_Mrs. Patty & Mrs. Gatty._
The Bed and Night-Clothes were soon prepared; and as I helped Mrs.
_Gatty_ to undress, I could not help noting, that though her Gown was
of the plainest black Stuff, her under Garments were beautifully Fine,
and fitted to a Nicety; which corroborated what she had said of her
being a young Woman of good Condition. "You must not alarm yourself,
Mrs. _Gatty_," said I; "you will very likely be quite well to-morrow."
"Don't call me Mrs. _Gatty_," says she. "Call me _Gertrude_, which is
my proper Name, and it will put me in Mind of Home."
"Well, then, Mrs. _Gertrude_," said I.
"Not Mrs. at all, I entreat of you," said she, "plain, simple
_Gertrude_."
"Simple _Gertrude_, you may be," said I, "but plain _Gertrude_, you
certainly are not."
She smiled faintly, and said, "Ah, you are very Kind, and mean kindly;
but the finest Compliment in the World is of little Value to me,
compared with a Word of Kindness: and yours only pleases me so far as
Kindness is expressed in it. And now, dear Mrs. _Patty_, let down the
Curtain, and make the Chamber as dark as you can, and I will try to
sleep; for my Head aches to Distraction, and there is Nothing you can
do for me."
When I went down Stairs, I found my _Mother_ mentioning _Gatty's_ Case
to Dr. _Elwes_, who frequently stepped in to smoak a quiet Pipe under
our Elms. He immediately went up Stairs to see her; and was guarded in
pronouncing whether she had a Fever, a Chill, a Surfeit, or what; but
said Time would disclose, and he would see her again in the Morning.
Meanwhile, she was to be kept Cool and Quiet; and he would write a
Prescription for a Composing Draught; which accordingly he did.
"And now, with respect to Supper," said I, when he was gone. "Dear me!
who has thought, all this Time, of Mr. _Fenwick_?"
No one had remembered him; so I immediately carried up his Whey and
Buns, smote to the Heart at his having been so entirely overlooked.
When I went in, he was still sitting at the Casement. He said, "Well,
_Leah_!" with a gentle Smile, which assured me that he had heard and
remembered what had passed at Lady _Betty's_ Table.
"Dear Sir," said I, "I am quite sorry you should have been so long
forgotten. We have had such a noisy Party this Afternoon."
"Rather tumultuous certainly," said he; "they helped to amuse me, and
it was not my Fault that I heard every Word they said."
"How loudly High-Bred People laugh and talk, Sir!" said I.
"I doubt if it be High-Breeding to do so," said he; "Ill-Breeding it
seems to me."
"What did you think, Sir, of Mr. _Caryl_? Mr. _Paul_, as they called
him?"
"Well, I thought he tried to serve the _Petersham_ Chicken with
_Walpole_ Sauce."
"He was very smart and ready, Sir, wasn't he?"
"Yes, Mrs. _Patty_, he had plenty of Repartee."
"What is a Repartee, Sir?"
"A smart Reply. When Mr. _Pope_, who was deformed, asked a young
Officer if he knew what a Note of Interrogation was, the other replied,
'A little crooked Thing that asks Questions.' That was a Repartee."
"A very ill-natured One, though, Sir. When Sir _Charles_ said of the
unfortunate Emigrant _Lady_, 'That Woman deserves a Crown,' and Mr.
_Paul_ rejoined, that he had not a Crown to lay at her Feet, but he had
Half-a-Crown very much at her Service: was that a Repartee?"
"Yes, it was suggested by the Remark of the First, and could not have
been prepared. You have culled a Grain of Wheat, Mrs. _Patty_, from a
Bushel of Chaff."
"You thought Lady _Betty_ a great Beauty, I suppose, Mr. _Fenwick_?"
"Well, she is what is called a Fine-Woman, I believe. Fine Eyes, and
Teeth; good Carriage of the Head."
"Oh Sir! had you seen her toss that Head at my poor _Mother_! 'Twas as
much as I could stand!"
"I am glad, then, that I did not. She has Wit, however, but is too
artificial, flighty, and exacting. There's a degree of Coarseness
about her. 'Twas so humorous, to hear her trying to recover her
Supremacy in that Dialogue among the Men, when she began once and again
'When I was at _Peterwaradin_,' and no one was listening to her!"
"Except you and me, Sir. Well, I must not keep you from Supper."
"Nor must I keep you standing. How are you going to manage about Mrs.
_Gatty_?"
"She's going to sleep with me, Sir; if I sleep at all, that is."
"You expect a restless Night."
"I doubt if I shall lie down if she continue as she is."
