_Tuesday, April 25th._--The Government, which has sometimes been accused
of not having sufficient confidence in the House of Commons, has made
ample amends. Information about the Army, too grave to be imparted to
the people who provide the men and the means for maintaining it, is to
be freely given to four or five hundred Members of Parliament (not to
mention a similar number of Peers).
The PRIME MINISTER opened the Secret Session in one of his briefest
speeches. "Mr. Speaker," he said, "I beg, Sir, to call your attention to
the fact that strangers are present." The historic form of this
advertisement, "I spy strangers;" is briefer still, but inadmissible in
these ticklish times. One does not want to see, in the enemy Press,
"British Prime Minister confesses to spying."
Then the Press Gallery was cleared, and the Great Inquest of the Nation
became a Vehmgericht. The wretched scribe who should attempt to peer
behind the veil that shrouds its proceedings has been warned in advance
of the unnamed pains and penalties that await him if he should venture
to describe or even "refer to" the proceedings of the Secret Session. I
am unable to say, therefore, whether it is true that the occupants of
the Treasury Bench forthwith donned helmets and gas-masks to protect
themselves from the fiery darts and mephitic vapours launched at them
from above and below the Gangway.
On these picturesque details the official report, compiled by Mr.
SPEAKER, who is understood to have seized the opportunity offered by his
recent stay at Bath to learn Pitman's shorthand, is unfortunately
silent.
All we learn from its severely restrained pages is that the PRIME
MINISTER made a long statement about recruiting. From this we gather
that if fifty thousand of the unattested married men do not enlist
before the end of May they will be compelled to do so; and that
altogether the Government will insist on getting 200,000 men from this
source. The German General Staff will be surprised to learn that our
requirements are so modest, and will wonder, as we do, what all the
pother is about.
Perhaps Mr. LOWTHER did not take notes of the other speeches that were
delivered. At any rate he gives us no indication of their drift. All we
know is that in the course of some seven hours no fewer than sixteen
Members addressed the House. From this it may be inferred that the
absence of reporters has at least the negative advantage of conducing to
brevity of utterance. May we also infer that the speaking was as plain
as it was brief, and that for the time being the Palace of Westminster
has become the Palace of Truth?
[Illustration: Unique sketch by _Punch_ artist (concealed in clock
opposite), showing how the last reporter was detected in the Press
Gallery by the aid of a giant periscope.]
_Wednesday, April 26th._--So far as we are permitted to know what took
place--for the House of Commons had another Secret Session--in both
Houses it was Ireland, Ireland all the way. The Commons began by
granting a return relating to Irish Lunacy accounts, and then by an easy
transition passed to the report of the Sinn Fein rebellion in Dublin.
Colonel SHARMAN-CRAWFORD, who bears a name that all Ireland has solid
reason to respect, desiring to return to his native country, asked Mr.
BIRRELL what routes, if any, were open. Mr. BIRRELL did not know, but
intimated genially that he might be able to take absence of over the
gallant Colonel under his own protecting wing. The House appeared to
find humour in the idea of the CHIEF SECRETARY returning to his post,
and an Hon. Member inquired why he had ever left it.
The PRIME MINISTER gave a brief and, so far as it went, rosy-coloured
report of the situation in Dublin. Some Nationalist Volunteers were
helping the Government. The forces of the Crown were to be further
strengthened by a party of American journalists, armed to the teeth with
quick-firing pencils, who were going over to deal with "this most recent
German campaign."
This may have reminded Mr. ASQUITH that there were British journalists
in the Press Gallery. The DEPUTY SPEAKER'S attention having been called
to this fact, the House voted for their expulsion, and again passed into
Secret Session.
The Lords were again in Open Session, to the regret, perhaps, of the
Government representatives, who heard some very plain speaking from Lord
MIDDLETON. According to his information the rebels were still in
possession of important parts of Dublin. The Government had been warned
on Sunday last that an outbreak was imminent, but had nevertheless
allowed many officers to go on leave, while others were permitted to
assist at the races on Monday.
_Thursday, April 21th._--Mr. GINNELL does not believe in the supineness
of the Irish Executive. His information is that quite a long time ago it
had resolved to place Dublin in a state of siege, to imprison Archbishop
WALSH and the LORD MAYOR in their respective official residences, and to
arrest the leaders of sundry Nationalist associations. Mr. T. W.
RUSSELL, as spokesman for the ruthless Mr. BIRRELL, denied emphatically
that these drastic steps had been contemplated.
