MISTRESS MORONY.
It was about ten days after the conversation recorded in the last
chapter between Mr. Robinson and Mr. Poppins that an affair was
brought about through the imprudence and dishonesty of Mr. Jones,
which for some time prevented that settlement of matters on which Mr.
Robinson had resolved. During those ten days he had been occupied in
bringing his resolution to a fixed point; and then, when the day and
hour had come in which he intended to act, that event occurred which,
disgraceful as it is to the annals of the Firm, must now be told.
There are certain small tricks of trade, well known to the lower
class of houses in that business to which Brown, Jones, and Robinson
had devoted themselves, which for a time may no doubt be profitable,
but which are very apt to bring disgrace and ruin upon those who
practise them. To such tricks as these Mr. Jones was wedded, and by
none of the arguments which he used in favour of a high moral tone
of commerce could Robinson prevail upon his partner to abandon them.
Nothing could exceed the obstinacy and blindness of Mr. Jones during
these discussions. When it was explained to him that the conduct he
was pursuing was hardly removed,--nay, it was not removed,--from
common swindling, he would reply that it was quite as honest as
Mr. Robinson's advertisements. He would quote especially those
Katakairion shirts which were obtained from Hodges, and of which the
sale at 39_s._ 6_d._ the half-dozen had by dint of a wide circulation
of notices become considerable. "If that isn't swindling, I don't
know what is," said Jones.
"Do you know what Katakairion means?" said Robinson.
"No; I don't," said Jones. "And I don't want to know."
"Katakairion means 'fitting,'" said Robinson; "and the purchaser has
only to take care that the shirt he buys does fit, and then it is
Katakairion."
"But we didn't invent them."
"We invented the price and the name, and that's as much as anybody
does. But that is not all. It's a well-understood maxim in trade,
that a man may advertise whatever he chooses. We advertise to attract
notice, not to state facts. But it's a mean thing to pass off a false
article over the counter. If you will ticket your goods, you should
sell them according to the ticket."
At first, the other partners had not objected to this ticketing, as
the practice is now common, and there is at first sight an apparent
honesty about it which has its seduction. A lady seeing 21_s._ 7_d._
marked on a mantle in the window, is able to contemplate the desired
piece of goods and to compare it, in silent leisure, with her
finances. She can use all her power of eye, but, as a compensation to
the shopkeeper, is debarred from the power of touch; and then, having
satisfied herself as to the value of the thing inspected, she can go
in and buy without delay or trouble to the vendor. But it has been
found by practice that so true are the eyes of ladies that it is
useless to expose in shop-windows articles which are not good of
their kind, and cheap at the price named. To attract customers in
this way, real bargains must be exhibited; and when this is done,
ladies take advantage of the unwary tradesman, and unintended
sacrifices are made. George Robinson soon perceived this, and
suggested that the ticketing should be abandoned. Jones, however,
persevered, observing that he knew how to remedy the evil inherent
in the system. Hence difficulties arose, and, ultimately, disgrace,
which was very injurious to the Firm, and went near to break the
heart of Mr. Brown.
According to Jones's plan, the articles ticketed in the window were
not, under any circumstances, to be sold. The shopmen, indeed, were
forbidden to remove them from their positions under any entreaties or
threats from the customers. The customer was to be at first informed,
with all the blandishment at the shopman's command, that the goods
furnished within the shop were exact counterparts of those exposed.
Then the shopman was to argue that the arrangements of the window
could not be disturbed. And should a persistent purchaser after that
insist on a supposed legal right, to buy the very thing ticketed,
Mr. Jones was to be called; in which case Mr. Jones would inform the
persistent purchaser that she was regarded as unreasonable, violent,
and disagreeable; and that, under such circumstances, her custom
was not wanted by Brown, Jones, and Robinson. The disappointed
female would generally leave the shop with some loud remarks as to
swindling, dishonesty, and pettifogging, to which Mr. Jones could
turn a deaf ear. But sometimes worse than this would ensue; ladies
would insist on their rights; scrambles would occur in order that
possession of the article might be obtained; the assistants in the
shop would not always take part with Mr. Jones; and, as has been
before said, serious difficulties would arise.