"If you are going to sit up, you will require Something to keep you
awake. Shall I find you a Book to read?"
"Do, if you please, Sir; I shall gratefully thank you!"
"Well then, what will you have? You know I have no Novels. Here is a
charming Paper of Mr. _Addison's_, in one of the old _Spectators_,
which I was reading when you came in. '_Cheerfulness preferable to
Mirth._' How well it opens! 'I have always preferred Cheerfulness to
Mirth. The latter I consider as an Act, the former as a Habit of the
Mind.'"
"That will not take long in reading, Sir. Might I have one of
_Shakspeare's_ Plays? I liked the _Merchant of Venice_ so much!"
"Certainly you may. Did you like _Romeo and Juliet_?"
"Not at all, Sir."
"Come, then, here is the _Winter's Tale_ for you. Or stay, here is
_Cymbeline_. You will like much of it, though not all; for you have
as nice a Taste in Books, Mrs. _Patty_, as your _Father_ has in old
China. _Imogen_ is one of the purest, loveliest Creations of the Poet.
When you get tired of her Companions, turn the Leaf till you come to
her, and you won't fall asleep. Her two Brothers, too, in the Cave,
are charming. What a fine Lesson is given here, in a mere passing Word
of the Physician to the Queen, against Cruelty to dumb Animals! She
tells him she experimentalizes with Poisons on Creatures not worth the
hanging; and he tells her she hardens her Heart, and proceeding from
low degrees to higher, will become careless of inflicting pain and
death on superior Natures. Here it is, Mrs. _Patty_."
I took the Book, curtseyed, and withdrew; thinking that this little
Dialogue with the good young Curate after the Noise and Babble of Lady
_Betty's_ Party, was like gazing on cool Green, after one's Eyes had
been dazzled by garish Sunshine. Since he had lodged with us, to drink
fresh Whey and recover his Health, I, being the elder and plainer
Sister of the two, had principally waited upon him; though I seldom
encroached so much on his Leisure as on this Evening, which I partly
ventured on, because I felt I had neglected him during the Afternoon.
Mrs. _Gatty_ passed a restless Night, and rambled a good deal, fancying
herself at Home, or what I concluded such; and talking of, and to her
Kinsfolk and Intimates by name. What with attending to her and reading
my Play-Book, I got not much Rest; but towards Day-Break, she became
Quiet; so then I had a good Nap, with my Cloathes loosened, but not
off, and awoke refreshed, just in time to go and see the Milk and Bread
sent out, which was my daily Duty.
Our's had become a large Concern. At first, we only sold Bread and Buns
to those who came to the Shop; then we got on to having two Carts, that
went into Town twice a Week; then Whey was wanted, and we had a Cow;
but the Cow was not in Milk all the Year round, so then we had two; and
then we kept their Calves, _Prue_ and I undertaking to bring them up
by Hand; and the pretty Creatures grew so fond of us, that they would
run round the Meadow after us if we but held out our Finger to them. In
short, our Milk and Whey became in such repute, that we got on from two
Cows to six, and at length to Twelve, and had the largest Milk-walk in
the neighbourhood. Our man _Andrew_, who was from _Devonshire_, looked
after the _Dairy_; and _Saunders_, who was a _Scot_, was our Baker;
but a Mistress's Eye is worth two Pair of Hands; and one Reason of
our Success was undoubtedly that we looked closely after our Business
ourselves, no matter how much Money was coming into the Till.
Dr. _Elwes_ used to say, that he never knew better Samples of a genteel
Industry than in our Establishment; but doubtless, the good _Doctor's_
Judgment was somewhat biassed by his Partiality for my dear _Mother_;
whom, I am bold to think, if he had known her before she was married,
and before he himself had risen from the Ranks, (if one may say so of
a Civilian,) he would have gladly made his Wife. What a different Lot
for my poor _Mother_! But then, the whole Story of our Lives would have
been altered, and the Divine Purposes quite otherwise manifested; and
my poor _Father_ would have gone down the Stream, with ne'er a Hand
held out to draw him towards Shore.
Just as I was booking the Loaves put into the Carts, up rides Mr.
_Arbuthnot_ on a mighty fine Horse. He was, as good Mr. _Matthew Henry_
says of _Prince Adonijah_, a pretty, comely young Gentleman; and he
lighted down, and gave his Bridle to _Peter_, and stept up to me, to
inquire how fared Mrs. _Gatty_, saying that he hoped to make himself
welcome to Lady _Betty_ by carrying good news, therefore had ridden to
_Chelsea_ before Breakfast. I replied she had had a disturbed Night,
but was then sleeping; on which, having not much more to say, and
seeing me busied, he went his ways.
