THE BUNDLE OF STICKS.
I had hardly entered these remarks in my Journal, and ascended the
companion-ladder, when the doctor joined me in my quarter-deck walk,
and said, “Mr Slick, what is your opinion of the state of these North
American colonies?”
What a curious thing these coincidences are, Squire, ain’t they? How
often when you are speaking of a man, he unexpectedly makes his
appearance, don’t he? or if you are thinking of a subject, the person
who is with you starts the same topic, or if you are a going to say a
thing, he takes, as we say, the very words out of your mouth. It is
something more than accident that, but what is it? Is it animal
magnetism, or what is it? Well, I leave you to answer that question,
for I can’t.
“Their growth beats all. The way they are going ahead is a caution to
them that live in Sleepy Hollow, a quiet little place the English call
Downing Street. It astonishes them as a young turkey does a hen that
has hatched it, thinking it was a chicken of her own. She don’t know
what in the world to make of the great long-legged, long-bodied
critter, that is six times as large as herself, that has cheeks as red
as if it drank brandy, an imperial as large as a Russian dragoon, eats
all the food of the poultry-yard, takes a shocking sight of nursing
when it is young, and gets as sarcy as the devil when it grows up.”
“Yes,” said he, “I am aware of its growth; but what do you suppose is
the destiny of British North America?”
“Oh,” sais I, “I could tell you if I was Colonial minister, because I
should then have the power to guide that destiny. I know full well what
ought to be done, and the importance of doing it soon, but I am not in
the position to give them the right direction. No English statesmen
have the information, the time, or the inclination to meddle with the
subject. To get rid of the bother of them, they have given up all
control and said to them, ‘There is responsible government for you, now
tortle off hum, and manage your own affairs.’ Yes, yes, so far so
good—they can manage their own _domestic_ matters, but who is to manage
their foreign affairs, as I said wunst to a member of parliament. They
have outgrown colonial dependance; their minority is ended; their
clerkship is out; they are of age now: they never did well in your
house; they were put out to nurse at a distance; they had their
schooling; they learnt figures early; they can add and multiply faster
than you can to save your soul; and now they are uneasy. They have your
name, for they are your children, but they are younger sons. The estate
and all the honours go to the eldest, who resides at home. They know
but little about their parents, further than that their bills have been
liberally paid, but they have no personal acquaintance with you. You
are tired of maintaining them, and they have too much pride and too
much energy to continue to be a burden to you. They can and they will
do for themselves.
“Have you ever thought of setting them up in business on their own
account, or of taking them into partnership with yourself? In the
course of nature they must form some connection soon. Shall they seek
it with you or the States, or intermarry among themselves, and begin
the world on their own hook? These are important questions, and they
must be answered soon. Have you acquired their confidence and
affection? What has been your manner to them? Do you treat them like
your other younger children that remain at home? Them you put into your
army and navy, place a sword in their hands and say, Distinguish
yourselves, and the highest rewards are open to you; or you send them
to the church or the bar, and say, A mitre or a coronet shall be the
prize to contend for. If you prefer diplomacy, you shall be attaché to
your elder brother. I will place the ladder before you; ascend it. If
you like politics, I will place you in parliament, and if you have not
talents sufficient for the House of Commons, you shall go out as
governor of one of _our_ colonies. _Those appointments belong of right
to them, but they can’t help themselves at present._ Get one while you
can.
“Have you done this, or anything like it, for your children abroad? If
you have, perhaps you will be kind enough to furnish me with some
names, that I may mention them when I hear you accused of neglect. You
are very hospitable and very considerate to strangers. The
representative of any little insignificant German state, of the size of
a Canadian township, has a place assigned him on state occasions. Do
you ever show the same attention to the delegate of a colony, of
infinitely more extent and value than Ireland? There can’t be a doubt
you have, though I have never heard of it. Such little trifles are
matters of course, but still, as great interests are at stake, perhaps
it would be as well to notice such things occasionally in the Gazette,
for distant and humble relations are always touchy.