The PRIME MINISTER subsequently announced that the situation still had
"serious features." This mild phrase covers the continued possession by
the rebels of important parts of Dublin, the prevalence of street
fighting, and the spread of the insurrection to the wild West. Martial
law had been proclaimed all over the country; Sir JOHN MAXWELL had been
sent over in supreme command, and the Irish Government had been placed
under his orders--the last part of this announcement being greeted with
especially loud cheers.
Sir EDWARD CARSON and Mr. JOHN REDMOND joined in expressing horror of
this rebellion and hoped that the Press would not make it an excuse for
reviving political dissension on Irish matters--a sufficient rebuke to
_The Westminster Gazette_ and _The Star_, both of which by a curious
coincidence had found the moment auspicious for preaching from the text
of the old tag, "There but for the grace of God," etc.
Sir H. DALZIEL attempted to secure an immediate debate upon the Irish
trouble. But the eminent Privy Councillor found little support in the
House, and was first knocked down by the DEPUTY-SPEAKER and then
trampled upon by Mr. ASQUITH.
If the Secret Sessions were intended to make smooth the way of the
Military Service Bill they failed miserably in their object. Mr. LONG,
to whom was entrusted the task of introducing it, felt his position
acutely. Only when explaining that one of the principal objects of the
Bill was to extend the service of time-expired soldiers for the duration
of the War did he wax at all eloquent, and then it was in lauding the
chivalry of these men and in expressing his extreme distaste for the
task of coercing them. The whole speech justified the poet's remark that
"long petitions spoil the cause they plead."
Not a voice was heard in favour of the measure. Sir EDWARD CARSON damned
it for not going far enough, and Mr. LEIF JONES because it went too far;
and Mr. STEPHEN WALSH, as representative of the miners, who have given
so much of their blood to the country's cause, bluntly demanded that the
House should reject this Bill "and insist on the straight thing."
Mr. ASQUITH, recalled to the House by his agitated colleague, recognised
that his old Parliamentary hand had got into a hornet's nest, and
promptly withdrew it. To the best of my recollection this is the first
time on record that a Government measure has perished before its first
reading. Conceived in secrecy and delivered in pain, its epitaph will be
that of another unhappy infant:--
"If I was to be so soon done for
I wonder what I was began for."
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Ingenuous Maiden (on being told she is expected to milk
the cow_). "Oh, Mum, I dursn't without a soldier held her head."]
* * * * *
"The Austrians thrice attempted to rush the Italian positions on
the Upper Isonzo, but were repulsed with heavy lasses."
_Times of Ceylon._
Stout girls, these _contadine_.
* * * * *
"Recently I have seen several German planes so high as to be
mere specks, and of the many I have seen none has been lower, I
should say, than ,000 ft."--_Morning Paper._
A cautious statement, and probably true.
* * * * *
"We are glad to learn that the daughter of our popular banker
was married on the 10th instant, over 1000 persons were invited
and sumpfedtuously."--_Indian Paper._
We infer that the compositor was among them.
* * * * *
"In his defence Mr. ---- said he had endeavoured to fake the
point that the onus of proving he was under the Military Service
Act was upon the prosecution."
_Bayswater Chronicle._
If not a conscientious he seems to have been at least a candid objector.
* * * * *
"THE BIRTH OF A FLUENCE."
In consequence of the new tax on imported films the Cinema industry in
England has received a new fillip, and a wave of enterprise is passing
over the studios. In place of the familiar--almost too familiar--
American dramas we are to have English. No more of those square-jawed
stern American business men at their desks, with the telephone ever in
their hands and instantaneous replies to every call. No more police
officers, also at their desks, giving orders like lightning and having
them understood and acted upon as quickly. No more crooks clambering
over the roofs of an express train. No more motor-car pursuits. No more
Indians, no more cowboys, no more heroines in top boots.
And what is there to be instead? Not--I hear you cry appealingly--not
panoramas of Zurich or Cape Town? No, not those devastating views of
scenery, but home-made films "featuring" English performers, with an eye
not only to entertainment but instruction. That is the new movie note.
And for a start a wonderful picture has just been completed, under the
title "The Birth of a Fluence," taking the Cinema-goers (as they are
called) behind the scenes of a London daily paper.
Not a real paper, of course, for that would be telling too much, but an
absolutely imaginary paper, yet like enough in many respects to a real
paper to afford to the imaginative spectator an idea of how such
marvellous sheets are put together.
