly convinced of; nor is Augustus in a condition to violate the
treaty of resignation:--refuse me not therefore I beseech your majesty,
continued he, falling upon both his knees, what I look on as my greatest
happiness, as it is my greatest glory.
The king seemed very well pleased at the emphasis with which he
expressed himself; and having raised him from the posture he was in, be
it so, cried he, henceforward we will be inseparable.
Horatio was charmed with this testimony of love and zeal in a person,
who had doubtless friends and kindred who would have been glad he had
less attachment to a service so full of dangers as that of the king of
Sweden, and somewhat ashamed he had ever entertained a thought of
quitting it, resolved, as he had been more obliged, not to shew less
gratitude than Poniatosky. Therefore, without any further deliberation,
retired to his quarters, and prepared the following answers to the
letters had been brought him. As all things in a lover's heart yields to
the darling object, the first he wrote was to his mistress.
_To mademoiseile_ DE PALFOY.
"With what transports I received yours,
adorable Charlotta, I am little able to
express!--To find I am not forgotten!--That
what I have done is approved by her for
whom alone I live, and whose praise alone can
make me vain, so swallowed up all other considerations,
that it had almost made me quit
Alranstadt that moment, and fly to pour beneath
your feet my gratitude and joy!--But
glory, tyrannic glory, would not suffer me to
obey the soft impulse, nor re-enjoy that blessing
till conscious I deserved it better!--My friends
over-rate my services; and tho' that partial indulgence
is the ultimate of my ambition, I would
dare not abuse what they are so good to offer."
"To feast my long, long famished sight with
gazing once more on your charms, I would
forgo every thing but the hope of rendering myself
one day more worthy of it!--Too dear I
prize the good wishes you vouchsafe to have for
me, not to attempt every thing in my power to
prevent the disappointment of them: the little
I have yet done, alas! serves but to prove how
much the man, who has in view rendering himself
acceptable to the divine Charlotta, dares
to do, when dangers worthy of his courage
present themselves.--A small time may, perhaps,
afford me an opportunity:--yet did you
know how dear this self-denial costs me, you
would confess it the greatest proof of affection
ever man gave:--permit me therefore to gratify
an ambition which has no other aim than a
justification of the favours I receive:--continue
to look with a favourable eye on my endeavours,
and they cannot then fail of such success,
as may give me a claim to the glorious.
title of my most adored and loved Charlotta's.
_Everlasting Slave_,