“Ah, Doctor,” said I, “_things can’t and won’t remain long as they
are._ England has three things among which to choose for her North
American colonies:—First: Incorporation with herself, and
representation in Parliament. Secondly: Independence. Thirdly:
Annexation with the States. Instead of deliberating and selecting what
will be most conducive to the interest of herself and her dependencies,
she is allowing things to take their chance. Now, this is all very well
in matters over which we have no control, because Providence directs
things better than we can; but if one of these three alternatives is
infinitely better than the other, and it is in our power to adopt it,
it is the height of folly not to do so. I know it is said, for I have
often heard it myself, Why, we can but lose the colonies at last.
Pardon me, you can do more than that, for you can lose their affections
also. If the partnership is to be dissolved, it had better be done by
mutual consent, and it would be for the interest of both that you
should part friends. You didn’t shake hands with, but fists at, us when
we separated. We had a stand-up fight, and you got licked, and wounds
were given that the best part of a century hasn’t healed, and wounds
that will leave tender spots for ever; so don’t talk nonsense.
“Now, Doctor, mark my words. I say again, things won’t remain long as
they are. I am glad I have you to talk to instead of the Squire, for he
always says, I am chockfull of crotchets, and brimfull of brag. Now, it
is easy, we all know, to prophesy a thing after it has happened, but if
I foretell a thing and it comes out true, if I haven’t a right to brag
of my skill, I have a right to boast that I guessed right at all
events. Now, when I set on foot a scheme for carrying the Atlantic mail
in steamers, and calculated all the distances and chances, and showed
them Bristol folks (for I went to that place on purpose) that it was
shorter by thirty-six miles to come to Halifax, and then go to New
York, than to go to New York direct, they just laughed at me, and so
did the English Government. They said it couldn’t be shorter in the
nature of things. There was a captain in the navy to London too, who
said, ‘Mr Slick, you are wrong, and I think I ought to know something
about it,’ giving a toss of his head. ‘Well,’ sais I, with another toss
of mine, ‘I think you ought too, and I am sorry you don’t, that’s all.’
“Then the Squire said:—‘Why, how you talk, Mr Slick! Recollect, if you
please, that Doctor Lardner says that steam won’t do to cross the
Atlantic, and he is a great gun.”
“‘Well,’ sais I, ‘I don’t care a fig for what Lardner says, or any
other locomotive lecturer under the light of the living sun. If a
steamer can go agin a stream, and a plaguy strong one too, two thousand
five hundred miles up the Mississippi, why in natur can’t it be fixed
so as to go across the Atlantic?’
“Well, some time after that, my second Clockmaker came out in London,
and, sais I, I’ll stand or fall by my opinion, right or wrong, and I
just put it body and breeches all down in figures in that book. Well,
that set inquiries on foot, folks began to calculate—a tender was made
and accepted, and now steam across the Atlantic is a fixed fact, and an
old story. Our folks warn’t over pleased about it, they consaited I
should have told them first, so they might have taken the lead in it,
as they like to go ahead of the British in all things, and I wish to
goodness I had, for thanks are better nor jeers at any time.
“Well, I was right there, you see. So on this subject I have told
Squire, and them who ought to know something of the colonies they rule,
over and over again, and warned government that something was wanting
to place these provinces on a proper permanent footing; that I knew the
temper of colony folks better than they did, and you will find in my
Journals the subject often mentioned. But no, a debate on a beer bill,
or a metropolitan bridge, or a constabulary act, is so pressing, there
is no time. Well, sure enough that’s all come true. First, the Canadian
league started up, it was a feverish symptom, and it subsided by good
treatment, without letting blood. Last winter it was debated in the
Legislature here, and the best and ablest speeches made on it ever
heard in British America, and infinitely superior to the great majority
of those uttered in the House of Commons.1 Do you suppose for a moment
that proud-spirited, independent, able men like those members, will
long endure the control of a Colonial minister, who, they feel, is as
much below them in talent, as by accident he may be above them in rank?