Just then, my _Mother_ called over the Stair-Head, in rather an
agitated Voice, to inquire whether my _Father_ had yet got his Dish
of strong green Tea; and knowing that he had come Home somewhat
convivial in the Middle of the Night, and was likely to be troubled
with Head-Ache, low Spirits, and Ill-Humours this Morning, I hastily
went into the back Parlour. But there was dear _Prudence_ already at
her Post, fresh as a Primrose, with the Tea brewed, and the Table
spread with a tempting variety of Meats, fresh Eggs, and hot Rolls, not
one of which had my poor _Father_ the Appetite to taste, but sat with
trembling Hands, endeavouring to pour the Cream into his Tea without
spilling it. On my coming in, he looks up and says:--
"Have those Rascals brought the Hamper yet?"
"What Hamper, _Father_?"
"Why, a Hamper and Packing-Case of _Chelsea_ China I bought at the
Auction-Rooms yesterday."
"Alas, _Father_, have you been buying more China?"
"Yes, I have, Miss _Patty_, more by Token, I bought it as a Compliment
to your _Mother_, and outbade my Lord _Fribble_; so what have you to
say to that now?"
"Dear _Father_, my _Mother_ will feel the compliment; but, had you let
it alone, 'twould have been the greater Kindness."
"That's a Solecism, _Patty_; but here comes _Peter_ with the Case; and
here comes your _Mother_ to see it unpacked."
As 'twas no use to cross him about a Thing that was done, I ran to be
my dear _Mother's_ "live Walking-Stick;" and when I had settled her
in her Easy-Chair, with all her little Comforts about her, she takes
Breath, and says to my _Father_, "Good Morning, my Dear."
"Good Morning, my Dear," replies he; "this is our Wedding-Day;" and got
up, and kissed her.
This was so unlike his usual Mood, that _Prudence_ and I were
surprised and touched.
"I dare say now," pursues he, "that you had forgot it?"
"Oh no, Mr. _Honeywood_,--my Dear, I mean," says my _Mother_, wiping
her eyes, "I remembered it before I got out of Bed--and the last thing
overnight, too. I'd no Notion your Memory would be so good, my dear."
"Well," says he, "it seems we each did the other Injustice, this
Time--a good Thing if we never do so any more. But I remembered it
yesterday, and bought you a little Trifle, in Token of it."
"I am sure I am much obliged to you, my Dear," says my _Mother_. "Pray
what is it?"
"You shall see what you shall see--you shall see what you shall see,"
repeats he very deliberately, proceeding to take the Silver Paper off
sundry little Figures, as _Peter_ disengaged them from the Straw--"The
five Senses, my Dear--the greatest Bargain I ever knew."
My poor _Mother_ lifted up her Hands and Eyes. "At your old Tricks
again, Mr. _Honeywood_," said she softly.
"Old Tricks!" repeated he, with the Air of an injured Man; "why, these
are the most exquisite little Gems you ever saw! A Nobleman could not
make a more delicate Present to his Mistress.--Look at this charming
little Creature stroking her Lapdog ... and this high-bred Toast
taking a Pinch of Snuff, this Lady of Quality sipping Tokay, and this
Opera-belle ready to swoon with Extasy at _Bononcini_--where are your
Eyes, my Dear?"
"Ah, Mr. _Honeywood_, you know the old Saying, 'Please the Eye and
plague the Heart.'"
"Plague my Heart, then!" cries he in rising Dudgeon, "if you are not
the most hard to please of any Woman alive. Why, a Peer bade against
me!"
"My Dear, I wish the Lot had been knocked down to him. These are
suitable Toys for a Personage of that Condition, but not for us. Why,
now, I venture to say this Set cost you five and twenty Pounds, at the
lowest Figure."
"Five and twenty? You may add Something to that. Why, Mrs. _Honeywood_,
you must be a Dolt, to know their Value no better than that, or else
you are saying so to incense me!"
"Indeed, my Dear, I have learnt the World's Value for such Things but
too well, by having to pay for them so often. Are these paid for?"
"Confusion, Madam! Do you mean to doubt my Honour?"
"Why really, Mr. _Honeywood_, you have so little ready Money except
what is earned by these poor Girls, that I might be excused for asking.
And in Truth I do not feel it so much of a Compliment as I could wish,
to have Presents bought to gratify your own Taste, which you know do
not suit mine, and after all, be obliged to pay the Bill."
"This is Language I will stand from no Woman."
