_House of Commons, Monday, March 18._--Navy Estimates on again, with the
First Lord listening patiently from otherwise empty Peers' Gallery, and
ROBERTSON making admirable play from Treasury Bench. Chivalrous soul of
Cap'en TOMMY BOWLES moved to admit that, after all, there had been worse
First Lords than SPENCER, and more uncivil Lords than ROBERTSON. Private
HANBURY thinks this is weakness. If his colleague in charge of the Navy
is to talk like that, he (the Private) will be expected, when the Army
Estimates came on, to say something nice about CAWMELL-BANNERMAN, to
acknowledge WOODALL'S keen grip over the business of his department, and
the courtesy with which he discharges his Ministerial duties.
ALLAN o'Gateshead on again with more "Rough Castings." Last time House
in Committee on Navy Estimates he spread feeling of genuine alarm by
denouncing the British boiler. "Who," he thundered, "is responsible for
the engines of the Royal Navy? Where is the _Hornet_ you trumpeted so
loudly a year ago? Where," he continued, bending beetling brows on Civil
Lord of the Admiralty, "are her boilers?"
"Bust," said GORST, with guilty look. Not that he had had anything to do
with the business, but because at this moment ALLAN o'Gateshead chanced
to fix a pair of flaming eyes upon his shrinking figure, seated almost
immediately opposite at end of Front Bench.
"Where is the _Hornet_ now? Why, lying in Portsmouth Yard, with her
boilers out of her, a useless hulk."
ALLAN is so big, so burly, wears so much hair, writes poetry, is
understood to be in the boiler business himself, and, withal, addresses
the Chairman with such terrific volume of voice, that a panic might have
ensued only for JOHN PENN. PENN head of great engineering firm of old
standing and high repute. Understood to have engined fleet of five ships
with which DRAKE made things hot for Spain along the coasts of Chili and
Peru. However that be, PENN now made it hot for ALLAN o'Gateshead.
Showed in quite business-like fashion that ALLAN'S poetic fancy had run
away with him. Convinced grateful Committee that British boiler, on
which safety of State may be said to rest, is all right. A model speech,
brief, pointed. A man with something to say, who straightway sits down
when he's said it. As the poet (not ALLAN o' Gateshead) says,
He came as a boon and a blessing to men,
The modest, the lucid, clear-pointed J. PENN.
_Business done._--Committee voted trifle over four millions as wages for
JACK.
_Tuesday._--Alderman COTTON, once Lord Mayor of London, a prominent
and popular member of the DISRAELI Parliament, left behind him the
memory of one of those things we all would like to say if we could. In
the long series of debates on resolutions moved from Front Opposition
Bench challenging Jingo policy of the day, the Alderman interposed.
"Sir," he said, "this is a solemn moment. Looking towards the East we
perceive the crisis so imminent that it requires only a spark to let
slip the dogs of war."
[Illustration: _MacGregor_ (_as "The Dougal Creature"_). "I'll pass from
that point."]
That was, and remains, inimitable. But to-night the MACGREGOR came very
near its supreme excellence. Stirred to profoundest depths by demands
upon Naval Expenditure. Popping up and down like piston in the
engine-room of Clyde steamer; wrath grew as MELLOR, failing to see him,
called on other speakers. The MACGREGOR knew all about that; a reckless
corrupt Government, afraid of hearing the voice of honest criticism, had
suborned Chairman of Committees to prevent his speaking. But they didn't
know the MACGREGOR. After something like two hours physical exercise in
the way of jumping up and down he caught the Chairman's eye, and (in
Parliamentary sense, of course) punched it. Then "passing from point to
point," as he airily put it, he went for ROBERTSON. Asked the appalled
Civil Lord of the Admiralty what he supposed his constituents in Dundee
would say when they read his speech, in which bang went millions as if
they were saxpences? "What will the worthy citizens say, Mr. MELLOR?" he
repeated. "Why they will say, 'Ma conscience!'"
Never since _Dominie Sampson_ made this remark has so much fervour and
good Scotch accent been thrown in. "Where's the CHANCELLOR OF THE
EXCHEQUER?" MACGREGOR presently asked, evidently eager for fresh blood.
"That has nothing to do with the question," said the Chairman, severely.