No, Sir, the day is past. The form of provincial government is changed,
and with it provincial dependence also. _When we become men, we must
put away childish thing’s._
1 All these speeches are well worth reading, especially those of Mr
Howe, Mr Johnston, and Mr M. Wilkins. That of the former gentleman is
incomparably superior to any one delivered during the last session of
the Imperial Parliament.
“There is a sense of soreness that is uncomfortably felt by a colonist
now when he surveys our condition, and that of Englishmen, and compares
his own with it. He can hardly tell you what he wants, he has yet no
definite plan: but he desires something that will place him on a
perfect equality with either. When I was in Europe lately, I spent a
day at Richmond, with one of them I had known out in America. He was a
Tory, too, and a pretty staunch one, I tell you.
“Thinks I to myself, ‘I’ll put you through your paces a little, my
young sucking Washington, for fear you will get out of practice when
you get back.’
“So, sais I, ‘how do you get on now? I suppose responsible government
has put an end to all complaints, hain’t it?’
“Sais he, ‘Mr Slick,’ and I saw he felt sore, for he looked like it,
and talked like it; ‘Mr Slick,’ said he, ‘kinder niblin’ at the
question, I have no remonstrance to make. There is something very
repulsive in a complaint. I can’t bear the sound of it myself. It
should never be pronounced but in the ear of a doctor, or a police
magistrate. Your man with a grievance is everywhere voted a bore. If he
goes to the Colonial Office with one, that stout gentleman at the door,
the porter, who has the keys of that realm of knowledge and bliss, and
knows as much and has as many airs as his master, soon receives an
order not to admit him.
“‘Worn out with fatigue and disappointment, the unfortunate suitor
finds at last his original grievance merged in the greater one, that he
can obtain no hearing and no redress, and he returns to his own
province, like Franklin, or the Australian delegate, with thoughts of
deep revenge, and visions of a glorious revolution that shall set his
countrymen free from foreign dominion. He goes a humble suppliant, he
returns an implacable rebel. The restless Pole, who would rather play
the part of a freebooting officer than an honest farmer, and who
prefers even begging to labour, wanders over Europe and America,
uttering execrations against all monarchs in general, and his own in
particular, and, when you shake your head at his oft-told tale of
fictitious patriotism, as he replaces his stereotyped memorial in his
pocket, exhibits the handle of a stiletto, with a savage smile of
unmistakeable scoundrelism.’
“‘_Poles_ loom large,’ sais I, ‘in the fogs of London, but they dwindle
into poor _sticks_ with us.’
“He was in no temper however to laugh. It was evident he felt deeply,
but he was unwilling to exhibit the tender spot. ‘The world, Sir,’ he
said, ‘is full of grievances. Papineau’s parliament mustered ninety-two
of them at one time, and a Falmouth packet-ship actually foundered with
its shifting cargo. What a pity it is that their worthlessness and
lightness alone caused them to float! The English, who reverse every
wholesome maxim, in this instance pursued their usual course. The sage
advice, _parcere subjectis, et debilare superbos,_ was disregarded. The
loyalists suffered, the arrogant and turbulent triumphed. Every house,
Sir, in the kingdom is infested with grievances. Fathers grieve over
the extravagances of their sons, the giddiness of their daughters, and
the ceaseless murmurs of their wives, while they in their turn unite in
complaining of parental parsimony and meanness. Social intercourse I
have long since given up, for I am tired of tedious narratives of the
delinquencies of servants and the degeneracy of the times. I prefer
large parties, where, although you know the smile hides the peevish
temper, the aching heart, the jealous fear, and the wounded pride; yet
it is such a great satisfaction to know there is a truce to complaints,
that I prefer its many falsehoods to unceasing wailings over the sad
realities of life.’
“This was no answer, but something to bluff me off. I saw he was
unwilling to speak out, and that it was a mere effort to button up and
evade the subject. So to draw him out, I said,
“‘Well, there is one thing you _can_ boast. Canada is the most valuable
and beautiful appendage of the British Crown.’