There can be no doubt that Jones was very wrong. He usually was
wrong. His ideas of trade were mean, limited, and altogether
inappropriate to business on a large scale. But, nevertheless, we
cannot pass on to the narration of a circumstance as it did occur,
without expressing our strong abhorrence of those ladies who are
desirous of purchasing cheap goods to the manifest injury of the
tradesmen from whom they buy them. The ticketing of goods at prices
below their value is not to our taste, but the purchasing of such
goods is less so. The lady who will take advantage of a tradesman,
that she may fill her house with linen, or cover her back with
finery, at his cost, and in a manner which her own means would
not fairly permit, is, in our estimation,--a robber. It is often
necessary that tradesmen should advertise tremendous sacrifices.
It is sometimes necessary that they should actually make such
sacrifices. Brown, Jones, and Robinson have during their career
been driven to such a necessity. They have smiled upon their female
customers, using their sweetest blandishments, while those female
customers have abstracted their goods at prices almost nominal.
Brown, Jones, and Robinson, in forcing such sales, have been coerced
by the necessary laws of trade; but while smiling with all their
blandishments, they have known that the ladies on whom they have
smiled have been--robbers.
Why is it that commercial honesty has so seldom charms for women? A
woman who would give away the last shawl from her back will insist on
smuggling her gloves through the Custom-house! Who can make a widow
understand that she should not communicate with her boy in the
colonies under the dishonest cover of a newspaper? Is not the passion
for cheap purchases altogether a female mania? And yet every cheap
purchase,--every purchase made at a rate so cheap as to deny the
vendor his fair profit is, in truth, a dishonesty;--a dishonesty to
which the purchaser is indirectly a party. Would that women could be
taught to hate bargains! How much less useless trash would there be
in our houses, and how much fewer tremendous sacrifices in our shops!
Brown, Jones, and Robinson, when they had been established some six
or eight months, had managed to procure from a house in the silk
trade a few black silk mantles of a very superior description. The
lot had been a remnant, and had been obtained with sundry other goods
at a low figure. But, nevertheless, the proper price at which the
house could afford to sell them would exceed the mark of general
purchasers in Bishopsgate Street. These came into Mr. Jones' hands,
and he immediately resolved to use them for the purposes of the
window. Some half-dozen of them were very tastefully arranged upon
racks, and were marked at prices which were very tempting to ladies
of discernment. In the middle of one window there was a copious
mantle, of silk so thick that it stood almost alone, very full in
its dimensions, and admirable in its fashion. This mantle, which
would not have been dearly bought for 3_l._ 10_s._ or 4_l._, was
injudiciously ticketed at 38_s._ 11½_d._ "It will bring dozens of
women to the shop," said Jones, "and we have an article of the same
shape and colour, which we can do at that price uncommonly well."
Whether or no the mantle had brought dozens of women into the shop,
cannot now be said, but it certainly brought one there whom Brown,
Jones, and Robinson will long remember.
Mrs. Morony was an Irishwoman who, as she assured the magistrates in
Worship Street, had lived in the very highest circles in Limerick,
and had come from a princely stock in the neighbouring county of
Glare. She was a full-sized lady, not without a certain amount
of good looks, though at the period of her intended purchase in
Bishopsgate Street, she must have been nearer fifty than forty. Her
face was florid, if not red, her arms were thick and powerful, her
eyes were bright, but, as seen by Brown, Jones, and Robinson, not
pleasant to the view, and she always carried with her an air of
undaunted resolution. When she entered the shop, she was accompanied
by a thin, acrid, unmarried female friend, whose feminine charms by
no means equalled her own. She might be of about the same age, but
she had more of the air and manner of advanced years. Her nose was
long, narrow and red; her eyes were set very near together; she was
tall and skimpy in all her proportions; and her name was Miss Biles.
Of the name and station of Mrs. Morony, or of Miss Biles, nothing
was of course known when they entered the shop; but with all these
circumstances, B., J., and R. were afterwards made acquainted.
"I believe I'll just look at that pelisse, if you plaze," said Mrs.
Morony, addressing herself to a young man who stood near to the
window in which the mantle was displayed.
"Certainly, ma'am," said the man. "If you'll step this way, I'll show
you the article."
"I see the article there," said Mrs. Morony, poking at it with her
parasol. Standing where she did she was just able to touch it in this
way. "That's the one I mane, with the price;--how much was it, Miss
Biles?"
"One, eighteen, eleven and a halfpenny," said Miss Biles, who had
learned the figures by heart before she ventured to enter the shop.
"If you'll do me the favour to step this way I'll show you the same
article," said the man, who was now aware that it was his first duty
to get the ladies away from that neighbourhood.
