Young people of both sexes more frequently make confidants and “bosom
friends” of their playmates and classmates than of their brothers and
sisters. Why is this so? Novelty perhaps has something to do with it.
The domestic experiences and emotions of two brothers or sisters are apt
to be so much alike as to become monotonous; whereas a member of another
family may initiate them into a fresh and fascinating sphere of emotion
and a novel way of looking at things. Moreover, friendship is very
capricious in its choice; and as the number of brothers and sisters is
limited, the selection is apt to be made in the wider field outside the
domestic circle. Again, it is a peculiarity of human nature to appear in
great _négligé_ at home, and to regard the nearest relatives as the best
lightning-rods for disagreeable moods; and this does not tend to deepen
the love of brothers and sisters.
It may be doubted whether this form of affection exists among animals or
among primitive men; and even among civilised peoples the bond is but a
weak one, except in the most refined families. Though brothers feel
bound to protect their sisters, they reserve most of their gallantry for
some one else’s sister; and though a sister will feel proud if her
brother is one of a victorious crew, her heart will beat twice as fast
if it is her lover instead of her brother. The English language has not
even a collective word for the love of brothers and sisters; and even
the partial terms, “sisterly love” and “brotherly love,” have more of an
ecclesiastic than a domestic flavour. The German language has a
collective word—and a big one too,—_Geschwisterliebe_; but it would
perhaps be misleading to infer from its existence and size that this
species of family love is more developed in Germany than in England. The
German’s advantage appears to be philological merely, and not
sociological. He is less of a traveller and colonist than the
Englishman, who is very often separated from his brothers and sisters
for years. Yet this sometimes is rather a gain than a loss; for it
destroys that excessive familiarity which, as just noted, makes
friendship rarer among members of the same hearth than between
individuals of different families.
To the wider circles of blood-relationship—up to “forty-second
cousins”—the Germans pay much more regard than the English; and the
French perhaps go a step beyond the Germans. For in France each family,
with its ramifications, forms a sort of clique into which an outsider
can rarely enter. Needless to say that this forms a great impediment to
Love’s free choice.