“‘England may boast of it as such,’ he said, ‘but I have no right to do
so. I prefer being one of the pariahs of the empire, a mere colonist,
having neither grade nor caste, without a country of my own, and
without nationality. I am a humble man, and when I am asked where I
come from, readily answer, the Chaudiere River. Where is that? Out of
the world? _Extra flammantia limina mundi_. What is the name of your
country? It is not a country, it is only a place. It is better to have
no flag than a borrowed one. If I had one I should have to defend it.
If it were wrested from me I should be disgraced, while my victorious
enemy would be thanked by the Imperial Legislature, and rewarded by his
sovereign. If I were triumphant, the affair would be deemed too small
to merit a notice in the Gazette. He who called out the militia, and
quelled amid a shower of _balls_ the late rebellion, was knighted. He
who assented amid a shower of _eggs_ to a bill to indemnify the rebels,
was created an earl. Now to pelt a governor-general with eggs is an
overt act of treason, for it is an attempt to throw off the _yoke._ If
therefore he was advanced in the peerage for remunerating traitors for
their losses, he ought now to assent to another act for reimbursing the
expenses of the exhausted stores of the poultry yards, and be made a
marquis, unless the British see a difference between a rebel mob and an
indignant crowd, between those whose life has been spent in hatching
mischief, and those who desired to scare the foul birds from their
nests.
“‘If that man had been a colonist, the dispatch marked ‘private’ would
have said, ‘It sarved you right,’ whereas it announced to him, ‘You are
one of us,’ and to mark our approbation of your conduct, you may add
one of these savoury missiles to your coat of arms, that others may be
_egged_ on to do their duty. Indeed, we couldn’t well have a flag of
our own. The Americans have a very appropriate and elegant one,
containing stripes emblematical of their slaves, and stars to represent
their free states, while a Connecticut goose typifies the good cheer of
thanksgiving day. It is true we have the honour of fighting under that
of England; but there is, as we have seen, this hard condition annexed
to it, we must consent to be taxed, to reimburse the losses of those
whom by our gallantry we subdue. If we take Sebastopol, we must pay for
the damage we have done. We are not entitled to a separate flag, and I
am afraid if we had one we should be subject to ridicule. A pure white
ground would prefigure our snow drifts; a gull with outspread wings,
our credulous qualities; and a few discoloured eggs, portray our
celebrated missiles. But what sort of a flag would that be? No, Sir,
these provinces should be united, and they would from their territorial
extent, their commercial enterprise, their mineral wealth, their
wonderful agricultural productions, and, above all, their intelligent,
industrious, and still loyal population, in time form a nation second
to none on earth, until then I prefer to be a citizen of the world.
“‘I once asked an Indian where he lived, I meant of course where his
camp was, but the question was too broad, and puzzled him. Stretching
out his arm and describing a circle with his heel, he said, ‘I live in
all these woods!’ Like him, I live in all this world. Those who, like
the English and Americans, have appropriated so large a portion of it
to themselves, may severally boast, if they think proper, of their
respective governments and territories. My boast, Sir, is a peculiar
one, that I have nothing to boast of.’
“‘If such are your views,’ I said, ‘I must say, I do not understand
that absurd act of firing your parliament house. It is, I assure you,
reprobated everywhere. Our folks say your party commenced as old
_Hunkers_1 and ended as _Barnburners_.’
1 “We have been requested to give a definition of this term, ‘Old
Hunkers.’ Party nicknames are not often logically justified; and we can
only say that that section of the late dominant party in this State
(the democratic) which claims to be the more radical, progressive,
reformatory, &c., bestowed the appellation of ‘Old Hunker’ on the other
section, to indicate that it was distinguished by opposite qualities
from those claimed for itself. We believe the title was also intended
to indicate that those on whom it was conferred had an appetite for a
large ‘hunk’ of the spoils, though we never could discover that they
were peculiar in that. On the other hand, the opposite school was
termed ‘Barnburners,’ in allusion to the story of an old Dutchman, who
relieved himself of rats by burning his barns, which they infested—just
like exterminating all banks and corporations to root out the abuses
connected therewith. The fitness or unfitness of these family terms of
endearment is none of our business.”—NEW YORK TRIBUNE.