No expense has been spared to get an air of verisimilitude into these
pictures, at a private view of which we were permitted to be present.
Let us give a rough sketch of the film, which is some mile and a half
long, or as far, say, as from the House of Lords to Printing House
Square. But first we must remark that the unseen force which agitates
all the documents and blinds of the various rooms shown is not due, as
it usually is, to the circumstance that the pictures were taken in the
open air, during a gale, but it symbolises the power of the Proprietor
of the paper, who can by a breath make or unmake Governments.
The first picture shows the arrival of the Editor, a man of desperate
mien, dark as a thunder cloud, ready to be affrighted by nothing, with
instant disapproval of whatever he disapproves breaking through his
alert, intellectual features. To him, stern patriot as he is, it is
nothing that men do well. He is there, vigilant and implacable, to
pounce swiftly and mercilessly on derelictions of duty. No one knows so
well as he what is possible to a Minister and his Department and what
not. They themselves, the Minister and his Department, are totally
uninstructed in the matter. Truly a remarkable man.
The Editor opens his letters; touches bells, speaks through telephones,
and generally proves himself to be more than a man, a Force. Imaginary
as is the whole affair, no one seeing this film can ever open a morning
paper again without a thrill, a foreboding.
Next we are shown the Proprietor leaving his private house by aeroplane
to visit the office. We see him first alighting on the roof and then
entering his private room by a secret door, from a secret staircase.
Having removed his slouch hat and cloak and laid aside his dark lantern,
he is revealed as a man of destiny indeed.
We see the mottoes on the walls of the room, such as "Always change
horses in midstream"; "Always wash dirty linen in public"; "Any stick is
good enough to beat a dog with"; "If you throw enough mud some will
stick"; "Damn the consequences"; "Disunion is strength"; "After me the
Deluge," and so forth.
Then the Proprietor begins to get busy. He too touches bells, and
various assistants rush to his presence. The first is the Editor, and we
watch the progress of a fateful interview, which is made the more
understandable by legends shown on the screen. Thus, after a long course
of lip-moving and chin-wagging on the part of the Proprietor, we read
the helpful words:--
"The Twenty-three must go."
Then the Editor's lips move and his chin rides up and down and we read
the words:--
"But suppose the old man is too clever?"
And so the epoch-making talk goes on and others are summoned to take
part in it.
Next, as a guide to the paper's enterprise we are admitted to a meeting
of the Cabinet, and are assisted, at last to unravel the mystery as to
which Minister it is who gives away the secrets of that assembly, for we
watch him in his various disguises on his way to the dark cellar where
he meets the political representative of the paper, makes his report and
receives the promise of his future reward. It is, we feel confident,
this particular section of the film which will secure for it an amazing
popularity, though all reference in the Press to Cabinet proceedings has
now been made illegal for the duration of the War.
"The Birth of a Fluence," it will be seen, does not confine its energies
to the office of the paper. So thorough is the scheme that various
pictures have been taken--always, of course, at the usual enormous
expense--at even distant places, where its activities, or the result of
them, can be studied. For example, we are shown a section of the Front
and the delight of the English soldier as he unfolds the paper and
discovers that his country is still being goaded towards that healthy
disintegration which must necessarily accelerate our victory. And we are
even shown one of the paper's defeated candidates seeking the
railway-station after the election; for it is notorious that, vast as
are the paper's other influences, it is often unable to persuade an
electorate to follow it.
The last picture, which also should be of particular interest to the
public as proving how sacred the Fourth Estate holds the duty of
providing it with accurate reports, shows the whole of the building
draped with the habiliments of woe and the staff in deep mourning on
learning that the secrecy of the secret session is to be callously and
rigorously enforced by the Government. And in this state of prostration
the _personnel_ is left. So ends one of the most enthralling films that
this country has yet invented.
"The Birth of a Fluence" would, of course, be more instructive still
were there any paper that at all corresponded to the fantastic and
incredible organ here illustrated. But of course a sheet that during the
progress of an anxious war so consistently belittled its country and
aspersed its rulers would be impossible. Still, enough verisimilitude
remains to make an amusing half-hour.
* * * * *
[Illustration: Conscientious married M.P. (WHO UNFORTUNATELY TALKS IN
HIS SLEEP) GAGGING HIMSELF BEFORE RETIRING TO BED AFTER SECRET SESSION.]
* * * * *