"Nay, Mr. _Honeywood_, just look at those Shepherdesses on the
Mantel-Shelf, and say if it were not so with them...." ... (Smash went
the Shepherdesses.)
"The Senses shall go next," cried he, "if you say another Word! Don't
cling to me, _Patty_! They shall."
"Dear _Father_, my _Mother_ is not going to say another Word. Pray be
calm."
"I protest..." begins my _Mother_.
"Dear _Mother_, pray don't--_Father!_ _Father!_ Pray withdraw--as a
Favour!"
"What! be turned out of the Room like a chidden Child? Your _Father_,
Mrs. _Patty_? I'll sit here till Dinner, I vow. _Prue_, fetch me the
Daily Courant, and a clean Pipe."
"It has not come in yet, _Father_."
"Hang it! everything is out of joint! I shall go to the _Trumpet_, in
_Sheer Lane_, and you won't hear of me again, any of you, for a good
While."
_Prue_ and I tried to stay him, but in vain. My _Mother_ was shedding
silent Tears.
"Heaven forgive me," said she, "if I spoke too warmly, or crossly.
After his Kiss, and all! it seemed so ungracious to take it amiss. But
I know too well, he only used our Wedding-day as a Blind, and if he
gets into these old Ways again, he will not merely end his own Days
in Jail, but send you there too. So that protest I must, if I hadn't
another Breath to draw!"
About Noon, Mr. _James_, one of Lady _Betty's_ laced Footmen, came
to inquire after a Diamond Ring her Ladyship said _Gatty_ must have
dropped on the Grass. We looked for it carefully, but could not find it.
"I dare say we shall find that my _Lady_ has it at Home all the While,"
says Mr. _James_ (which, indeed, proved afterwards to be the Case).
"However, if it should not turn up, Woe to poor Mrs. _Gatty_! She will
lie under awful Blame for Heedlessness, if not be counted a Thief. And
pray how is Mrs. _Gatty_ this Morning? we Servants are all concerned
for her, she is so gentle and pretty-behaved, though she does keep us
at a Distance! I wish to know on my own Account, I assure you, as well
as to take back the News to my Lady, though she does not care much
about her, except as far as her own Convenience goes."
"Mrs. _Gatty_ continues very ill," said I, "and has twice been seen by
a Physician, who thinks she will take some Time to recover. You may
as well report this to Lady _Betty_, for the Doctor had not paid his
second Visit when Mr. _Arbuthnot_ called."
"Mr. _Arbuthnot_! Why should he call?" says Mr. _James_. "Lady _Betty_
would be mad enough to think he took the Trouble of knowing whether
Mrs. _Gatty_ were alive or dead."
"He called in order to report her Condition to Lady _Betty_" said I.
"Rely on it," said Mr. _James_, "he called on his own Account, for
Humanity sake, if nothing more. He hasn't been near my _Lady_ to-day,
and I had it from his Man that he has gone down to dine in the Country
with the old _Earl_; that's Lady _Grace's Father_. Sure, he must have
named Lady _Grace_, not Lady _Betty_."
There was no more to be said, and I never encourage mere Tattle; but
I thought that good and pretty as _Gertrude_ was, it could be no
Advantage to have a Gentleman like Mr. _Arbuthnot_ concerning himself
about her.
We are all mighty fond of high Matches; not considering that what is a
high Match on one Side must be a low one on the other; and that there
is little real Happiness to be looked for where Estates are widely
unequal.
I asked Mr. _James_ whether my _Lady_ were not much put out by the Loss
of her Woman's Services.
He replied, "Oh no, she keeps one for Shew and one for Use. Mrs.
_Gatty_, for as hard a Life as she leads, does Nothing in Comparison of
Madam _Pompon_, who is the real Waiting-Maid of the two. But my _Lady_
requires a second, who shall have white Hands, and do Quantities of
fine Work, and be at her Beck and bear with her Humours. Why should she
not require two Women to sew in her Ante-Chamber, as well as two Men to
hang behind her Chariot?"
Two Women and two Men to wait upon one! Well! there must needs be
different Levels; and maybe the Time will come when Habits of Living
shall be simpler. I have read, in one of Mr. _Fenwick's_ Books, of
an _English_ King in old Times, that had his Barge rowed by eight
other Kings. And of another, that had a Menial whose sole Office was
to lie under the Table, and chafe and cherish his Majesty's Feet in
cold Weather. _King Adoni-bezek_ had threescore and ten Kings, having
their Thumbs and great Toes cut off, that gathered their Meat under
his Table. The making one's own Glory lie in the abject or lowly State
to which we reduce others, always seems to me to relish of Barbarism,
however high Degree may carry it off.
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