“That remark threw him off his guard; he rose up greatly agitated; his
eyes flashed fire, and he extended out his arm as if he intended by
gesticulation to give full force to what he was about to say. He stood
in this attitude for a moment without uttering a word, when by a sudden
effort he mastered himself, and took up his hat to walk out on the
terrace and recover his composure.
“As he reached the door, he turned, and said:
“‘The assenting to that infamous indemnity act, Mr Slick, and the still
more disreputable manner in which it received the gubernational
sanction, has produced an impression in Canada that no loyal man—’ but
he again checked himself, and left the sentence unfinished.
“I was sorry I had pushed him so hard, but the way he tried to evade
the subject at first, the bitterness of his tone, and the excitement
into which the allusion threw him, convinced me that the English
neither know who their real friends in Canada are, nor how to retain
their affections.
“When he returned, I said to him, ‘I was only jesting about your having
no grievances in Canada, and I regret having agitated you. I agree with
you however that it is of no use to remonstrate with the English
public. They won’t listen to you. If you want to be heard, attract
their attention, in the first instance, by talking of their own
immediate concerns, and while they are regarding you with intense
interest and anxiety, by a sleight of hand shift the dissolving view,
and substitute a sketch of your own. For instance, says you, ‘How is it
the army in the Crimea had no tents in the autumn, and no huts in the
winter—the hospitals no fittings, and the doctors no nurses or
medicines? How is it disease and neglect have killed more men than the
enemy? Why is England the laughing-stock of Russia, and the butt of
French and Yankee ridicule? and how does it happen this country is
filled with grief and humiliation from one end of it to the other? I
will tell you. These affairs were managed _by a branch of the Colonial
Office._ The minister for that department said to the army, as he did
to the distant provinces, ‘Manage your own affairs, and don’t bother
us.’ Then pause and say, slowly and emphatically, ‘_You now have a
taste of what we have endured in the colonies. The same incompetency
has ruled over both_.’”
“‘Good heavens,’ said he, ‘Mr Slick. I wish you was one of us.’
“‘Thank you for the compliment.’ sais I. ‘I feel flattered, I assure
you; but, excuse me. I have no such ambition. I am content to be a
humble Yankee clockmaker. _A Colonial Office, in which there is not a
single man that ever saw a colony, is not exactly the government to
suit me. The moment I found my master knew less than I did, I quit his
school and set up for myself.’_
‘Yes, my friend, the English want to have the mirror held up to them;
but that is your business and not mine. It would be out of place for
me. I am a Yankee, and politics are not my line; I have no turn for
them, and I don’t think I have the requisite knowledge of the subject
for discussing it; but you have both, and I wonder you don’t.
“Now, Doctor, you may judge from that conversation, and the deep
feeling it exhibits, that men’s thoughts are wandering in new channels.
The great thing for a statesman is to direct them to the right one. I
have said there were three courses to be considered; first,
incorporation with England; secondly, independence; thirdly,
annexation. The subject is too large for a quarter-deck walk, so I will
only say a few words more. Let’s begin with annexation first. The
thinking, reflecting people among us don’t want these provinces. We
guess we are big enough already, and nothing but our great rivers,
canals, railroads, and telegraphs (which, like skewers in a round of
beef, fasten the unwieldy mass together) could possibly keep us united.
Without them we should fall to pieces in no time. It’s as much as they
can keep all tight and snug now; but them skewers nor no others can tie
a greater bulk than we have. Well, I don’t think colonists want to be
swamped in our vast republic either. So there ain’t no great danger
from that, unless the devil gits into us both, which, if a favourable
chance offered, he is not onlikely to do. So let that pass. Secondly,
as to incorporation. That is a grand idea, but it is almost too grand
for John Bull’s head, and a little grain too large for his pride. There
are difficulties, and serious ones, in the way. It would require
participation in the legislature, which would involve knocking off some
of the Irish brigade to make room for your members; and there would be
a hurrush at that, as O’Connell used to say, that would bang Banaghar.