"Oh, hasn't it?" jeered the MACGREGOR. "I want to ask him what he has
done with our money?"
Vision instantly conjured up before eyes of Committee of SQUIRE OF
MALWOOD prowling about town with his pockets loaded with £4,132,500.
voted to defray the charge for wages in the Navy, flinging the cash
about like JACK ashore, making the most of his time before Local Veto
became the law of the land.
It was later that the MACGREGOR came in unconscious competition with
Alderman COTTON. Leaving the Navy for a moment he surveyed the Continent
of Europe peopled with armed men. "Why!" he cried with comprehensive
sweep of his arm, "these great armies are like fighting cocks. The least
spark blows them up like magazines of powder."
Not quite so good it will be seen as the Alderman, but good enough for
these degenerate days. Effect on Admiral FIELD so exciting that he was
presently discovered chasing the SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE all over
House, desiring, as he said, to "pin him to his words."
_Business done._--Supplementary Estimates voted.
[Illustration: Admiral Field pinning the Hon. Member to his words.]
_Thursday._--Curious to note the coyness with which House approaches
real business. To-day Welsh Disestablishment Bill comes on for Second
Reading. Its passing this stage a foregone conclusion. The work of
criticism, correction, possible re-moulding, will be done in Committee.
Committee is the Providence that shapes the ends of Bills, rough hew
them how we may in the draughtsman's hands or on the second reading. For
all practical purposes second-reading debate might be concluded at
to-night's sitting. It extended over seven clear hours. Given twenty
minutes per speech, the maximum length for useful purposes, twenty-one
members, more than the House cares to hear, might have spoken. The time
saved, if necessary, added on to opportunity in Committee.
That, however, not the way we do business here. Disestablishment Bill a
measure of first importance; must be treated accordingly. So after
ASQUITH talks for an hour and a quarter, HICKS-BEACH caps him by speech
hour and half long, which nearly empties House. Afterwards a dreary
night. Papers on subject read by Members, who rise alternately from
either side. Few listen; newspaper reports cruelly curt; nevertheless,
it's the thing to do, and will go on through at least four sittings. On
last night men whom House want to hear will speak, as they might have
spoken on first night. Then the division, and minor Members who have
missed their chance will endeavour to work off their paper in Committee.
_Business done._--Second reading Welsh Church Disestablishment Bill
moved.
_Friday._--Shall M.P.'s be paid out of public purse? Dividing to-night
176 say Yes, 158 stern patriots say No. GEORGE CURZON, fresh from the
Pamirs and still later from a sick bed, leads opposition. SQUIRE OF
MALWOOD is in favour of payment: darkly hints that when the time comes
he will find the cash. This, though a little obscure, looks like
business.
"I expect," said the Member for SARK, "we shall live to see the day
when, on Friday afternoons, Palace Yard will be crowded with Members
waiting to take their weekly money. Suppose they'll go the whole hog,
give us what the navvies call a 'sub,' that is, let us draw in middle of
the week something on account. Of course we shall have the full
privilege of strikes. We'll 'go out' if we think our wages should be
raised. Sure to be some blacklegs who will skulk in by central lobby and
offer to do a day's talking on the old terms. But we'll have pickets and
all that sort of thing. Sometimes we'll march in a body to Hyde Park,
and Baron FERDY will address us from a waggon on the rights of man and
the iniquity of underpaying M.P.'s. I see a high old time coming. Shall
put in early claim for a secretaryship. Always a good billet."
_Business done._--Welsh Disestablishment Bill threw a gloom over morning
sitting. GEORGE OSBORNE MORGAN, supporting Bill, mentioned that in
episcopal circles he is regarded as "a profligate"! There is, sometimes,
a naughty look about him. But this is really going too far, even for a
bishop.
Transcriber Notes:
Passages in italics were indicated by _underscores_.
Small caps were replaced with ALL CAPS.
Throughout the dialogues, there were words used to mimic accents of
the speakers. Those words were retained as-is.
Errors in punctuations and inconsistent hyphenation were not corrected
unless otherwise noted.
On page 149, "convined" was replaced with "convinced".
On page 149, "wont" was replaced with "won't".
On page 156, a period was added after "Tuesday".
On page 156, "covness" was replaced with "coyness".