Jealousy and Monopoly are the two selfish features of Love which urge an
enamoured couple to flee society and friends, and take refuge on a
desert island. Fortunately there is in the chemistry of Love a third
selfish element—the Pride of successful wooing, which commonly is strong
enough to neutralise the antisocial tendencies of the other two. If a
lover’s passion has not yet risen to fever-heat, nothing (except
Jealousy) will so suddenly raise it as the Pride and conceit inspired by
noticing that people in general admire his chosen girl; the more of the
admirers, the greater his Pride. And if, in addition, sympathising
friends directly approve his choice and laud her merits in detail, then
his transports of ecstasy become celestial.
Inasmuch as in moments of elation over success of any kind a man feels
as if nothing were beyond his power, an accepted lover is as proud (I
suppose) as if he had conquered not only one girl, but the whole
feminine kingdom—or queendom: for surely the one chosen by him is the
cleverest and most beautiful of all; whence it follows that all the
inferior ones would of course have been only too proud if he had
condescended to pay his addresses to them.
Why do great men so often marry women who are not especially attractive
as to personal appearance, when often they might have had their choice
among a group of beauties? Because the spoiled beauties did not
understand the art of flattery, sincere or otherwise. Every man wishes
to be considered either a creative genius or a hero. The woman who knows
how to touch the sympathetic chord, to make each one’s particular kind
of Pride vibrate, has him at her feet in an instant.
In conjugal life the most ludicrous of all sights is the royal
self-complacency with which a man accepts the eager worship of his wife.
Conversely, a rejected lover’s heart bleeds from so many wounds that it
is difficult to count them; but of all these wounds the one inflicted by
the jealous thought that she will now marry another is alone deep as
that of his offended Pride. The sense of superiority which every man
feels over every other man is crushed, and cannot be laid as a
flattering unction to the soul. Hence a girl who refuses a proposal and
does not at least keep it a secret, is not only quite as mean, but a
thousand times more cruel than a man who will “kiss and tell.”
_Coquetry._—Yet of all secrets the compliment of an offer is the hardest
for a woman to keep; so, in strictest confidence, she tells it to only
one solitary person, who ditto, who ditto, who ditto, etc. etc. etc.
etc. and so on.
There is a class of women whose sole pleasure in life appears to be
derived from vanity gratified by offers of Love and Marriage. Of all the
elements of Love—and there are at least eleven—her soul is affected by
one alone—the overtone of Pride. The Coquette has already been
superficially examined, and distinguished from the Flirt. But this is
the place where she must be placed under the microscope and more closely
examined. A great many distinguished observers have dissected her, and
here are a few of their discoveries.