It would also involve an invasion of the upper house, for colonists
won’t take half a loaf now, I tell you; which would make some o’ those
gouty old lords fly round and scream like Mother Cary’s chickens in a
gale of wind; and then there would be the story of the national debt,
and a participation in imperial taxes to adjust, and so on; but none of
these difficulties are insuperable.
“A statesman with a clever head, a sound judgment, and a good heart,
could adjust a scheme that would satisfy all; at least it would satisfy
colonists by its justice, and reconcile the peers and the people of
England by its expediency, for the day Great Britain parts with these
colonies, depend upon it, she descends in the scale of nations most
rapidly. India she may lose any day, for it is a government of opinion
only. Australia will emancipate itself ere long, but these provinces
she may and ought to retain.
“Thirdly, independence. This is better for her than annexation by a
long chalk, and better for the colonies too, if I was allowed to spend
my opinion on it; but if that is decided upon, something must be done
soon. The way ought to be prepared for it by an immediate federative
and legislative union of them all. It is of no use to consult their
governors, they don’t and they can’t know anything of the country but
its roads, lakes, rivers, and towns; but of the people they know
nothing whatever. You might as well ask the steeple of a wooden church
whether the sill that rests on the stone foundation is sound. They are
too big according to their own absurd notions, too small in the eyes of
colonists, and too far removed and unbending to know anything about it.
What can a man learn in five years except the painful fact, that he
knew nothing when he came, and knows as little when he leaves? He can
form a better estimate of himself than when he landed, and returns a
humbler, but not a wiser man; but that’s all his schoolin’ ends in. No,
_Sirree,_ it’s only men like you and me who know the ins and outs of
the people here.”
“Don’t say me,” said the doctor, “for goodness’ sake, for I know
nothing about the inhabitants of these woods and waters, but the birds,
the fish, and the beasts.”
“Don’t you include politicians,” said I, “of all shades and colours,
under the last genus? because I do, they are regular beasts of prey.”
Well, he laughed; he said he didn’t know nothing about them.
“Well,” sais I, “I ain’t so modest, I can tell you, for I _do_ know. I
am a clockmaker, and understand machinery. I know all about the wheels,
pulleys, pendulum, balances, and so on, the length of the chain, and
what is best of all, the way to wind ’em up, set ’em a going, and make
’em keep time. Now, Doctor, I’ll tell you what neither the English nor
the Yankees, nor the colonists themselves, know anything of, and that
is about the extent and importance of these North American provinces
under British rule. Take your pencil now, and write down a few facts I
will give you, and when you are alone meditating, just chew on ’em.
“First—there are four millions of square miles of territory in them,
whereas all Europe has but three millions some odd hundred thousands,
and our almighty, everlastin’ United States still less than that again.
Canada alone is equal in size to Great Britain, France, and Prussia.
The maritime provinces themselves cover a space as large as Holland,
Belgium, Greece, Portugal, and Switzerland, all put together. The
imports for 1853 were between ten and eleven millions, and the exports
(ships sold included) between nine and ten millions. At the
commencement of the American Revolution, when we first dared the
English to fight us, we had but two and a half, these provinces now
contain nearly three, and in half a century will reach the enormous
amount of eighteen millions of inhabitants. The increase of population
in the States is thirty-three per cent., in Canada sixty-eight. The
united revenue is nearly a million and a half, and their shipping
amounts to four hundred and fifty thousand tons.
“Now, take these facts and see what an empire is here, surely the best
in climate, soil, mineral, and other productions in the world, and
peopled by such a race as no other country under heaven can produce.
No, Sir, here are _the bundle of sticks_, all they want is to be well
united. How absurd it seems to us Yankees that England is both so
ignorant and so blind to her own interests, as not to give her
attention to this interesting portion of the empire, that in natural
and commercial wealth is of infinitely more importance than half a
dozen Wallachias and Moldavias, and in loyalty, intelligence, and
enterprise, as far superior to turbulent Ireland as it is possible for
one country to surpass another. However, Doctor, it’s no affair of
mine. I hate politics, and I hate talking figures. Sposin’ we try a
cigar, and _some white satin_.”