But Mrs. Morony did not move. "It's the one there that I'm asking
ye for," said she, pointing again, and pointing this time with the
hooked end of her parasol. "I'll throuble ye, young man, to show me
the article with the ticket."
"The identical pelisse, if you please, sir," said Miss Biles, "which
you there advertise as for sale at one, eighteen, eleven and a
halfpenny." And then she pressed her lips together, and looked at the
shopman with such vehemence that her two eyes seemed to grow into
one.
The poor man knew that he was in a difficulty, and cast his eyes
across the shop for assistance. Jones, who in his own branch was ever
on the watch,--and let praise for that diligence be duly given to
him,--had seen from the first what was in the wind. From the moment
in which the stout lady had raised her parasol he felt that a battle
was imminent; but he had thought it prudent to abstain awhile from
the combat himself. He hovered near, however, as personal protection
might be needed on behalf of the favourite ornament of his window.
"I'll throuble you, if you plaze, sir, to raich me that pelisse,"
said Mrs. Morony.
"We never disturb our window," said the man, "but we keep the same
article in the shop."
"Don't you be took in by that, Mrs. Morony," said Miss Biles.
"I don't mane," said Mrs. Morony. "I shall insist, sir--"
Now was the moment in which, as Jones felt, the interference of the
general himself was necessary. Mrs. Morony was in the act of turning
herself well round towards the window, so as to make herself sure
of her prey when she should resolve on grasping it. Miss Biles had
already her purse in her hand, ready to pay the legal claim. It was
clear to be seen that the enemy was of no mean skill and of great
valour. The intimidation of Mrs. Morony might be regarded as a feat
beyond the power of man. Her florid countenance had already become
more than ordinarily rubicund, and her nostrils were breathing anger.
"Ma'am," said Mr. Jones, stepping up and ineffectually attempting to
interpose himself between her and the low barrier which protected
the goods exposed to view, "the young man has already told you that
we cannot disarrange the window. It is not our habit to do so. If
you will do me the honour to walk to a chair, he shall show you any
articles which you may desire to inspect."
"Don't you be done," whispered Miss Biles.
"I don't mane, if I know it," said Mrs. Morony, standing her ground
manfully. "I don't desire to inspect anything,--only that pelisse."
"I am sorry that we cannot gratify you," said Mr. Jones.
"But you must gratify me. It's for sale, and the money's on it."
"You shall have the same article at the same price;" and Mr. Jones,
as he spoke, endeavoured to press the lady out of her position. "But
positively you cannot have that. We never break through our rules."
"Chaiting the public is the chief of your rules, I'm thinking," said
Mrs. Morony; "but you'll not find it so aisy to chait me. Pay them
the money down on the counter, Miss Biles, dear." And so saying she
thrust forth her parasol, and succeeded in her attempt to dislodge
the prey. Knowing well where to strike her blow and obtain a hold,
she dragged forth the mantle, and almost got it into her left hand.
But Jones could not stand by and see his firm thus robbed. Dreadful
as was his foe in spirit, size, and strength, his manliness was too
great for this. So he also dashed forward, and was the first to grasp
the silk.
"Are you going to rob the shop?" said he.
"Is it rob?" said Mrs. Morony. "By the powers, thin, ye're the
biggest blag-guard my eyes have seen since I've been in London, and
that's saying a long word. Is it rob to me? I'll tell you what it is,
young man,--av you don't let your fingers off this pelisse that I've
purchased, I'll have you before the magisthrates for stailing it.
Have you paid the money down, dear?"
Miss Biles was busy counting out the cash, but no one was at hand to
take it from her. It was clear that the two confederates had prepared
themselves at all points for the contest, having, no doubt, more than
once inspected the article from the outside,--for Miss Biles had
the exact sum ready, done to the odd halfpenny. "There," said she,
appealing to the young man who was nearest to her, "one, eighteen,
eleven, and a halfpenny." But the young man was deaf to the charmer,
even though she charmed with ready money. "May I trouble you to see
that the cash is right." But the young man would not be troubled.
"You'd a deal better leave it go, ma'am," said Jones, "or I shall be
obliged to send for the police."
"Is it the police? Faith, thin, and I think you'd better send! Give
me my mantilla, I say. It's bought and paid for at your own price."
By this time there was a crowd in the shop, and Jones, in his anxiety
to defend the establishment, had closed with Mrs. Morony, and was,
as it were, wrestling with her. His effort, no doubt, had been to
disengage her hand from the unfortunate mantle; but in doing so, he
was led into some slight personal violence towards the lady. And now
Miss Biles, having deposited her money, attacked him from behind,
declaring that her friend would be murdered.
"Come, hands off. A woman's a woman always!" said one of the crowd
who had gathered round them.
"What does the man mean by hauling a female about that way?" said
another.
"The poor crathur's nigh murthered wid him intirely," said a
countrywoman from the street.
"If she's bought the thingumbob at your own price, why don't you give
it her?" asked a fourth.
"I'll be hanged if she shall have it!" said Jones, panting for
breath. He was by no means deficient in spirit on such an occasion as
this.
"And it's my belief you will be hanged," said Miss Biles, who was
still working away at his back.
The scene was one which was not creditable to the shop of English
tradesmen in the nineteenth century. The young men and girls had come
round from behind the counter, but they made no attempt to separate
the combatants. Mr. Jones was not loved among them, and the chance of
war seemed to run very much in favour of the lady. One discreet youth
had gone out in quest of a policeman, but he was not successful in
his search till he had walked half a mile from the door. Mr. Jones
was at last nearly smothered in the encounter, for the great weight
and ample drapery of Mrs. Morony were beginning to tell upon him.
When she got his back against the counter, it was as though a feather
bed was upon him. In the meantime the unfortunate mantle had fared
badly between them, and was now not worth the purchase-money which,
but ten minutes since, had been so eagerly tendered for it.
Things were in this state when Mr. Brown slowly descended into the
arena, while George Robinson, standing at the distant doorway in the
back, looked on with blushing cheeks. One of the girls had explained
to Mr. Brown what was the state of affairs, and he immediately
attempted to throw oil on the troubled waters.
"Wherefore all this noise?" he said, raising both his hands as he
advanced slowly to the spot. "Mr. Jones, I implore you to desist!"
But Mr. Jones was wedged down upon the counter, and could not desist.
"Madam, what can I do for you?" And he addressed himself to the back
of Mrs. Marony, which was still convulsed violently by her efforts to
pummel Mr. Jones.
"I believe he's well nigh killed her; I believe he has," said Miss
Biles.
Then, at last, the discreet youth returned with three policemen, and
the fight was at an end. That the victory was with Mrs. Morony nobody
could doubt. She held in her hand all but the smallest fragment of
the mantle,--the price of which, however, Miss Biles had been careful
to repocket,--and showed no sign of exhaustion, whereas Jones was
speechless. But, nevertheless, she was in tears, and appealed loudly
to the police and to the crowd as to her wrongs.
"I'm fairly murthered with him, thin, so I am,--the baist, the
villain, the swindhler. What am I to do at all, and my things all
desthroyed? Look at this, thin!" and she held up the cause of war.
"Did mortial man iver see the like of that? And I'm beaten black and
blue wid him,--so I am." And then she sobbed violently.
"So you are, Mrs. Morony," said Miss Biles. "He to call himself a man
indeed, and to go to strike a woman!"
"It's thrue for you, dear," continued Mrs. Morony. "Policemen, mind,
I give him in charge. You're all witnesses, I give that man in
charge."
Mr. Jones, also, was very eager to secure the intervention of the
police,--much more so than was Mr. Brown, who was only anxious that
everybody should retire. Mr. Jones could never be made to understand
that he had in any way been wrong. "A firm needn't sell an article
unless it pleases," he argued to the magistrate. "A firm is bound
to make good its promises, sir," replied the gentleman in Worship
Street. "And no respectable firm would for a moment hesitate to do
so." And then he made some remarks of a very severe nature.
Mr. Brown did all that he could to prevent the affair from becoming
public. He attempted to bribe Mrs. Morony by presenting her with
the torn mantle; but she accepted the gift, and then preferred her
complaint. He bribed the policemen, also; but, nevertheless, the
matter got into the newspaper reports. The daily Jupiter, of course,
took it up,--for what does it not take up in its solicitude for poor
British human nature?--and tore Brown, Jones, and Robinson to pieces
in a leading article. No punishment could be inflicted on the firm,
for, as the magistrate said, no offence could be proved. The lady,
also, had certainly been wrong to help herself. But the whole affair
was damaging in the extreme to Magenta House, and gave a terrible
check to that rapid trade which had already sprang up under the
influence of an extended system of advertising.